


how to never stop being sad

by thetrancyboy



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Blowjobs, Emotional Abuse mention, Eventual Jean/Marco - Freeform, F/F, F/M, HELL YEA, Implied Sasha Braus/Connie Springer, Levi has depression, M/M, Slow Build, Sorry dudes, erejean - Freeform, eren jerks it in the shower, eren's sexuality is complicated but we'll talk about that much later, ever heard of demi-asexual?, im sorry i cant write, im sorry im bad at writing/tagging things, mention of cheating, mention of suicide, sex mention, the abuse doesnt come from eren/levi, yes another coffee shop au, you'll probably hate erwin after this im sorry hes a good guy deep down
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-13
Updated: 2017-02-01
Packaged: 2018-08-14 22:43:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 58,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8031817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thetrancyboy/pseuds/thetrancyboy
Summary: Your name is Eren Jaeger, a College of Maria student majoring in world history and minoring in oceanography. You are increasingly stubborn, and the fire in your heart is almost as bright as the light in your eyes. Your name is Eren Jaeger, and for the last damn time, you do not want to work at the stupid cafe.





	1. good help is so hard to find

**Author's Note:**

> hey! so um. let me start off by saying this is more of a prologue chapter but im counting it as the first anyway, but yeah! i dont really know how many chapters will be in this but i'll try to aim for around 15-20 or within that range. i really hope you enjoy it!
> 
> good help (is so hard to find) - death cab for cutie

"Armin, for the last time," you sigh, running your hand through your brown hair and placing your other hand in the grass you were sitting in. "I wouldn't be good at it. Running a cashier, making coffee? I am fine organizing books at Shiganshina, thanks."

You don't know why he's so adamant that you submit a resumé, the job you currently have is ~~in a shoddy book store, alphabetically arranging dusty old books for less than $10 an hour~~ fine, and the cafe scene was never a part of your aesthetic anyway. You imagine yourself wearing a green apron with a Starbucks logo posted above the pocket, and shake your head. Definitely not your style.

Your name is Eren Jaeger, a College of Maria student majoring in world history and minoring in oceanography. Your parents are drowning in money, and you're drowning in student loans. You refuse to mooch (too much; it is never shameful to be pampered by your parents) because, as you say, "It shows a lack of character." You are increasingly stubborn, and the fire in your heart is almost as bright as the light in your emerald green eyes (though you disagree, you feel like "lettuce" or "seaweed" is more close to it. Green is not your favourite colour.) Your name is Eren Jaeger, and for the last damn time, you do not want to work at the stupid cafe.

"We are really short staffed, and I honestly think you'd adore it! Plus, employee discounts AND we could work together," Armin pleaded, wiggling his eyebrows and rolling his shoulders at you with a coy little smile. Oh gosh, here it comes. "Plus, if you left Shiganshina for the cafe, you wouldn't have to hang around Jean as often,"

Damn it, he was smart.

Your annoying co-worker has been on your ass for the whole time you've worked there, and no matter how many dates you turn down he continues to make an ass of himself. He's such a douchebag, you gripe in your head, as you dig the heels of your palms into your eyes. "Okay, I wont pressure you into it. But please, think about it, at least."

"Do you really think it would be the best idea to put ME, over all the other normal-tempered, sociable people in the world, in the CITY, in charge of working with shitty customers?" You argue, peeking out from between your hands and giving Armin a look of exasperation. Even if you didn't have to work with Jean anymore, you aren't so sure how well he thought this through past that. But Armin was already standing, messenger bag in hand as he grabbed at the strap hanging over his shoulder, sunny smile and all. The trademark Evil Grin, when he knows he has you. God, why are you friends with him? "Consider it, Eren. My psych class starts soon, so I have to get going. But I'll see you around, okay?" You sigh heavily and stand as well, packing your workbook (which was still as empty as it was when you met with him, intending to be productive) into your trusty ol' drawstring bag, flashing him a half smile as you nod and begin to walk him to his class from the courtyard. Yours still didn't start for another half hour, so you had a bit of time to kill anyway. He waved to you with a sweet smile and you greeted it with one of your own, slinging an arm around his shoulders for a quick half-assed hug as you two parted. "See you at the apartment for dinner," You called out to him quietly, and he nodded in response as he took his seat at the very front of the class, instantly taking out his notes and looking towards the front with starry eyes. He was always eager to learn. That was his passion.

You wandered the streets near the building housing your next class, sighing as you looked through the windows and pursed your lips. Nothing here was really all that interesting, but you looked up at the shop titles as you approached none other than the same damn coffee shop you were being pressured to apply for (Armin be damned; he totally is pressuring you. He cant hide behind his sweet demeanour anymore, you basically have him figured out.)

You gaze up at the sign hanging from an old (yet surprisingly sturdy) post, reading it over in your head carefully. 'Legion Cafe,' huh. At least the specials sounded good. Maybe you'd go in for a latte before class, might energiz-

The door before you swings open and someone walks right into your chest, and as you collide you instinctively wrap an arm around them to steady the both of you.

The world seems to freeze and you both stand there for a moment (you swear you hear the stranger sniffle and lean into it a bit) before stranger-in-question stands back and roughly swats your arm away; a disgusted look settles on his pale face, features sharpened with anger.

He was beautiful, no question about it. His eyes were a silvery grey, though looking closer they were a bit puffy and red. Allergies, maybe? His dark hair was styled in an undercut and parted down the middle, and you were positive no one else would look as good in the same haircut. His lips were pressed together in a thin line of evident frustration, and he was glaring up at you like you had just thrown up on his shoes.

"Didn't your mother ever teach you it's rude to stare like a fucking idiot?" The man spoke, and you snapped back to present time, shaking your head nervously and swallowing hard as you ran a hand through your hair, messing it up even more. "I-I'm sorry, sir, uh-"

"Are you going to fucking move, or should I make you?" He spat, making you shrivel into yourself as you took several steps back to get out of his way. For someone so small, you think inside your head, he sure has a lot of anger packed inside of him.

"U-um, I'm sorry again, maybe sometime I could buy you coffee to-"

The man paused in his brisk walk away from the door, smoothing out the wrinkles in his shirt as he turned around, and you notice his face had since lost all visible anger, staying neutral. He almost looked bored. Disinterested. But somehow you doubted you were out of the woods yet.

"The day I let a clumsy brat like you buy me coffee," he began, stepping closer. You could feel the murderous aura emanating off of him as he got right in your space and grabbed the collar of your shirt firmly, (you hope he didnt stretch it out,) dragging your face down to his level. It kinda looked like he was about to kiss you, but you certainly knew otherwise. You were close enough to detect the faint hint of vibrant navy blue accenting his pupils, and the dried tear streaks tracked onto his face.

"You'd better hope you live longer than the two seconds it takes for me to register it's you if I ever see your face again, you shitty kid." You were once again amazed at how something so gorgeous and small could be so hostile and cruel. You nodded again quickly and he released you, throwing the shirt collar back towards you as if it had offended him (yep, he had definitely stretched it. Your favourite shirt, too.) and continued his walk away from you.

You didn't even feel angry. You physically couldn't, which is strange considering normally you'd have ~~attempted to~~ beat his ass into the pavement. You could only smooth out your shirt to look as neat as possible, and opt out of stopping in for the coffee you had wanted before. Not enough time, now.

 

As you walked back towards your class building, the only thought in your mind was that maybe taking the job at the cafe wouldn't be the best idea.


	2. melancholy hill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean takes Eren on a date. Breadsticks are comfort food for the soul.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter titles are names of songs i listened to while writing !! you dont have to like listen to it or anything but theyre really good songs.
> 
> Melancholy Hill - Gorillaz

Work was slow, as usual. You were walking the aisles after closing up shop, putting misplaced books back into their spots with Jean pushing the cart close behind you.

"You know, I'd really appreciate if you'd stop ramming the cart into my ass, Jean," you bit out in irritation, to which the sea-biscuit only smirked. "I could ram something else into your ass instead, if y-"

You pushed the cart back into him, and watched in mild satisfaction as the bar slammed into his stomach, successfully knocking the air out of him. You continued to return the books to their rightful places, turning your eyes away from Jean, who was now unfolding himself as he ran a shaky hand through his two-toned hair and pushed the cart a lot slower; you didn't need to see him to know he looked at least a little dejected. "I could file a report against you for sexual harassment, you know."

"I'm trying to step up my game, Jaeger, I don't know what you want from me at all!" he replied despairingly. You knew better. Jean really wasn't a good actor. "Did it ever occur to you that maybe the only thing I'd ever want from you is friendship?" Jean paused for a second and as you looked towards him, you caught him truly looking like he had been enlightened. You were almost hopeful. "...with benefits?"

You groaned loudly and placed the last book on the shelf as you brushed the dust off your hand and began walking towards the back room, quickly removing your work shirt and swapping it out for the one you wore in. "You have such a one-track mind," You griped towards him, though you feel as if he didn't hear you at all. Everything you said to him was in one ear, out the other- Jean was a terrible listener. He walked in as you were adjusting the shirt around your waist, and you recounted all the reasons why you hated closing up shop with him. When there were others, he was a little less obvious, but when it was just the two of you it was obnoxious and tiring.

"So that's really a no?" he breathed from close behind you, and you turned just in time to get a full view of his shirt halfway over his head, revealing his entire torso. You didn't stare for long, though; You'd begrudgingly admit he has a nice body, but beyond that Jean hasn't given you much of a reason to love him as much as he probably thinks you should, ego inflation and all. He asks the same question week upon week, and you know better than to get your hopes up that it'll be different this time. You sigh and step away from him, eager to put some distance between the two of you as you go to place your work attire in your ratty old bag. 

"Look, if I go on ONE date with you, and I don't like it, will you leave me alone about it?" You ask hopefully, thinking maybe if you just get through talking with him for an hour over (free) dinner, it'd all be over with and you could live a life free of his never-ending bullshit. You turn back to him, and his entire face is lit up like a Christmas tree. You can almost see actual sparkles in his eyes, and his hands are clasped together in front of him as if you had just gifted him something precious. Your heart melted just a bit at the sight of him, he looked too excited to be going on a date with JUST you. "So, you're saying there's a chance you'll like it?" He asked, and you chuckled and nodded your head. You opened your mouth to reply but he held his hands out in front of them and shook his head. "No, whatever response you have looks like its about to crush my dreams. Let me live, Jaeger! I beg of you!"

You laughed again (truly, it was closer to a giggle,) and slung your bag around your back. "You have my number. Text me the details later. I'll see you tomorrow for the closing shift?"

Jean nodded fervently and you flashed him one last amused look before you walked out, leaving him in the break room shirtless and grinning like an idiot.

Maybe this wouldn't be as terrible as you worked it up to be?

___________________________

 **Horseface** : ok, so how about this wknd i pick u up at ur house at 6 and we go to the olive garden or smth?

 **JaegerBOMB** : sure, jean. sounds güd. free breadsticks, rite?

 **Horseface** : hell yea B)  
**Horseface** : see you then sexy (;

 **JaegerBOMB** : call me that again and i'll rip all ur hair out.

 **Horseface** : ooo kinkyyy (; didnt know u felt tht way abt me jaeger ((;

 **JaegerBOMB** : ur such an ass. THIS is why i call u horseface.  
**JaegerBOMB** : i'll see u on the weekend, jackass.

 **Horseface** : looking forward to it (-:

 **JaegerBOMB** : i'm sure u are.

_________________

The weekend in question came quickly, and you wouldn't admit it out loud, but... you may have been feeling slightly excited. Considering the free breadsticks AND dinner and... admittedly, you haven't been on an actual date in a while. How could you not anticipate it even a little bit? It was about time you hung out with someone who wasn't Armin anyway. Jean pulled up in front of your apartment building in his Toyota, which had been cleared of all dirt since you had last seen it. At least the rich blue colour underneath all the caked mud looked nice. It was a nice navy blue, the paint on the car with that trademark sparkle, and it kinda reminded you of the man's eyes.. god, that whole ordeal was terrifying. You hoped you never ran into him again.

Pushing lingering thoughts aside, you hurried down the stairs (elevator takes too long, its old and scary) and cooly approached the car, dressed semi-formal in a white dress shirt with the first two buttons undone and a tie to accent it, black corduroy pants, and your only pair of nice shoes. Your wedding shoes. Your hand reached out for the door, but Jean quickly rushed out of his side, waving his hands around.

"Nonononono!! Jaeger, you're supposed to let ME open the door for you!" He whinnied, shooing your hand away so he could open it for you while trying to look charming. You laughed and grinned at him as you got in the car at his command, and observed his outfit choice for the evening as he strode over to his own door.

His outfit was almost identical to yours, aesthetically speaking. He wore navy slacks and a bowtie to match, and you wondered who on earth just had a bowtie that matched your pants just laying around? This loser, apparently. His hair was smoothed out and slicked back, though personally you think you preferred his messier look. Now he kinda looks like a creepy Italian man, sans moustache. You giggled at the image as he seated himself comfortably in the car, shooting a questioning look at you as his eyebrow raised in silent question. You stubbornly shrugged in response and looked out the window with shaking shoulders as he buckled his seatbelt and started up the car. "Something funny?"

You bit your lip and nodded, a silly smile on your face as you tried to will the thought away. "Little bit, yeah." Jean shrugged and began the drive, assuming he really didn't wanna know as the two of you picked up small talking for the drive. Family's doing okay, Mom's recovering nicely, dodge when he asks "From what?" sister's studying in Europe, smack his shoulder when he asks if she's hot, school's fine. Weather's stable, no storms, feels good. Nice and warm. This felt more awkward now that the two of you were out of the store, intimate, and it struck you that you didn't even really know who Jean was. Never seemed important. God, you were an asshole. The car finally pulled up in front of Olive Garden, and Jean insisted on opening your door for you again, taking your hand and leading you inside to a table for two.

And they say romance is dead.

You continued the conversation from the car while waiting for your breadsticks to arrive with your wait staff, idly looking at the appetizer menu while Jean told you some horrible (yet strangely funny) jokes to pass time.

"What did Obi-Wan say to Luke at the Chinese restaurant? 'Use the forks, Luke.' Funny, right?" Jean snorted at his own joke, almost choked on it, and you just smiled as you hid behind your menu. His efforts were painfully adorable, and you could tell he was doing his best to impress you. Maybe he wasn't such a huge douchebag after all?

The waiter came by and made awkward small talk with the both of you while he asked about what kind of drinks you guys'd like; and since the both of you were hungry (and running out of things to say, fast) you placed your orders and he was off once more. Silence settled at your table and you opened your mouth to say something before you heard Jean laugh nervously, and you could almost see him scratching the back of his neck. You had his mannerisms basically memorized- and for a brief moment before he started talking, you wondered when that had happened.

"I've been dreaming of this for so long, you know." He said, and you looked up at him with a lilt of surprise in your eyes. "What do you mean?"

"I've been asking you out for what feels like years- never would I ever imagine I'd actually land this." He finished with a chuckle, and you smiled because his honesty was endearing. "I'm sorry to have kept you waiting then, Sea-biscuit." You replied as the corner of your lip tilted up more into a smirk. He scoffed as he reached to the middle of the table for a breadstick, biting off the tip petulantly. "You had to ruin the moment, man. That sort of confession takes a lot of courage, you know!" It was your turn to laugh as you shook your head and sighed, leaning forward and resting your chin in your palm as you looked at him head-on. "You're right. I'm sorry. Still, though. This isn't what I was expecting at all. You're normally such a tool. I could get used to this kind of change." The smirk never left your face.

Jean popped his collar slightly and leaned back in his chair, raising his eyebrows cockily. "Sorry man, that's a part of the Boyfriend Package. Consider this like a.. A free trial." He said it so self-assuredly it was almost impossible for you to not laugh, but despite yourself you covered your mouth with your hand and squeaked out muffled laughter. Jean pouted, and you pretended not to notice for his sake.

You talked for a while longer, more idle conversation with a hint of teasing, until your food arrived and both of you proceeded to eat in silence, the ambiant noise of the restaurant being enough to pacify you while you ate. The scrape of forks on the plates or the sound of a cup being placed back onto a tablecloth. Water being poured into a glass. It was peaceful, and light, and something you hadn't felt for Jean before crept it's way into your heart.

He bought you desert after much insistence that he _spoil you_ (to which you will never deny; nothing wrong with being spoiled) and then drove you home while the radio played soft music that made you feel like it would be summer forever. You glanced over to see Jean smiling softly as he drove, his fingers tapping against the steering wheel as he took the long way to your house, and you were content, for the time being.

You arrive at your apartment building after some time just driving with the windows down in the cool night air, watching the sun blink out around the buildings, and Jean walked you to your door like the perfect gentleman you never knew he was or could be. How could this be the crass, horsey-faced guy you worked with on a weekly basis? _'Boyfriend Package,'_ he had said. Maybe that wasn't such a terrible idea after all, Now that you really put thought into it.

He stood in front of you with his hands behind his back, his hair falling out of place and leaving the messy strands in his face, and you smiled at how charming he looked despite being a total mess. You could tell he was still nervous.

"Thanks for tonight," You said quietly as your hand reached out for the bar to open the door, when suddenly Jean's hand wrapped around your wrist. He hesitated. "Um.. Yeah, it was really no problem. I hope we can do this again, sometime," he finished lamely, and you sort of missed his ~~cocky~~ bravado. Awkwardness didn't fit him, not really. Your gaze flicked between his hand on your outstretched limb, to his amber eyes, to his lips, and back to his eyes, which softened ever so slightly. Could he see you were nervous too?

You leaned in slowly and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek, and you heard Jean's breath hitch right beside your ear when your lips touched his skin. He was warm, and it was a nice contrast to the cool air pouring around you. You pulled back, and he was beet red as you pushed open the door. 

"Get home safe, ponyboy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jean totally has breadsticks jammed into his pockets


	3. piledriver walts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi tries to handle the breakup. Hes mediocre at living.
> 
> Piledriver Waltz - Arctic Monkeys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO ok i have no idea what levi does for a living maybe he works in financing or management all i know is that he doesnt hate it but damn is it boring. also levihan is my favourite brotp i swear i will die with that on my mind. levihan bros forever!!

He's with you. You're in his living room again, your back to his chest, and his arms are wrapped around you and you're comfortable for the first time in two months. Why weren't you? Something happened. You cant remember. Whatever it was, it isn't important, because he's with you. You're happy again. 

You turn yourself in his arms to see his face, run your hand gently through his blond hair as his vibrant blue eyes sparkle at you, and you cant remember ever being sad about anything. Your heart aches in your chest, and you lean in to kiss him. Time freezes, and the room is light. This is peace.

Your lips press against his, but they are cold and dead. They don't move. You pull away to ask what's wrong, but you see nothing. You're on your feet, and you're at your house. When did you get here? Where is he? 

You feel a harsh push from behind you and fall down, and the ache in your heart increases. "I just got bored," you hear faintly from in front of you. You look up. A phone screen is being held to your face as you're forced to look, and as you read the messages with caution you almost throw up. The room around you blurs as everything starts to spin, and the colours fade until its just you and him.

You and Erwin.

"Why... why did you.. this is a joke, right?" you almost pleaded, looking up at him. He smirked, and you felt like someone had shoved a knife into your back; straight through your heart.

"I just got bored," He mumbled, and you heard it loud and clear. "I wake up in the morning for him. He takes care of me." 

"You said.. You told me you could see me marrying you.."

"I couldn't see myself doing the same. I'm sorry."

He turned to walk away from you, and you stood up to chase him but you were chained to the floor, in a dungeon as he watched you struggle with your restraints through the bars. You screamed, but your throat was dry and nothing came out.

He opened his mouth, and all you could hear was music as everything was wiped away, and you were brought back to consciousness.

You sat up quickly, clutching at your chest as you panted, shivering as a breeze passed through your room. You felt around on the other side of the bed and found emptiness, as you had every day for the past month. You sighed shakily as you looked at the clock while reaching for your anti-depressants on your bedside table.

"5:25.." you croaked, grabbing the water bottle you keep by your bed to take your meds. 

' _Siv-Fluoxetine (10 mg). Take two orally daily._ '

You tipped over the little orange prescription bottle and watched as half the contents spilled into your hand like sand, plucking one from the pile to pop in your mouth as you swallow it down with a sip of water. You stare at the pills in your hand, pressing your lips into a thin line as the usual thoughts ran through your head. You read the warning label over again, as you always do. _If thoughts of suicide occur, call a physician immediately._ You could just take them all right now and be done with this. You could forget about your stupid boring job, and your stupid boring responsibilities, and your stupid gross ex boyfriend, and it'd all be over so quickly. You could do it.

You cringed as you pushed all the pills back into the bottle and snapped it shut, placing it on your bedside table again and laying down in your bed. "Pathetic," you breathed as your head sank into the pillow.

You lay there, staring emptily at the ceiling, until your alarm goes off two hours later. Your stomach grumbles and churns with the nausea you've become too accustomed to, and your chest heaves as you sit up again and push yourself out of bed, padding into the kitchen to start your coffee pot so it's ready by the time you're done taking a shower. 

"Maybe I'll have breakfast today," you say to no one in particular as you strip off your bed shirt and underwear, stepping into the steaming water and wetting down your hair. You laugh dryly at your statement as you pour shampoo into your hands, lathering it into your hair with practiced motions. "That's a laugh." 

You step out of the shower when the water starts to cool down, deeming yourself clean enough to start getting dressed in your room after you've taken care of your night clothes. You pull on a grey dress that's only slightly big on you and some black slacks, sliding on some ankle socks and towel-drying your hair as you return to the kitchen to a full pot of coffee. Fantastic.

You pour yourself a cup, leaving it black as you take a sip. You fucking hate coffee. You don't even know why you drink it. Black tea has caffeine in it too, and you actually LIKE black tea.

But thats a lie, and you _do_ know why you drink it despite hating it. Erwin always smelled like black coffee, his lips always tasted bitter in the morning, and you're clinging to his person like someone desperate, ~~though that isn't far off from what you are right now,~~ and it isn't making you feel any better about anything that happened. Your entire flat smells like crisp black coffee and the beginnings of autumn, and you _hate_ it.

You grab your work coat and place it through the strap of your bag as you toss it over your shoulder, tying a grey sweater around your waist as you walk over towards your coffee pot. You glare at it fiercely and grip the handle, holding it over the sink as if it were a threat. Your hand shook, and you hated yourself so much. You fucking WILL have breakfast today, and not Erwin or his stupid mistake and black fucking coffee will take that away from you.

You dump all the coffee out into the sink in a flourish, and turn on the tap to rinse the rest of it out of your sink. You watch as the deep brown seeps down the drain of your sink, and a rather large piece of you slinks down with it. 

__________________

 **Shitty Glasses** : will u be at work today shorty? 8p

 **Levi** : Yeah, I'm on my way.

 **Shitty Glasses** : oh thank GOD! petras been drivin me craazzyyyy!  
**Shitty Glasses** : i mean, more than i already am 8)

 **Levi** : You're imbecilic. I'll see you at work in less than 5 minutes, can you handle that, four eyes?

 **Shitty Glasses** : sure thing, my lil gremlin.  
**Shitty Glasses** : speaking of, who fed u after midnight? ur so grumpy todayy ;; 8'(

 **Levi** : It's your stupid nicknames and emotes.  
**Levi** : They're annoying.  
**Levi** : I'll see you at work.

 **Shitty Glasses** : levi, u know im sorry for showing u those screenshots, i just didnt want u to be in that relationship when eyebrows was bein such a dink  
**Shitty Glasses** : if he's talkin 2 u still btw i will personally rip his dick off  
**Shitty Glasses** : for science!

You looked at your phone and sighed, pursing your lips and running a hand through your hair as you waited for the light to turn. You remind yourself for the thousanth time that they meant well when they did it, and you cant stay angry at them, even though it wasn't their business and they should not have stuck their big nose into it. You suppose you'd have preferred them telling you over staying in a relationship that wasn't going anywhere except downhill, anyway. At the end of the day, they're still your best friend. Like hell you'd tell them that, though.

 **Levi** : He tried to kiss me when we were exchanging our things back.  
**Levi** : I gave him his box and he leaned in and I slapped him in the face.

 **Shitty Glasses** : way 2 go leviii!!!!!!  
**Shitty Glasses** : if i were there i'd've kicked his ass 2 space w/o a helmet to protect his brain  
**Shitty Glasses** : but he wouldnt need it i guess, looks like his brain is already fried! 8D

You smiled at your phone, and relief flushed into your lungs as you felt the slightest hint of normalcy return you. You really were grateful for them.

 **Levi** : I'll see you at work, Hanji.  
**Levi** : ...  
**Levi** : Thank you.

 **Shitty Glasses** : ♡♡

________________________

You stop at Legion for the first time in a while to get your regular tea and a decaf for Hanji, and when you arrive at work they almost jump you in excitement. You step back looking very much like the angry little man you were, and when they spot the extra cup in your hand they squeal and rush you to pull it out of your hand and hug you enthusiastically. Hell will freeze over before you admit to the comfort uou felt in the embrace, and you rest your head in the crook of their neck for a second to breathe in the smell of vanilla and old spice. They squeezed you a bit tighter before letting you go, and you walked towards your cubicles together in a muh needed period of silence.

You almost regret ignoring them for a month.

_________________________

You walk out of the building with Hanji, more tired physically than you have been in forever, but you are glad for the distraction as they walk you home. They stay over for a while, and the two of you have a whine and wine session as you slam your fist on the table over your fifth glass of old red that Hanji snuck out of your pantry.

"I just don't get it. He said he had all these plans for our future- he said he was excited. Then he pulls this bitch out of nowhere- a coworker. This is why I wanted him to switch jobs, I knew this would happen. He had been so distant lately, he didn't even text or call me to say goodnight or say he loves me. I should have known, after two and a half years of dating and not ONE proposal. Ugh, he makes me sick."

"I know!" Hanji screamed in response, and you tipped back the last of your drink as you reach for the bottle to pour yourself a sixth. Hangover be damned, you deserve this. "I can't believe he would do this. I knew they were old friends but this tips it, I knew I should have castrated him when he stayed the night at his friends last summer and had a drunk make out session. You'd think he'd know better!" They raged, and your heart softened. "Hanj, he's such a dirtbag. Did you know he still chews his fingernails? and EATS them?" Hanji made a face and you chuckled, shaking your head. "Yep. He also totally pissed the bed once when I was at his house. Oh, and he has ED. I mean, for someone only approaching his thirties, his equipment is pretty old. And for fucks sake he isn't even that big! He bragged about 8 inches, he's only 5. His dick isnt worth any science." Hanji howled, and you sipped at your wine with a smirk on your face as you leaned back in your chair, sighing. Their face was all red and scrunched up, and some garbled form of a sentence was trying to get past their lips, but something wasnt making it. Their shitty glasses were pushed back into their long, dark hair, and their brown eyes were shining with tears of mirth when they opened them.

You are glad they're a happy drunk, and not an emotional one.

The sun goes down and you deem it too late for them to walk home, so you give them a glass of water and make them sleep in your bed while you take the couch like a good host. Thankfully, you're only sorta buzzed (seven glasses of wine and you're only sorta buzzed, what kind of bad luck-) as you meander to the balcony with some water of your own, a lemon slice wedged onto the rim of the glass to give you a feeling of class while you take careful sips and stare out at the city. You've never been one for heights, but the view from here ~~however anxiety inducing it really is~~ is gorgeous. If you jumped off the railing, this landscape would be the last thing you saw. Blurred lights, the ambient sound of traffic, downtown never sleeps. 

You could do it.

You take another large sip of your water as you walk brisquely back inside and lock the glass doors, padding over to your couch and sitting down carefully. You sigh and put your water down, standing to check your locks for the nth time before laying sideways on the couch as you pull the throw blanket over you and get comfortable. You close your eyes and imagine real happiness, and you get a flash of a blue-green ocean before you drift off into a calm sleep.

For once, Hanji's incessant snoring isn't as annoying as it always is, and the world still spins on its axis as it does every single day. You will heal. You will be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so recently something really shaking happened to me and i. am super fucking sad so my motivation is coming and going but i hope that whoever is reading this is patient with me and that you dont mind my updates might be spotty,, im sorry again i'll do my best to get better soon!! **AND; keep in mind levi canonly has a suuuper high alcohol tolerance so like he cant rlly get drunk but he drinks anyway. tastes good or something.**


	4. house of gold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life goes on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> house of gold - twenty one pilots
> 
> this is kinda?? a filler chapter??? i guess??? a lot happens but also not a lot happens. i hope its good enough!

"I can not believe you are actually dating Jean," Armin laughed over his lunch, straw in front of his mouth as if he was opting to take a drink when he stopped taunting you. "Ar, I TOLD you, I'm not DATING him-"

"Yet," Armin added matter-of-factly. He smirked, and you swore as strange as it looked, you felt like it belonged on his face. Smug bastard.

You groaned, putting your hands on your face. "We went on ONE DATE. That's all." you mumbled through your hands, almost face planting into your soup which had probably cooled down too much at this point. You're still too embarrassed to reveal your face now, though. You really regretted telling him. Just imagine what would happen if he told Mikasa, she'd fly her ass here from Europe and kick BOTH of your asses.

"Yeah, so far. He'll ask you again, and you wont say no. He took you to OLIVE GARDEN for a first date, Eren. It only gets better from there."

"The breadsticks didn't even taste that great.." You fibbed as you rubbed your face one last time, running a hand through your hair in frustration as you picked up your crackers and began to crush them over your soup. Armin grimaced slightly as you swirled them around in the bowl, and you quirked up an eyebrow at his attitude. "That soup isn't typically meant for crackers, you know. Its a cream soup." You lifted up a spoonful to your mouth and smirked as you ate it, chewing up the lukewarm soup-cracker mush combination and swallowing without hesitation. "So is tomato soup, but you eat it with crackers anyway." Armin sighed, evidence of his recoil still on his face. "That's an exception," He retorted, giving you a scolding look, to which you shook your head and continued smiling. "Maybe I just love pissing you off," You replied as you ate more of your soup, a smug look on your face.

"Man, Jean's really rubbing off on you, huh?"

"Oh my GOD, Armin!"

He laughed once more as he shushed you and took a bite of the second half of his sandwich, and you squeezed your eyes shut to will away the blush creeping on your face. You'd like to say that the last thing you want is for him to be rubbing _anything_ on you, but ~~as much as you hate to admit it~~ you wouldn't mind it all that much. You're kinda on the fence about him right now.

"So, have you considered the job yet?" Armin asked, and you bit your lip as you looked away. Your mind flashed back briefly to that man, and you shook your head to get that picture out of your brain, shivering at the memory of him grabbing your collar. You thought he was gonna kill you, and true to his word he might do just that if he sees you again. "Ar, I don't know.. I'm sure its a fun job, but I'm not sure it's what I need right now." You tried letting him down easy, but in truth, you Really Did Not Want To Work In That Cafe.

"So there's a chance that at some point you would work there? Seriously, Legion is so nice. Everyone who works there is so kind, and the customers are fantastic. And, employee discount on the best coffee in the city!"

You gave him a look and he sighed, shaking his head with a deflated smile. "Second best, at least. Promise me if something goes wrong there, Legion is the first place you'll turn to. Okay?" 

You rolled your eyes and took another spoonful of your soup, not agreeing nor disagreeing, and Armin chuckled as he took another bite of his sandwich; you both knew he had won this one.

____________________________

Things at work were different. You knew it as soon as you walked in and changed into your work outfit, something had changed. The air was less tense, and everything smelled nice instead of the regular dusty scent wafting around the entire store. It was calm instead of grating, and everything moved fast. You worked cash today, and had lots of customers coming in and out of the store, and your boss _smiled_ at you. You hadn't seen him smile like that since the bank error about half a year ago, and you wondered for a second if maybe everything was always this good, and you just hadn't noticed.

Jean showed up on time for once, a big, genuine smile on his face (as opposed to the normal annoying smirk and wink) and he actually _waved_ to you on his way to the back room to change; you knew then that something was _definitely_ different about today as you watched him walk away in wonder. Was everyone just in a good mood? 

"D'ya want me to take over, Jaeger?" He asked as he leaned over the counter to look at you, and you turned him down. "No, it's fine. I normally hate being the cashier, but today has been really good up front, so I think I'll stay." You replied, and Jean didn't move from his spot, still leaning over the counter with a smile on his face.

"You look really good when you're happy," he said, and then he pushed himself off the counter and went off to go organize books or something, and your face heated up spectacularly. Where was all this coming from?

Decidedly, today was officially the best day of your life.

____________________________

You and Jean closed up shop like you always did, but that was probably the only thing about today that was normal. He didn't hit on you once ~~in a way that was tacky, as per usual~~ and you were in such a good mood after your shift that you didn't turn him down when he asked if you'd go on another date with him. 

_"it only gets better from there,"_ Armin had said. Maybe he was right.

___________________________

After two months of dates, ranging from restaurants to movies to going back to jean's house and fooling around or just walking around as Jean showed you all his favourite spots in the city, he finally asked you out.

If someone would have told you when you started working at Shiganshina that you'd be dating your annoying, crude, horse-faced coworker, you'd probably have punched them and told them to eat shit. But now, looking back at it all, you almost want to laugh. He's a lot better as a boyfriend than a co-worker, you think to yourself as you lean in to kiss him for the nth time that day. You sink happily into his embrace and sigh against his lips as he smiles, and you kiss his cheek before resting your head on his shoulder once more; his arm slings itself around your waist to squeeze you closer, and God, this was it. This was the life you wanted to be living.

The credits to the movie you were watching roll as you snuggle even _closer_ to your boyfriend, (you just love saying that. Boyfriend, boyfriend, boyfriend!) pulling your legs up onto his old couch and practically laying in his lap as he looks down at you, a loving smile on his face that you see rather often. It's your favourite thing to see. "What am I gonna do with you, Jaeger?" He sighs, and you giggle as you wrap your arms around his torso. "You could kiss me some more." You suggest, and he snorts as he looks away, and you watch as the tips of his ears turn red. "That wasn't a joke, Kirschtein, I was serious." His shoulders shake in silent laughter as he looks up to the TV, acting as if there was an audience he was facing as he puts a hand to his head and makes a face of disbelief. 

"You're gonna kill me, I swear," he says, and you adjust yourself so you're sitting in his lap as you lean in to press more soft kisses to his cheek.

Months later, and autumn is finally here, which means thanksgiving is on its way with halloween close after. The seasons are changing, and as time passes you grow to love Jean more. Its November, and you gush to Armin over a ginger latte at legion as he gives you a knowing look that you pointedly ignore.

"This is definitely unexpected, that's for sure."

"I don't know Ar, we just click so well," you sigh dreamily. The bell on the door rings, and Armin puts down whatever he was doing to help the newest customer. "Levi, good to see you. You've been quite spotty with your visits lately, I hope everything's alright. The usual?" 

You look up at the customer approaching the cash, and your eyes widen as you shoot up out of your seat. "Bathroom!" you shout somewhere in Armin's direction as you dart to the washrooms, hiding in the dip so as to not be noticed. 

"Guess he really had to take a shit," you heard the man- Levi, say, and yep, that was definitely the same guy who threatened to kill you. "Don't mind him. He doesn't mean any harm." You heard Armin say, and you didn't know whether to thank him or curse him. Either way, you were embarrassed as you peeked your head around the corner to watch the exchange. The man sat in the seat next to yours and waited for his drink, and you tried as best as you could from this distance to scout out his appearance. 

All you could really see was his back and half of his face as he scanned the electric cafe menu on the wall, but from here you could see dark circles under his eyes, and briefly you worried if he ever slept or if he just cried a lot. Probably the former. He was wearing a crisp white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, completely free of wrinkles or stains, and you were envious at how clean it was. You don't think you've ever owned something that clean, not even when it was freshly bought from the store; you wonder how he gets it that white. He's wearing a tie, but its too early for a dinner date. "He works in an office, probably.." you whisper to yourself as you study his face. His facial features are still as sharp as they were when you last saw him, and his jawline looks like it was cut from marble. Surely, he was beautiful. Like a statue in a museum that you cant take pictures of, or something. His undercut was neat and precisely cut, and he looked like someone who'd cut it himself because he didn't trust anyone else; but then again, you cant really assume. All you know about him is he's small, pretty, and has a real temper- something you can relate to quite well, though his might be worse than yours, you think.

The man gets his drink(s? is he a coffee boy?) and nods at Armin in thanks before gathering his messenger bag (did he have that when he came in?) and leaving as quickly as he came in. You sighed as you watched him leave and walked back to your seat, looking like the world had been lifted off your shoulders. Armin giggled as he started to wash out the cup he used to make latte's, and you slumped down on the cash counter.

"Are you alright?" he asked, one eyebrow quirked as an amused smile snaked its way onto his face. You stuck out your tongue out at him. "The first time I ever met him, he told me if he ever saw me again he'd kill me!"

"That does sound like him, yeah." He put the cup in its proper place and picked up the next, and you noticed there was latte foam all over his apron. You hid a snicker behind your hand as you watched him wash the cup, looking up at his face again. "He just went through an awful breakup. He was probably snippy that day." 

You mulled what he said over in your head and nodded when you reasoned that was probably what had happened. If you and jean had broken up, you'd probably be pretty cheesed as well. "He is normally quiet. He really likes the earl grey here, but he takes it black. I don't think I've ever served anyone in all the years I've worked here that doesn't at least add a little sugar." You scoffed, making a face like you just sucked on a lemon. "Black earl grey? Holy shit. that must be so bitter."

"Speaking of bitter, have you decided to quit your job at Shiganshina and work here?" He wiggled his blond eyebrows at you and you scowled as he placed the second cup back, wiping down the counters as you took a sip of your latte, and you felt the foam stick to your top lip. "Armin, I don't know. I am pretty sure that I don't wanna quit the job I work at with my boyfriend, to work at a coffee shop where the man who threatened to kill me a month ago is a regular."

"So you haven't even thought about it?" His face wilted, and you wiped the foam off your mouth with your sleeve. "I... I just don't know. A change would be nice, but I have Jean now, and that makes my job at least 50% easier." Armin sighed, a small smile on his face as he put the cloth somewhere behind the giant fancy latte-whatever setup that you couldn't see. Another reason why you didn't wanna work here- you'd have to learn how to use that giant mess of coffee contraptions. No thanks.

"Fine. I'll leave you alone. But-"

"Yeah, Ar, if something goes wrong, I have a family at Legion. I'm aware."

He smiled, and you smiled back as you grabbed your bag and stood up, finishing up your latte and passing the cup to Armin. He threw it out and you hugged him over the counter before saying your goodbyes and parting so you could go to your last class of the day.

At least the drinks there are good. He wasn't lying when he said it was the best coffee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> theyre mAy be jean/eren smut in the next chapter but i hate writing for that pair so it might not be super in detail, and it is also not necessary to the plot so you can skip it, if you're uncomfy with smut or its just bad and you dont wanna read it lmao. i'll make sure to leave the cues in the notes of the next chapter!


	5. (s)he way out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You feel like you're finally ready to say it, and your breath catches. This sets the precedent for the rest of your relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> she way out - the 1975
> 
> hello i am back! uh there is a biiit of smut in this chapter but it isnt really relevant to plot so if you wanna skip it it starts at "You and Jean got off work early ..." and ends at "You pulled at the collar of your shirt ..." in case you're uncomfy and want to skip it!
> 
> thats all i really have to say for now except that i am sorry i dont know how to write any sort of sexual scene. whoops!

"Jean, I think I might quit Shiganshina."

"What? Jaeger, are you mad?" Jean exclaimed, and you squeezed his hand tighter as you two walked together through the park, watching the last of the leaves tumble off the trees as they crunch under your feet. The humidity in the air makes them wet, and the sky is grey with hints of sun hiding behind a mass of clouds.

"No.. I was just thinking it'd be nice to have a change or something. I've been working there for a few years now, and Shiganshina is practically a second home to me, but the pay still isn't a lot either way. Plus, Armin's been bugging me to work at Legion, and I think I might give it a try." Jean sighed and slipped his hand out of yours to wrap his arm around you, and you leaned into the embrace with a smile. "It isn't like you'll never see me again. I'll come visit, and I'm always at your flat anyway."

Jean pouted at you and you pecked his lips with a little smirk; he only sighed. "I just don't want you to forget about me," he said, and you laughed as you gripped his arm to steady yourself, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk and giggling like an idiot while Jean's hold on you tightened. "I'm serious, Jaeger! I worked for YEARS to get you to go out with me, I can't let you go now!"

"I won't forget about you! Promise, ok? I couldn't forget you if I tried," you said sarcastically, and Jean rolled his eyes. "I just wanna test it out, at least." He gave you a hard look, and you responded with a pleading one of your own. He sighed, and you jumped triumphantly in place as he started to walk again. His arm slipped down from your shoulder and down your sleeve as his hand slid back into place in your pocket, and you happily continued walking with him and talking about whatever. For the umpteenth time since you started dating him, you thought to yourself how nice it was to relax with someone you're close with in a different way. Intimacy is something you could get used to.

______________

"You seem in a good mood. You and Jean do something?" Armin wiggled his eyebrows at you suggestively, and your face went red as your eyes shot open in disbelief. The fact that he'd ask something so personal was surprising enough, but what made it worse was that he wasn't wrong at all, and you hated yourself for being so obvious. How else were you gonna convince him that you wouldn't leave him behind? A little dick in your mouth never killed anyone, but boy did Jean like hair pulling. Maybe it was the sex hair that gave you away.

"A-Armin- that's none of your business!" You spoke frustratedly as you flopped face-down into your shared couch, your hands on your cheeks which were burning red. "I love teasing you. Your expressions are so honest," He said with a giggle as he continued scribbling on his paper, his work sprawled across your small coffee table as Armin had seated himself on the fuzzy carpet to work better. He said he worked better there than in his desk, which you understood to a degree.

"I was ACTUALLY gonna talk to you about submitting a resume to Legion, but I guess-" 

You heard the pencil snap on the table and suddenly he was on you, shaking your shoulders from ahead of you as he seated himself on your back and practically vibrated with excitement. "No way! FINALLY! God, you're so stubborn," he giggled, and you just took it, shaking your head slightly as you tried to shift yourself up. "Ar, you're heavy. Get off me." 

He rolled off of you and sat down beside the couch, and he was wearing one of the brightest smiles you've ever seen on him. "Hey, don't get too excited. If I don't like it, I'm quitting instantly." He smiled even wider, throwing his arms around you and squeezing you tightly as you patted his back. "Yessssss!!" He squealed, and you chuckled as you hugged him again and let him go.

"Give me your resume, I'll take it in tomorrow after my classes and set up an interview for you. Oh, Pixis is gonna love you! And the best part is that I get to train the newbies!" Your nerves settled a bit when he told you that, because you knew Armin was a good teacher, and he was gentle. He was also not a complete stranger.

The next day at work was hectic. Shadis was bitter but supportive when you gave your two weeks notice, patting you on the back like a father would his son. "I commend you for your fantastic work done in this establishment, Jaeger." He said, and then went off to do- whatever it is Shadis does in the shop. You don't really know what his job here is besides owning the place, you muse to yourself.

You taught Jean how to do your job, and he took over quite quickly. Fast learner. You leaned in to give him a congratulatory kiss, and he smiled as your lips met. His back hit the wall behind you gently as you moved closer to him, resting your hands on his hips with a gentle yet suggestive movement. Jean tilted his head to the side slightly to deepen the kiss, and just as you were about to follow suit your phone started ringing in your pocket. Damn it.

You cursed as you pulled away from him, and Jean gave you a sad look as you answered it, his hands making grabby motions in your direction. "Hello?" Your hand reached back out to Jean, your fingers locking at the tips as you flashed him an apologetic but amused smile. His bottom lip pushed out; he's pouting, what a child.

"Yeah, Armin? What's up?" Pause. "You.. You're serious? I got the job? No way!" Your grip on Jean's fingers tightened, and you jumped in excitement. Jean smiled too, and you bit your lip to keep yourself from smiling too hard. "Yeah, okay, thanks Ar, oh my god- yeah, two weeks. Just put my notice in a few days ago. Okay, I'll see you later at the apartment! Bye!"

You hung up, and as soon as your phone was back in your pocket you were back on Jean's mouth, giving him a very enthusiastic kiss as you wrapped your arms around his neck and for someone who didn't want to work at that stupid coffee shop,

You sure looked like someone who wanted to work at that stupid coffee shop.

_______________________________

 **You and Jean got off work early** , Shadis forcing you out of the little book store and convincing you he'd close for the night. Two hours before your normal shift end. What else would you have done besides go back to Jean's place? Armin wasn't expecting you for a while, and you both had major time to kill.

You stumbled into his apartment and instantly you were pressed up against a wall, fingers digging into your hips (bruises) as his mouth made itself busy kissing your neck. Your head bumped the wall (ouch!) as you tilted it back in a soft keen, and a hand left your body to close the door; when it clicked shut he pulled you closer to press his lips against yours, and you responded instantly, a hand tangling in his hair as your other arm snaked its way to the small of his back. "Jean.."

He chuckled and you shivered as his lips trailed down your neck to your collarbones, his lips and teeth latching down. You felt a trail of fire ignite itself, starting in your chest and trailing down to your stomach, the coil ever-tightening as Jean pulled at the ends of your shirt. 

"Should I carry you to the bedroom, I wonder? Or should I finish you right here?" Your breath hitched as you considered your options, your fingers loosely gripping at the soft fabric of his shirt as you swallowed hard. "B-bedroom," You managed, and instantly you were off the ground and on your way to his bed. 

You tried to pull his shirt off of him, but it was kinda impossible considering how close you were to him, like if you let go you'd fall off the deep end in a pool when you can barely swim. (Just to be clear, you can swim. You just have better things to do right now, like Jean.)

He placed you down on the bed (you hadn't even noticed when you entered his bedroom) and when your hands reached out for him, he only chuckled as he pulled off his own shirt, as painfully slowly as he could manage. Your dick stirred in your pants as he leaned over you, staring at you with his brown eyes sparkling; and you counted the stars you could see in his expression as his hands deftly worked down your pants.

You sucked in a deep breath as his warm hand palmed you through your boxers, and your back arched up towards him, aching to be closer. You cracked open one eye and saw Jean biting his lip, and the way he was looking at you made you feel like this was what love was supposed to feel like. You closed your eyes again and your heart was racing considerably. You were ready to say it.

"I love you, Jean," you breathed through a huff of pleasure, and his hand on your boxers froze. You heard his breath hitch, and opened your eyes to see his expression. The seconds before he spoke again made you feel like your heart just flopped over and called it quits right there. Then he smiled, all sunshiny and warm, and chuckled a little as his hands moved to brace himself over you. "Jaeger, I think I just came in my pants. I love you too, asshole."

________________________

 **You pulled at the collar of your shirt** and made a face at the shining bruise residing on your neck, and Jean laughed. "This isn't funny, horseface, Armin's gonna tease me so much! Geez, its so big.."

"Where have I heard that phrase before?" He said from behind you, his hands snaking around your waist and locking together in front of your stomach. You let go of your shirt collar and tilted your head back to rest on his shoulder, pouting. "You are horrible. Stop making fun of me."

"I'm the absolute WORST, aren't I Jaeger?" he snarked as he stepped away, and the corner of your mouth tilted up in an amused smile, going back to sit on his bed and rest your legs. "You were fucking relentless, by the way. What brought that on?"

Jean stayed silent, taking his place beside you as he looked down into his lap. "Well... you said you loved me.. I was a bit excited." He replied finally, and you looked over to him with a sweet smile on your face. "Christ, Kirschtein, you're so sentimental," you said as you put your arm around his shoulder and squeezed him closer. 

"Only for you, Jaeger."

You beamed at him once more and threw your other arm around him, practically sitting in his lap as you buried your face further into his neck to hide your blush. You're sure he felt the heat of your cheeks on his skin anyway, but damn it- you'd never really felt quite like this. Almost whole, if you could even say it like that.

And still, Jean's breath hitched as if he was second guessing himself, and you couldn't help but feel like something was missing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry, i am so awful at writing smut. next chapter should be more eventful!!


	6. chocolate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life is funny that way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chocolate - the 1975
> 
> hello it took me forever to finish this got damn chapter but it is DONE and im sorry for any mistakes i dont have a beta so i'll just read through it when i have time and fix anything then. its currently 1:35 am for me so bare with me. ANYWAY! without further adieu- here it is!

Your first day at work was nuts. Training wasn't difficult, the coffee contraptions were relatively easy to use. The first day, all you had to do was make drinks.

That job deserves its own special place in hell. 

Armin helped you as much as he was allowed, of course, and you had someone standing by to make sure that a.) people knew you were a trainee and b.) you didn't mess up too horribly.

The Monday morning rush is fucking crazy, and by lunch you were almost in hysterics as you and Armin stepped into the staff area to grab your lunches from your bags.

"Ar, why didn't you tell me this was so difficult?" you said in a whine, and Armin giggled. "Relax, you're doing just fine! A lot better than Connie and Sasha had when they first started, apparently. Connie says he's super impressed with your coffee skills."

You blushed slightly and rubbed the back of your neck as the grip on your lunch bag tightened slightly in embarrassed modesty. "I-I'm not THAT good.."

"Are you KIDDING? You are the best in the world at making coffee! I'd drink a coffee you made any day, and I don't even like coffee! That says something!"

Your face dropped and you looked at him in disbelief. "Armin, you ask me to make you coffee every morning-"

"Exactly! See what I mean? Your coffee changed my life. Though, now that you found me out, you should take up how to make the choco-latte's they serve here." He winked at you and smiled his trademark smile, and as he started walking towards the table you followed, wondering if everything Armin had told you he liked was just a lie. "Does this mean you didn't like my stir fry?" You mumbled as you sat down, looking completely lost. Armin giggled, slapping his hand on the table lightly as he placed a hand over his heart. "Eren, you're really too cute for your own good."

________________________

Three more drinks to go and then you were off for the day. These last three you were left to make them ~~mostly, save for Armin worrying over you like he's your mother~~ unsupervised, and you had faith that you could do it. Hell, one of them was just an easy plain black tea. The job was practically made out for you already. You gave the two ladies waiting at the take-away counter their nutmeg latte's with a smile and a wink, and they giggled as they walked out the door of the cafe looking over their shoulders back at you.

Black tea, for the man in the back corner.. You searched the cafe with the drink in hand, eyebrows knitted together as you searched. When your eyes landed on him, you almost dropped his drink.

"It's totally the guy that threatened to murder me.." you whispered, wondering if you could just make Armin deliver it. They seemed to get along just fine, you're sure he would do it. You turned around, about to ask him to take it to him and spare your life, but as soon as your mouth opened he shot you a big smile and an encouraging thumbs up. 

He fucking arranged this.

You sighed and looked between Armin and the scary guy before taking in a breath and holding it as you walked towards him cautiously, and you think you saw the man flash an amused smile down at his table, like he was trying to hide it; It was off his face when you got there, and he looked so immensely disinterested that you decided you must've imagined it to intimidate yourself a little less.

"Um, here's your tea, sir." You nervously put the cup on the table and waited patiently as he looked- no, glared- up at you and took a tantalizingly slow sip. He was torturing you. Then his eyes widened slightly as he pulled the cup away from his face, staring at it incredulously (or, as incredulous as someone as straight-faced as him could manage, anyway.) You took a hesitant step back, fearing he was going to throw it at you in anger, but he schooled his expression once more and took another, longer, sip. "Thank you," the man mumbled as he blindly reached for the newspaper kept on the tables as a poor attempt to entertain those who don't come equipped with phones or laptops. Or, those who just like reading the news. You take your pick.

You nodded (almost bowed, really) and began to walk back towards the counter to take off your silly work apron (thank god it wasn't green) and hide forever. That was probably the scariest experience of your entire life, you muse internally as Armin approaches from behind you. 

"Eren!" he squeals, and you almost drop your heavy drawstring bag on your feet. That definitely would have broken a few toes. "Yeah, Ar?"

"You did so good today!"

"Oh my fucking god, I cant BELIEVE you sent me out to that scary guy in the corner! Talk about a dick move! You KNOW I'm scared of him!" You turned around to face him and whined, shoving your things into your bag with a pouty flourish.

"No, Eren, that's the thing! He came to me after he was finished and thanked me for the best tea he's ever had in his entire life, he asked me what I did different!" He was grinning wildly, and your heart skipped a beat. "But the only thing I did different was make you make it, and he loved it! He is one of our most picky customers, he always requests I make it because apparently I'm the only one who knows how, but not anymore!"

You stepped back and took in all this information. The angriest man you've ever met, the pickiest customer, the one who takes his tea black, said that the cup you made him was the best he's ever had in his life? "Eren, you look like you're gonna faint." Armin pointed out, and you took in a deep breath, suddenly smiling your widest smile. 

"This job really isn't that bad after all."

____________________________

"Jean, it's so cool working here! They all say I'm a natural," You gushed over the phone. You hear him sigh on the other end of the line, and you smile. "I know, I miss you too. But seriously, stop by Legion sometime! Not to brag, but the coffee here is the best in probably the entire world." You smirked, and he chuckled on the other line. " _You drive a convincing bargain, Jaeger,_ " he speaks, and you lay back on your bed as you press the phone closer to your ear. " _though, I'd eat or drink anything you make me._ " he finished, and you giggled as a flush settled on your face. "Jeaaann, you're such a tease!" You pouted, rolling over onto your stomach. " _I love it when you say my name like that, baby~_ " he purrs on the other line, and you grumble some choice insults through the mic on your cell as he chuckles. "Anyway, you big pervert," He sputters something about how he is TOTALLY NOT a pervert, "How's job interviews going so far?" Jean perked up at that, you could hear him shuffling on the other end as he squeaked out a little 'oh! right!' " _There's this one guy that looks pretty good for the job. His name is Marco, he's very tidy, and he has like a million freckles._ " He laughed, and you bristled. Jean had told you once he had a thing for freckles. You brushed it off, scowling at yourself for getting so panicked so fast. He said he loved you, and one guy with freckles wouldn't erase the 4 months that you've been dating. This is irrational, intrusive thought, and it is _extremely_ unwelcome.

Yet, you still felt a little uneasy. Your stomach clenched as you forced a smile on your face, sitting up on your bed and swallowing hard. "Jean? I'd love to talk more, but I just remembered I have to do the dishes today, and Armin will bite my head off if I don't. I'll talk to you later?" 

" _Oh, no, that's totally fine. I still have some interviews to go through, but I think I'm gonna choose Marco._ " Your breath caught in your throat. " _I'll just text him some more while you're gone. Hey, I love you, okay?_ "

God, you hated yourself for being so petty. There is no threat, and you're FINE. "I love you too, Jean." His voice went soft on the other line, and it kind of reminded you of a marshmallow. You loved it when he talked like that. Now, it was making you extremely unsettled. " _My one and only, Jaeger. I'll talk to you later._ "

And just like that, the call was over and you were unexplainably conflicted. You knew absolutely that he was yours, and that you were fine, so why did you feel so disturbed? He talked about other guys before, nothing was wrong then. Your instinct must be really fucked up, you decide as you meander into the kitchen to look for some food or something.

"Eren? Is that you?" Armin poked his head out from the hallway, and you closed the fridge after grabbing a bottle of water, turning to face him. You smiled weakly. "Who else would it be?"

Armin frowned, walking towards you and leaning against the kitchen island as you both stood parallel to each other. "What's wrong? Did something happen with Jean?" You sighed and shrugged, cracking open the bottle and taking a drink. "Sorta? It's all on my end, really. But I cant help but feel worried..." Armin cocked his head, raising an eyebrow as his long blond hair swished to the side. "What happened?" You bit your lip, putting the water bottle down as you cradled your face in your hands. One hand was cold and the other wasn't, and it made for a weird sensation as you rubbed them on your cheeks and began explaining. "I don't know, he said he's interviewing some guy named Marco and he has lots of freckles and Jean likes freckles a lot, I remember him telling me that. And I know, before you lecture me, it's super dumb to get my panties in a twist over some guy with freckles; but hear me out. Normally I don't care if he talks to other guys, but this one... Ar, I have a bad feeling about this."

Armin pressed the tips of his fingers together and observed you carefully, his lips pursing. "I see. No, I think its reasonable for you to feel threatened. But, I'm sure Marco knows he's in a relationship, and will back off if anything. Any decent person would. As for Jean..."

You swallowed audibly.

"You guys are strong. You should trust him a bit more."

He had an astounding point, and you'd feel enlightened if you didn't already know that yourself. "It isn't a lack of trust, Armin," you replied after a stale silence, and he pushed himself off of the island as he walked back towards his room. 

"Are you sure?"

____________________________

 

After Armin dropped that huge bomb on you, you decided to go for a walk. You didn't exactly know where to, but after wandering aimlessly around campus without a destination, you found yourself outside of Legion. You decided to step in and maybe grab something to calm yourself down and warm you up; the November air was chilly and unforgiving, and you needed something to clear your mind anyway. 

You pushed the door open and were instantly met with the customary greeting, and a surprised squeal. Sasha was in front today, which probably meant Connie wasn't too far away as well. "Oh gosh, Eren! A Godsend! I need you to fill a last minute shift, do you have time?" You walked further into the cafe as you grabbed at your phone in your pocket, looking at the time and shrugging passively. "Yeah, I do." She looked relieved as she pushed a strand of hair behind her ear, and you watched with amusement as it fell right back into place. "Con felt sick and had to step out, and I've been covering both of our shifts for the last half hour. I'll make sure you get paid extra for over time, but I need you to cover while I check up on him. Is that okay? I know you're a newbie and all-"

"Sasha, it's fine. I'll cover it, I know how to work a cash register. Plus, it doesn't seem super busy, so I can manage until you get back. I'll be fine." A look of relief flashed over her face as you stepped into the back, grabbing a spare apron and smiling at her warmly as she untied the string around her back. "I'll buy you fries or something sometime to make up for this!" She yelled to you as she hurried out the back door, and you laughed as you looked over the counters.

You picked up a cloth and began wiping them down, wondering how she had managed to get it so messy when the bell above the door jingled. "Welcome to Legion!" You greeted cheerfully, and when you went up to the counter you were met with none other than the guy who threatened to kill you. 

"Oh, it's you." You breathed, a nervous smile gracing your face. He looked up at you with a sour scowl, and you decided maybe he wasn't one for small talk. You wondered if he was in a hurry, but it was late- where could he be going? "Um- don't tell me, you were black tea, right? Will you be getting a decaf along with that, or just the tea for tonight?" The man's eyes widened a fraction, and you smiled with pride as he gave his reply. "Just the tea... How did you memorize that so fast? Isn't this your fourth day?"

"I have an pretty good memory. For who?" You held up a cup and a marker, waiting for him to give you his name. This was mostly not necessary, but you wanted to know. Your 'pretty good' memory couldn't remember his damn name. "Levi," he replied as he searched in his wallet for the correct amount of change to give you. You peeked over and saw a picture of him in his ID slot, with a big blond guy with sparkley blue eyes that rivalled Armin's. He was smiling, really big. Levi's posture fell a little as his eyes strayed towards it, and you set to making his tea. "On the house," you smiled up at him over the coffee contraptions as you put together his drink.

He looked up in surprise, his eyebrows furrowing together in slight annoyance. That... that isn't normally what happens when you offer someone a free drink, is it? "I'm fully capable of paying for myself, thanks." He bit out at you, and you were briefly reminded of the very first time you met. You almost shivered, but focused instead on putting drop of honey and a small pinch of salt into the tea and stirring it quickly before placing the lid on it, nice and steady. He liked it the last time, right?

"Well, if you insist, then." You handed him his tea, and he handed you his change as you popped the numbers into the cashier. "Next time, though."

"No." Levi replied promptly and then walked away, going to sit in the back corner of the cafe and pulling out his phone.

"Let me be nice to you!" You yelled across the cafe. You'd be ashamed if there were someone else here, but the cafe was practically empty save for him. "I don't need some dropout's charity, thanks." He shouted back, his eyes not moving from the phone. Instead of being offended, you laughed. "That's a good one. No, I'm in college!" You replied, smiling at him. He clicked his tongue, and you had never heard anyone make that sound before.

"I don't remember asking for a life story, kid." You frowned pointedly at him, but he didn't even look up. Well, fine. If he wanted to sit inside a quiet and awkward cafe, so be it.

After a pregnant silence (mostly on your end) that consisted of you pouting and cleaning the machines, serving customers as they came and went, and Levi mindlessly scrolling through whatever-the-fuck on his phone, Levi sighed, and as bad as you wanted to look up at him, you stood your ground and made a point to avoid looking at him at all costs. Even if that wasn't his objective, you denied him that satisfaction anyway. Silence fell over the two of you once again, and Levi cleared his throat. Once more, you refused to give him that victory. You heard him shuffle in his seat as the legs of the chair scraped on the floor, being pulled out and pushed back in. You heard Levi's bag sling over his shoulder, a scratchy noise sounding as it slid over the fabric of his fall jacket. 

You finally looked up, only to notice him walk towards the bar and pull out a stool, setting himself up there. He continued on with not saying anything, his cup in his hand as he continued to scroll on his cell; though you had a sneaking suspicion he wasn't really paying attention to whatever it was. You smiled warmly again, continuing to wipe everything down. He was weird. When you deemed it tidy enough, you went and leaned over the counter where Levi was sitting.

"You aren't good at talking, are you?" He bristled, and you giggled a bit as you shook your head. Levi didn't even have a response. "It's okay. Neither is my boyfriend."

Levi looked up at that, raising an eyebrow. "Boyfriend, huh?"

Your face went red, eyes widening only slightly as you looked away. Shit, you didn't even mean to say that. "Gosh, you have rather selective hearing, don't you?" You replied, and he chuckled. "I suppose. I would have never guessed, you look so painfully straight." Your eyebrows furrowed together, and you opened your mouth to reply before closing it again. "Should I be offended by that statement?" You asked, and he shrugged as he took another sip of his tea. "Its open to interpretation."

"What about you, then? Are YOU dating anyone?" You asked.

The air around you thickened instantaneously with a tense silence that made it hard to breathe. What had you said that was so-

" _He just went through an awful breakup,_ " You heard Armin's voice ring out through your head.

Shit.

"I think it's about time for me to get going home." He stood up to leave, and your heart snapped in two as he gathered his things. 

"Wait, Levi-"

You reached out for him, but he was just out of reach. He stopped anyway, looking over his shoulder. You could just barely see the weight of the reminder of it crushing him. "I am fine. I'll see you tomorrow." He deadpanned, and then he walked out of the shop. He was gone as quickly as he had came, and you felt like a real asshole for messing up his night like that.

"Your name is Eren Jaeger," You muse out loud as you hang your head over the counter where Levi's half finished tea sat, where he used to be. "And your area of expertise is fucking everything up."


	7. little lion man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's always there, even when he's not. Like he's cursed you, or he's haunting you, even though he's not dead. He'll always be there, wont he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so before y'all start reading this if u have a big issue with suicide u can just skip the chapter ok this isnt suuuper relevant to the plot like its mentioned a few times but its fine if it triggers u u dont have to. and also; if you are struggling with taking meds or suicide; im here for you. i love you. i know its hard (i myself have struggled with a lot of these things so i get you dw) but i also know there is so much potential in you. even if i havent met you or talked to you, i love you. live, and remember i love you. I mean it.
> 
> little lion man - of monsters and men

You walked out. You just walked out. What was there to say? There wasn't a response for that kind of thing when you weren't ready to talk about it. When you weren't ready to be open. Aren't you supposed to be moving on?

And still, every time he crosses your mind your heart stings in your chest, it feels like you've died. 

He tries calling you every once in a while, feigns interest in your wellbeing. You know if he really cared about you he'd be actively trying to fix his mistake- his unfixable mistake. Maybe a small, sadistic part of you just wants to see him scramble to win you back. Maybe you just want to see him crawl, bow down to you as you put your boot down in his soft golden hair and watch the slush from the streets trickle in. You want him to be the mess he made you into.

Unlikely. Erwin Smith was never a mess. He was always cleaned up, he was neat, crisp and fresh no matter what. His suits and ties and bows and his stupid eyes, blue like a diamond, a crystal clear sky on a perfect day. You hated him. You hated what he did. And yet..

You walked with purpose towards your apartment building, taking the stairs in a weak attempt to try and sweat out the pain you keep feeling. You stop at the very top and turn your shoulder to look behind you, down at all the steps you passed. You could fall back, just let go. It'd be fine. It'd be over.

You entertained the thought for a while longer, weighing out the pros and cons, before holding onto the railing and leaning back slightly. Your heart dropped in your chest as you allowed yourself to lean back a bit more, adrenaline beginning to course through your body. Your free hand trembled as you released a shaky breath, pulling yourself back up as you cursed yourself out and continued to walk up the stairs. "Levi, you're a fucking coward."

You walked up to the door to your apartment and jammed the key in the lock, twisting the knob as you opened and closed it behind you. Your phone buzzed in your pocket, and you pulled it out to see what was so important.

It had probably been going off for longer than you thought, because you had 27 texts and 2 missed calls from none other than everyones ~~least~~ favourite four eyes.

**Shitty Glasses** : LEVI!! LEVI LEVI LEVI!  
 **Shitty Glasses** : U BETTER NOT BE IGNORING ME!  
 **Shitty Glasses** : wait, LEVI! ARE YOU DEAD!  
 **Shitty Glasses** : U BETTER NOT BE DEAD  
 **Shitty Glasses** : LEVI I KNOW SCIENCE I WILL BRING U BACK TO LIFE  
 **Shitty Glasses** : AND THEN KILL U AGAIN!

**Shitty Glasses** : if u were actually dead id feel like such shit rn lmao

**Shitty Glasses** : levi pls answer me

**Shitty Glasses** : im comin over to see if ur dead. but u better not be, i have ur fave tea and some good movies!! >8D

You sighed loudly, rubbing your hand on your face as you walked into your room and plugged your phone in, flopping down on your bed and letting loose a long, loud groan. As much as you appreciated Hanji, you just felt like sleeping. Or dying. Whichever comes first. ~~Though realistically, with your sleeping problems, death might come easier to you than slumber.~~

You lay face down on your bed for a while longer before you hear your door almost bust open and Hanji screaming from your living room. "LEEEEVIIIIIIIIII!!!! LEVI!! I KNOW YOU'RE IN HERE, AND TOTALLY NOT DEAD!" You heard bags shuffling and plastic smacking down on your table as their shoes clacked on your floor. You hope they intend to clean that up.

"Go away," You yelled, the sound muffled by the blanket. They came bounding towards your room (are their feet really that big? Jesus.) and paused for a second once they entered, and you thought maybe they'd take a hint and get the fuck out. Then, a large weight is flopped onto you and the wind is simultaneously pushed out of your lungs. "Levi! Why were you ignoring me? What happened!?"

You lifted your head for a second, taking in a deep breath to re-gain the air you lost as they got comfortable on top of your ~~probably freshly broken~~ ribs. "Leeeeeeeviiiiiiii," they moaned on top of you, and you only groaned again. "No."

"What happened? You're more grumpy than usual; and that's sayin something!" They shouted, and the pressure on your back was relieved as they sat up. You stayed silent for a while, and they followed suit. Eventually, they stood up, and your heart sank just a bit as you had a fleeting thought that they were leaving. The silence in the air went stale, and you could only find the motivation to turn your head to watch them leave your room. You listened carefully for the sound of the door opening and closing, but instead you heard their boots clack and hit the ground (you'd forget the fact that they wore their disgusting and probably wet boots into your room on your clean carpet for the sake of your current mental health) and then your fridge opening as your stove clicked on. They were gonna make you food. Could you even eat? You didn't feel like doing anything.

You could just hide under your covers and not do anything until you died. That sounds appealing.

The smell of soup wafted into your bedroom, along with the sound of the water in your kettle boiling, and that also sounded appealing. Maybe dying can wait. You pulled yourself off your bed, grabbing the throw blanket you keep on the end and wrapping it firmly around yourself as you waddled into the kitchen and sat down at the island. Surely enough, Hanji was stationed at your stove, stirring up a medium sized pot. You were surprised at the lack of mess in your house, considering they had been here for longer than 5 minutes, but you were silently grateful that they didn't leave when you told them to. Tonight isn't a good night to be alone. "G'morning, sleepyhead," they joked as they pulled the pot off of the element, and you lay your head down in your arms, shifting against the counter you were sitting at. "I hope you like potato soup, because it's one of the only things I know how to make. Oh, and I got the water started so you can get some of that tea I so graciously brought for you!" Your perked up slightly at that, and you decided that it was perfectly necessary for you to get up and make yourself some tea. ~~God knows you cant trust them to do it.~~ You shuffled again over to your cupboards, unplugging the kettle from the stove and pulling it closer to you. You held your hand over the steam puffing out of the spout, and the heat stung your palm. You didn't mind. Didn't even flinch.

You fixed yourself a cup of tea and sat down again, just as Hanji was setting a bowl full of soup in front of you with a smile on their face as they went to get their own bowl. "I'd offer to do the dishes afterwards, but I feel like you don't trust me with cleaning anything." they snickered to themselves, and you smirked. "Damn right," you breathed as you held a spoon up to your face and blew the steam off. 

"Gasp! He speaks!" they shouted enthusiastically as they sat down next to you, that big stupid grin still on their face. You shook your head, not really in the mood as you spooned the soup into your mouth cautiously. They watched you carefully for a reaction, but you only shrugged. "It's good," you mumbled before taking another spoonful into your mouth. They scoffed. "Hmph! I march my ass all the way over to your apartment with groceries I bought with my OWN MONEY, and make you a soup using my OWN TIME, and all I get is "its good",? Hmph! Hmph hmph!"

The corner of your mouth quirked up slightly as you put your spoon back in the bowl. "No one asked you to come over and baby me, you know." Your arms crossed as you leaned back in your chair, waiting for a response. "You were BEGGING to be babied, Levi, trust me. You sent out a distress signal or something, I sensed it." They retorted matter-of-factly and you clicked your tongue. It was probably because you weren't answering your texts, but they can be weird if they want to be. You appreciated that they were so worried for you, and that they went so far as to go grocery shopping and make you food. You felt selfish for not talking to them for two months. Erwin was never worth losing someone like Hanji, no matter how touched in the head they are. "Speaking of distress.. Have you been taking your meds lately? That's a full bottle of zoloft on your bedside, I think that's the only thing capable of collecting dust in your vicinity."

You sighed, grimacing a little as you hunched back over your soup. "I don't like taking them. I don't need meds to be a human being," you snipped, and saw them exhale from the corner of your eye. A hand landed on your shoulder, and it was warm and soft. Like Erwins's. You flinched, and they pulled their hand away, sighing once more. "Look, Levi, I love you with all my heart, but skipping out on taking your anti-depressants is a stupid move to make for someone with brains of your caliber."

You pointedly ignored that statement and picked up your spoon again, stirring the soup in your bowl before bringing it to your mouth. "Levi, I know that you don't like hearing these kinds of things, but it's messing with your body chemistry." You didn't respond. You already knew. And yet, that didn't stop you, did it? "Levi, answer m-"

"Hanji," your spoon clattered as it fell into the bowl, and they jumped. "I appreciate the effort you put into coming here and parenting me, but I don't fucking need it," You snapped. Their lips pursed in frustration. "Levi, I'm seri-"

"So am I."

You looked at the drops of soup that splattered onto the counter with disdain, getting up to go and grab a cloth to wipe it. Hanji's hand on your wrist stalled you, but you pulled it out of their grip with ease. You looked back at them, and the look in their eyes made you want to throw up. It was pity.

You stood there for a second, just staring at them as your face hardened into a look of betrayal and anger. "Get. Out." Their face twisted into confusion as they opened their mouth to protest, and you cut them off. "Get the fuck out of my apartment, Zöe." You grabbed the dishes off the island and tossed them into the sink, and you could hear the bowl shatter as it hit the stainless steal. You twitched at the thought of another mrss to clean, another thing to replace. That certainly wasn't your intention at all. Hanji blanched at the sudden violence and stood from their place on the stool, swallowing hard and giving you a firm look laced with the smallest bit fear. Bravery. "I am only trying to take care of you, since you're so incapable of doing it your god damn self, Levi. You do not have to be such a fucking jackass about it," they bit out, and you scoffed as you crossed your arms. You felt like a child who had been caught drawing on the walls or something, the lecture your real parents never gave you. "I wont go around saying I know whats best for you, because I'm not a fucking idiot; but I do know whats bad for you, and I wish you weren't so fucked up and worried about your stupid, worthless pride so you'd listen to someone that isn't yourself for a change."

You looked up at them with serious surprise on your face, not expecting them to lash out like this. You knew you deserved it, but the last person you ever expected to say it to you was them. Serves you right for always taking advantage of them, you suppose. They turned to get their boots on, slinging their coat on over their shoulders, and just like that they were out of your house, leaving the door wide open. You'd like to say you didn't have time for self-loathing, but you knew you fucked up and fully acknowledged that. Your hands started shaking and your stomach tied in a knot as you walked over to your computer.

_"Missing dosages of anti-depressant medication is not recommended, as it will affect the hormones in your body. As soon as you notice a missed dose, recover your schedule and begin to take it again. Side effects of prolonged missed dosages may include but are not limited to; drowsiness, mood swings, lack of motivation, increased thoughts of suicide, increased anxiety, and irritability. If thoughts of suicide occur, call your doctor or physician immediately."_

They were right, and you knew it, but it was still too late for you to recover it now. Too late to recover anything, really. Their words rang in your head as you slipped your shoes on, gripping your keys in the pocket of your jacket. _'I wish you weren't so fucked up and worried about your stupid worthless pride,'_ was it? You wished you'd have been more rational about it before you angered probably one of the only people you have left- but losing things that mean the most to you is a habit of yours, right?

You don't blame Erwin for what he did anymore. You justified it, if you had to date someone like yourself for that long, you'd probably have done the same. 

You took a moment to take a good look at yourself in the mirror hanging by your door. The one Erwin put there. The only thing you kept.

You looked at your face, at your hollow eyes and sharp cheekbones and the dead look on your face. All you could see was a monster. All you're good at is hurting people, abusing them or their kindness and pushing them away. You could only think of one word- Disgusting.

You locked your door with haste and left the apartment building, watching the cars go by as the sky darkened even further, until the sun disappeared beyond the horizon and it was black outside. You felt raindrops prick at the tops of your hands and smiled despairingly, swallowing hard. "Its only fitting it start raining at a time like this," you say softly as you stop at the intersection just a block away from your house. 

As you walked, you didn't know why you hadn't executed it sooner. The world would truly have been better off had you not wasted this much time being a fucking coward.

**Levi** : I'm sorry, Hanji.  
 **Levi** : You don't have to worry about my bullshit anymore.

The cars all rushed by, and you took one last look at your surroundings, memorizing probably the last thing you'll ever see as you cover your eyes and step forward into the road.

You thank god one last time for the shittiest 28 years of your life before it all fades to black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my tumblr url is thetrancyboy btw (^; if you need literally anything or have suggestions or ideas or feedback, or even anon hate (its ok anon i hate myself too) my ask/submit boxes are always open!! ♡


	8. sky full of stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time heals all wounds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sky full of stars - coldplay
> 
> this chapter is a bit everywhere and no where im. so bad at writing coherently lmAoooooo anyway i hope its satisfactory

"Hey! HEY! NO!"

You ran towards the sidewalk, yelling loudly as your hand reached out for the guy that was about to walk into heavy traffic with his hand covering his eyes. What kind of sick game of chicken was he playing?

Time seemed to slow down as your hand gripped the back of his jacket in a rush of pure panic, pulling him back and wrapping your arms around him to brace the both of you; you sucked in a breath as you fell backwards and landed on your ass, and that is definitely going to leave a bruise or something. The guy squirmed in your arms, his hands gripping at your wrists as he struggled to break free. You're almost certain that a few people have stopped and stared, and you were thankful that few people are out at this time of night, save for the occasional straggler. "Let me  
go, damn it!"

"With all due respect sir, I don't think I can trust you not to try and walk into the street again just yet, so I'm gonna have to deny you that request." He sounded awfully familiar. You heard the guy click his tongue almost as if he were protesting, but his struggling stopped as he exhaled and allowed his head to fall back onto your shoulder in defeat. You kept him there for a few solid seconds before releasing your grip, and he was up almost instantly. 

"Hey, so what the heck was that anyway? Are you going to be alright?"

You stood up and brushed off the back of your pants, no doubt they were wet and gross because of the dirty sidewalk, but you supposed it was a small price to pay. The man hadn't turned to face you yet, and he ran a hand through his hair. "I cant even commit suicide, what kind of a failure am I?"

"I- I'm sorry, what? Did I just- Oh, oh my God, I had no idea.. I feel like I should apologize, but I don't feel bad about saving your life or anything, I just-"

"You don't think before you speak, do you kid?" The man turned around, and your eyes widened in recognition. THAT'S why he sounded so familiar! Your breath shallowed as your mouth went dry, and his eyes widened with slight recognition.

"You're the new barista at the cafe," he said, and you would have retorted with something sarcastic if a.) you hadn't just stopped him from killing himself and b.) you didn't feel personally responsible for triggering this somehow. "Jaeger, was it?" You nodded dumbly, scratching the back of your neck. ~~The man~~ Levi laughed dryly, and your head tilted. "I guess I'm really not destined to die after all," he spoke again, and you exhaled a breath you didn't realize you had been holding. "Shit, yeah, of course not! Jesus, what would make you think-" You shut your mouth quickly before you said anything else to upset him, promptly reminding yourself that it was most likely _your_ fault he felt like this. "Let me buy you a drink or something," You finished instead, and Levi gave you a weird look. "You don't look old enough to buy me alcohol. I'd at least like you to get me dinner first, before you try to get me drunk." He smirked, and your face reddened. "I will have you know I am 22 years old! And that isn't what I meant. I was on my way home, but there's a 24 hour coffee place just outside my apartment, and I feel like you need something. But if you'd like something to eat, I could arrange that as well."

The light of passing traffic illuminated his face, and you watched his features shift as he seriously thought about your offer. "Why are you being so generous to me?" He asked suddenly, and you looked down at him, answering without hesitation. "I crossed a line earlier, and I didn't get to apologize."

You can normally see what people are thinking. Their facial features are easy to discern, and with one look you can have their deciphered within seconds. There was only one person you knew that could hide from you, and it was Armin; but looking down at Levi, you don't think you've ever met someone who was so hard to read. You didn't know if he was angry or sad, he could even still be contemplating just falling back into traffic. There could be a million things on his mind, and you would bet not one of them was entertaining the idea of you buying him food. 

He sighed, and you waited patiently for his answer. "If you buy me some bullshit like McDonalds, I will make you swallow without chewing."

It baffled you how he could go from despairing so much that he'd actually try for suicide to someone who was joking with ~~and threatening~~ you within seconds. Was he okay? "Th-there's a good sandwich shop near my apartment, if you'd like? They sell soup too, but if that isn't your, uh, cup of tea," you inwardly patted yourself on the back for the awkward joke, "we could find somewhere else."

He scoffed at you, but this sounded more like a coverup. He laughed! You smiled in triumph, hoping you didn't look too stupid out of context as you lifted your shoulders. Pride. "Soup and sandwiches sound fine. And- you suck at making jokes, by the way. So, are we gonna get going or something?"

Levi, you decided, was a one-of-a-kind kind of weirdo.

________________________

Levi insisted on staying up at the counter and watching the servers put together your sandwiches, and you went to find a seat while shooting weird looks at him over your shoulder. He said something about making sure they properly washed the cooking area, and you didn't listen past that. How could he be so nonchalant?

Well, thinking more on it, you suppose there's a lot his appearance doesn't give away at first glance. You looked over to him and saw his hand fidgeting at his pocket. His fingers twitched, as if he were about to draw a gun for a duel. His hair was mussed up- it had looked like he ran his hands through it at least a few times since the last time you had seen him today. His eye-bags were a bit darker upon closer inspection, ~~though you were really just squinting,~~ and his upper lip curled up in an impatient snarl as he continued to harass the worker about their establishment's sanitary policy. 

He looked back at you with a face that was sort of miffed, as if he were blaming you for this place not being up to his standards, and you smiled widely back at him. He stared at you for a few seconds longer, the anger fading from his face as he turned back around abruptly. Yeah, he really was a weird guy. He shoved his hands into his jacket pockets, one hand pulling out a phone. He texted someone (you assumed, anyway) and then pocketed it again, and when the sandwiches were presented to him he took them with haste and walked over to the table you had found for you guys to sit at. "It isn't as disgusting here as I'd expected, but it's still pretty filthy," he said as he passed you your sandwich and then proceeded to open his up. "Hey, I'll have you know I eat here all the time, and I am perfectly fine!" You retorted defensively. Levi looked you up and down, quirked an eyebrow, and smirked at you. "Really now?"

You turned red and pursed your lips together, pouting as you took a quick bite of your sandwich, nodding fervently as you looked away. You swallowed your food as your eyebrows furrowed, and he chuckled. "It is painfully easy to make fun of you, you know. Your features are so obvious." 

"Are you okay?" You blurted out, your hands suddenly on the table as you leaned in closer to him to see his face. He looked surprised, leaning back in his chair as you moved in closer. "I guess you really aren't all that easy to predict," he sighed, and you'd have smiled again in triumph if you didn't have more pressing matters to concern yourself with. "Was it what I said? Er, what I asked? I'm sorry if it is, I didn't know what I was getting myself into because I cant shut my big mouth and-"

"Oi. Slow down, okay? It wasn't you."

You paused, confusion on your face as you calmed down a little and leaned back in your seat.

"I... got into a fight with someone I care a lot about. I took them trying to help me for granted and... I've never seen them so pissed off in my life. I don't think I'll be seeing them anymore."

"They were the decaf, right?"

Levi raised a thin eyebrow at you, looking like he was trying to discern what you said. "Oh, I mean, mostly when you come in, you get a decaf with your tea. Theirs?" He sighed, sinking into his seat as he nodded. "Yeah. They're fucking crazy, as if they'd need more caffeine." You giggled at this, resting your elbows on the table as you placed your head in your hands. Levi turned his head to look at the walls, and you noted how bright he made the area seem in contrast to his dark colours. It was beautiful.

"I don't think that'll be the last time you see them." You breathed when the silence stretched on. He looked back at you, about to say something, but you cut him off. "If they got so angry over something involving your wellbeing, it isn't a blowout fight. They're angry because they care, and they're worried."

His mouth opened and closed, as if he were searching for some sort of retort. Like he was going to contradict you. He's looking for something to prove you wrong, but both of you know its true. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose between his two fingers, and you briefly wondered if his hands were as soft as they looked.

"I want to yell at you and tell you you're wrong," He said, and the rest was unsaid. You smiled at him, and he sighed as he slouched in his chair and gingerly took a bite of his sandwich, which had thus far been untouched. "I didn't know you could be so smart, kid."

"I'm taking a psychology class alongside world history." You replied. You couldn't find it in yourself to take insult, you figured thats as much of a compliment as you'll ever get from him. "It makes reading into things a bit easier. Like glasses, but for your brain." You said, and he smiled at that, his frame shaking in the ghost of a laugh. "Glasses for your brain, eh?" He raised an eyebrow and smirked at you, and you laughed again. "That's how my professor said it, so."

You both ate in silence for a while, though it wasn't as uncomfortable as you'd expected it to be. It was comforting, calm; it felt like what peace should feel like. "Thank you," Levi murmured, and as you opened your mouth to reply your phone buzzed in your pocket. You smiled awkwardly and he only rolled his eyes playfully, continuing to eat his sandwich as you slipped your phone out of your jeans. 

"Unknown number.." You said out loud as you answered it and brought it to your ear. "Hello? Eren Jaeger speaking," You said, and waited carefully for a response.

 _"Hey Jaeger,"_ a familiar voice crooned, and you brightened up a bit as you straightened yourself out and sat up in your seat. Levi looked at you curiously, but you didn't catch it. "Jean! What the heck, you haven't been answering any of my texts!" You said scoldingly, with no real bite to it. Jean laughed nervously on the other line and you heard pots and pans clashing in the background. _"I told you I was gonna be talking with Marco a bit more earlier, right? He said he couldn't get out of his house so I just went over. This is his phone, and he's making dinner for us right now!"_

You shrunk in your seat a little bit, a scared look crossing your face for a second before you wiped it off and swallowed, forcing a smile once more. "Ah, I see. Well, you two seem kinda close already?" You asked subtly, hoping he didn't pick up the jealous undertones of it. You looked over at Levi, who was staring at you with a look that just faintly expressed concern, and waved your hand to shrug it off. "That also doesn't explain why you weren't answering my texts, you know."

 _"Ah, yeah. My phone died earlier, so I haven't been getting them. I'm sorry."_ That was a lie. They were delivering. "It's fine, but you owe me now," You replied, and he laughed. _"Yeah, you bet! Anyway, I gotta go, but I just wanted to let you know I was alright. Hey, I love you, okay?"_

"Yeah. You too." You replied, almost bitterly. Levi's hand reached over to yours, hovering over it like he was going to ask if you were okay. You only pulled your hand away and looked down into your lap, swallowing again. _"Babe? You okay?_

"Peachy. Goodnight!" You said, hanging up before he could say anything else. You sighed and looked up at the walls, staring blankly at the artwork that lined them. Your eyes flitted from picture to picture, but you weren't really taking them in.

"Oi... is everything alright?"

You snapped your gaze back to Levi, who was now slightly leaning over the table as he looked at you with thinly veiled worry. Was he even trying to hide it?

You smiled and stood from the table, holding eye contact with him. "Let me walk you home, Levi."

"Kid, look-"

"Not now. Its late."

Levi sighed in frustration as he stood up as well, straightening his jacket on his back as his eyes hardened into a firm glare. You ignored it and walked out of the store, yelling a thank you to the employees before the door closed behind you and Levi.

"So? Where do you live?"

Levi huffed and turned on his heel before walking towards his apartment, and you scrambled after him to catch up. You walked in stride next to him as a stiff silence fell over you, and you clenched your fists in your jacket. "My boyfriend is getting close to someone who might replace me at my old job."

Levi slowed down only slightly, and you saw his head turn towards you in your peripheral view. You looked straight ahead. "It's not like I'm crazy and controlling and don't want him to have friends, and it isn't that I don't trust him either, it's just.... I have a bad feeling about this one." You looked up at the sky and sighed, and you watched as the steam rose from your mouth and faded into the air. It just disappeared, so easy, so insignificant. 

You heard Levi clear his throat from beside you, and you looked down at him once more. His face was less hardened than before, he looked less... on guard. Softer. "I'm sorry to hear that."

You laughed dryly and rubbed your face with one hand, sliding it into the pocket of your jeans afterwards. "I'm probably just being a drama queen. I'll be fine. What I wanna know is, will I be seeing you tomorrow morning for your tea and decaf? Or will I miss you?"

Levi stayed silent for a few moments before holding out his hand. "Give me your phone."

"W-what?" That was unexpected.

"Your phone. Give it to me."

"This isn't some sort of robbery.... Is it?" You asked, slowly slipping it out of your pocket again. He chuckled dryly and waited tor you to unlock it before taking it from your hand. "I guess we'll see, wont we."

You saw him type for a few seconds before locking and handing it back to you. 

"Thanks."

Then he turned and walked into the building behind him, and you didn't even notice you had been standing in front of one. You unlocked your phone and it opened up to your contacts, and displayed before you was none other than Levi's phone number. You smiled before locking it again and slipping it into your pocket, walking home feeling sort of satisfied. Good choice, Eren. Maybe you're not just good at fucking things up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi i dont have time to edit mistakes rn bUt haVE ANY OF Y'ALL SEEN THE NEW YOI EPISODE BECAUSe iM FUCKAKSGWJDKSKDUWJEK


	9. heart out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are sickened with the ease he holds, the gall it takes to not respond. You hate it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im doing a double upload today, because its my friends birthday!! (happy birthday karter, ur gay and ily ♡) 
> 
> the other half of this will be uploaded later as it isn't finished, but it will be today mark my words!!
> 
> also to my american ereris from us canadian ereris, happy thanksgiving!!
> 
>  
> 
> heart out - the 1975

"Oh, Levi! You're early today!" You said as he sat himself at one of the stools near the cash register. It had been a week since, well... Yeah. And although this is quite the opposite of expected, him sitting at the front of the cafe instead of isolating himself in the corner is a welcome change. Though, he's still a tough nut to crack. He clicked his tongue at you and passed his money over the counter, and you set off to make his drink. "Can I pay for you this time?"

"Not ever, kid." He replied, absently looking out the window. He seemed a little paranoid. You pouted, your eyes still glued to him for a few seconds before looking away again. He was wearing a worn leather jacket today, opposed to his usual loose-formal attire, and it looked good on him. "You should join a modelling agency or something," you said, and his attention was on you as you set to making his tea. "Hoh? And why's that?"

"I think you'd be good at it. You just seem like someone I'd see on the cover of a magazine, or something. Or maybe in one of those cologne commercials. The Calvin Klein ones."

"Don't you have a boyfriend?" He asked, and you smiled as you slid further away from him to add the secret ingredients to his tea. "I can find someone attractive without being romantically attracted to them."

He went silent, and you looked over at him. He had a hand covering his mouth, and he looked like he was thinking it over. "I never thought of that before," He admitted, and you almost shined with pride as you handed him his tea. "That's surprisingly reasonable, coming from someone like you," He mumbled, and your eyes snapped up to meet his in a glare.

He looked back at you with something more firm and assertive in his eyes, and you wondered how he managed something like that. You'd ask him, someday.

"So? Did you ever end up talking it out with decaf?" You didn't know their name, but you knew their order. Levi stayed silent, directing his gaze to below the counter. "No, huh?" He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, but strangely enough it fell right back into place; as if he were incapable of being even a little bit messy. You wondered what his house looked like.

"They've taken different shifts at work. They start when I clock out, and I never catch them in the lobby anymore. They're ignoring me. Avoiding me."

"Surprise them, then. Work overtime, or something."

He gave you a look that suggested you were fucking insane to imply he stay at work longer than necessary, but you smiled and waved it off. "No, look. You'll fix the relationship, AND get extra money for working extra time. You get your friend and a bit more pocket change, easy!" 

Levi rolled his eyes at your optimism, and you pouted. "Tell you what. Where do you work?"

"What?" He raised a perfectly groomed eyebrow, and you repeated yourself. "Where do you work? I'll bring them their coffee, and a sweet little note, I'm sure that'd be completely unexpected." Levi continued to look at you like you were an idiot, and you felt mildly offended but ignored it in place of convincing him to let you do this for him. "One, that's fucking crazy. Two, they wouldn't believe it was me, because I would never in a million years even _consider_ doing something as corny as that, and-"

"Would you rather lose them because you're being stubborn, then?"

He shut up immediately, pursing his lips and looking away from you angrily. "Damn it," he mumbled angrily, as if he were cursing himself; "I can do it my damn self." He said louder, and you beamed at him. "Levi, I'm so proud of you."

"Whatever. I'll be back later."

He got up and tapped the counter twice as a goodbye, and you tapped back as he walked towards the door. "Looking forward to it," You replied softly, and then he was out.

"Eren," Armin called suddenly from the back, sounding somewhat in excited distress. "Eren, I need you, come here!"

"Sash, can you take it?" You asked, and she nodded through a mouthful of lemon cake from the front display. "Mmf!" You chuckled a little and hurried to the back to see what was up, and there Armin was holding onto his cell phone for dear life. "It's Mikasa!" Your eyes widened considerably as a smile spread across your face. "No way! Really? It's been forever since she called! Let me speak to her!"

"Well duh, that's why I called you back! She requested to speak to y-"

The phone was out of his hands in seconds, and you were pressing it close to your face with a giddiness that only comes from hearing from your sister after 6-or-so months without any sort of communication. "Kasa!! Why haven't you called sooner? We've been worried sick!" You heard her laugh on the other end and the sound warmed your heart as you listened intently. _"Long distance charges can really rack up over here. I'm sorry for not calling sooner."_ You smiled at Armin who was beaming right back at you, leaning on the break room table with an expression that crossed between relieved and elated. _"So, are you dating anyone yet?"_ She asked, blunt as always, and you tensed up. Armin snickered at your expression, and you sharpened your gaze at him as Mikasa waited for an answer on the other line.

"Ah, actually..." You began, and you could almost feel her lean into the receiver. _"Spit it out, Eren."_

"Jean. I'm dating Je-" She cut you off swiftly, scoffing at you. She clicked her teeth, and you were reminded of Levi for a brief second. _"Kirschtein? Like, asshole that works at your book store and is always making gross passes at you, Jean Kirschtein?"_

"Well, I sorta quit Shiganshina.. I work with Ar now, in Legion. It's been a few months.."

You squeezed your eyes shut and pulled the phone away from your ear, covering it as she yelled into the receiver, static-y and certainly out of the loop. _"You've been dating sea biscuit and working at the cafe you despise for_ **a few months** _and didn't think to tell me ANYTHING!?"_ Armin giggled again and you were so close to tossing the phone back to him to wipe the smug look on his face that you felt he wouldn't be laughing for too long. "Sorry, 'Kasa, you know I love you, it's just been busy. A lot has been going on."

She went silent on the other line and Armin leaned in to listen with you, practically pressing his face against your hand which was holding the phone. _"Eren, are you alright? Is Jean treating you okay? I swear, if he hurts you-"_

"I know, I know, your foot will catch a first class flight right to his ass."

 _"That's right,"_ she said. You heard the smile in her voice. Armin peeled his cheek away from your hand and gave you a hard look, and you shrugged. "Me and Jean are fine," Armin's look steeled further, "Everything is going great. I've just been busy with school." You returned Armin's look with equal ferocity and he rolled his eyes, crossing his arms and pursing his lips. "Tell her," he mouthed, and you pointedly ignored it. _"That's good. I'm really happy to hear that. Well, I suppose both of you are on shift right now? I have some good news, but I'll call you later to tell you, is that alright?"_ You smiled wide, and Armin raised an eyebrow as he reached for the phone. You put your hand on his forehead and held him away, keeping him at arms length as you snickered back at him. Payback, coconut head! "Yeah, that sounds great! We'll all talk later." Armin reached for the phone, but his arms weren't long enough as he fell just short. You stuck your tongue out at him. He let go a squeak of frustration as you giggled, and Mikasa clicked her tongue at the both of you, as if she knew. She always knew. _"You two are such brats. I'll talk to you later."_

"Bye, Kasa! Love you!" And with a big smirk on your face, you ended the phone call and gave Armin the smuggest look you could muster. He stopped struggling against your hand and stood up straight, crossing his arms with a pout. "Why didn't you tell her about what's going on with Jean?" You stiffened at that, your eyebrows furrowing together. "Because there is nothing going on besides us dating, Armin." You replied, your voice heavily implying that he should drop the subject. Armin sighed and fixed you with one of his famous 'you-know-exactly-what-i-mean' looks, a look that you were sure he saved just for you. "Look, Ar, it isn't like he's sneaking around on me or anything, okay? You were right, I just had a little trust problem, but I got over it," A lie, "and everything is fine. He can have friends, and it's okay, _we're_ okay, let it _go_."

Armin held his arms up defensively, a knowing look on his face as he resigned himself from the spat. You sucked in a breath, felt it burn down your throat and into your lungs as you held it there and tightened your jaw. Your fist clenched, your nails digging into your palm as you released it, like breathing fire. Shaking your head, you turned to leave the break area, not looking back at him. "Whatever."

You continued working where you left off, though it was kind of a slow day after that. At 3:00, you hung up your apron and clocked out to go to class, waving goodbye to your coworkers as you held open the door for a customer, exiting afterwards. You shoved your hands in the pockets of your thin sweater, wishing you had at least been smart enough to wear a scarf. November really doesn't play around, and you wondered if there was an alternate universe where you were smart enough to come to terms with the changing weather and wear appropriate clothing.

"....ren! Eren! Hey!"

You stopped and turned around in the direction of the voice calling after you; And sure enough Armin was there, still in his apron as he waved you down. Puffs of steam rose from between his lips as his work shoes slapped against the ground, and you inwardly smiled. He finally caught up to you, his hands on his knees as he caught his breath. "I... Hoo, running really isn't my thing.." He took in a big breath and stood up straight, a small smile on his face. His chest rose and fell with each breath, and you tilted your head to the side. "I'm sorry about earlier. I overstepped a boundary."

You shook your head and let out a puff of air as well, watching it rise and dissipate. "It's no problem. I... I overreacted as well." Armin made a pleased noise as he clasped his hands together with a snap, and you looked down at him to see him smiling brightly up at you. "Have fun in your history class, I'll see you at the apartment later tonight, okay?"

"Mm. See ya," You waved, smiling back as you continued your walk to campus. You heard his feet padding against the sidewalk as he ran back, the sound slowly fading from your hearing, and then it was quiet. There was the buzz of downtown, traffic in the distance, but it was peaceful. Calm. You pulled out your phone to see if you had any notifications, and sighed when you saw nothing from Jean. It wasn't like him to leave you on read, but he's been doing it a lot lately. You sent him another text as you stood at the crosswalk, raising your hand to signal a cross as you looked both ways and started walking.

 **JaegerBOMB** : jean?? hello?? are you dead??

 **Horseface** : oh shit hey sorry i didnt reply earlier  
**Horseface** : i was gonna but my phone fuckin tanked it before i could and i forgot to reply when i charged it lol srry  
**JaegerBOMB** : its fine its whatever. just dont do it again, i was worried.  
**JaegerBOMB** : so? anything new?  
**Horseface** : oh yea man  
**Horseface** : marco got the job! he's so good at what he does man, lol, he might even b better than u (-;  
**JaegerBOMB** : oh? is that so?

You clenched your hand that wasn't holding your phone into a fist as you approached campus.

 **Horseface** : LOL jkjk. u'll always b my #1 baby ♡  
**JaegerBOMB** : damn right, ponyboy.  
**Horseface** : hey! below the belt, jaeger!  
**JaegerBOMB** : i'll show you something below the belt  
**JaegerBOMB** : (;  
**JaegerBOMB** : you busy later? i havent seen you alone in forever, i miss you so much!

5 minutes pass, and you prepare yourself to be left on read again, when your phone chimes in your hand.

 **Horseface** : srry, got distracted  
**Horseface** : ya, unfortunately i am busy  
**Horseface** : some friends o mine wanted 2 meet marco so we're all goin to rose and grabbing some drinks later  
**Horseface** : u can come if u want 2??

 **Horseface** : jaeger? u still there?

That's got to be the fifth time he's blown you off, and the first he's ever considered inviting you. You locked your phone and pocketed it, your eyes hardening in anger as your lips pressed together. You held your breath for as long as you could before releasing it into the air, swallowing hard and walking faster down the hallway towards your class. "What a fucking asshole," you grumbled to yourself, pulling open the door with a bitter swing as you sat down in your desk with a flourish. Your bag fell down with a loud clunk beside you, punctuating just how much of a bad mood you were in as you placed your pens and books down, crossing your arms and burying your head in them. Truthfully, you wanted to disappear. This wasn't fair at all.

You couldn't wait to talk to Mikasa again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dw jean isnt cheating on eren but smh hes being a shit boyfriend. someone slap him.


	10. boats and birds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe it was your doing. Maybe he'll let you believe that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok hi second half of the upload hello im sorry its late but even tho its 1:05 am it isnt technically the next day till i fall asleep so \o/
> 
> again, happy birthday karter!!! i love u!!! ur a fuckign loki meme!!!1!1
> 
> boats and birds - gregory and the hawk

"So, Mikasa! I've been dying all day to hear the news, what is it?"

_"Not yet, Eren. Patience. Where's Armin?"_

You smiled, leaning back against the couch as you sat on the floor, Armin's cell pressed to your ear. "You know me so well, Kasa. He's in the kitchen right now getting some drinks."

 _"Put me on speaker,"_ She said, and you placed the phone down on the coffee table in front of you as you straightened out your legs to settle underneath it. "Armin, hurry up, I've had a shit day and I just want to know what she has to say," You hollered, and when you heard the gasp come from the phone you instantly regretted your word choice. Armin just turned to smile at you knowingly, and you didn't know why he was so fucking smug but one day it would bite him in the ass and you would _laugh._

_"What made your day shitty? Are you alright? Did someone hurt you, because I swear to god-"_

"Wow, I cant believe Armin is here Right Now with our drinks so you can tell us your Very Important News!" You said, avoiding the subject. You didn't want to talk about Jean to them. Mikasa would kill him, and you _know_ Armin would give you that disgustingly wise eagle eye you just cant avoid- There is no winning for you in that situation. 

_"Oh! I almost forgot why I called in the first place.."_ You heard her mumble, and you probably weren't supposed to hear that bit. You heard papers shuffling on her end as Armin waited silently and passed you your drink, and you took a sip of it immediately; You were grateful for the little bit of burn that eased its way down your throat and warmed your stomach, sighing with a little content smile. Armin always made the BEST Shirley Temples. _"Okay! Okay, so, you guys know how I had that 10 month contract?"_ You nodded before you realized that she couldn't see you, and Armin giggled as he responded in your stead. "Yeah. Is it about that? Did it get extended again?"

 _"Quite the opposite, actually,"_ She buzzed through the phone, and you leaned in closer as if you could see her talking. You could imagine it well enough- knowing her, she was probably sitting in an official-looking desk surrounded by neatly arranged folders and papers and even a cup to hold her pens; no doubt she has many. _"It's almost up!"_

Both you and Armin smiled widely as you exchanged glances, and Armin let loose a little happy squeal as you took a long, satisfied sip from the glass in your hand. You'd get to see your sister again soon- it felt like it had been so long since the trio was reunited. _"Furthermore, when I do come back I don't have a place to stay, so until then- would it be possible if i crashed with you guys?"_

"Nonsense, Mikasa!" You butted in, setting your glass on the table with a big smile as you leaned closer to the phone. "We have a spare bedroom in the loft anyway, as long as you start pitching with rent sooner or later you can just stay with us!" Armin nodded enthusiastically beside you and leaned in closer as well. "Yeah, what he said! It wouldn't be a problem at all!" He added, and you heard her laugh faintly in the background, soft and sweet; unguarded. _"That sounds wonderful, you two. Thank you so much."_

After a half an hour and a bit more to drink on your end (hey, it was Saturday tomorrow. You can afford a hangover, if it happens.) You decided you wanted to talk to your boyfriend. "Armin? I'll be right back, I'm gonna text Jean the good news," You spoke as you unfolded your legs from under the table and stood up, sliding your phone out of your pocket as you reached for your drink. You walked into the next room as you aimlessly scrolled through your recents, opening Jean's text window and shooting him a text.

 **JaegerBOMB** : yoo, jeannnn!!  
**JaegerBOMB** : gUess what? mikasa is coming back sooooonnn!

 **Levi** : I'm afraid you have the wrong contact, kid.  
**Levi** : Also, your text talk is atrocious.  
**JaegerBOMB** : lllleeevi?? s that you? omg, im soooo sorry, i meant to not text you  
**JaegerBOMB** : also, leabe me alone. m kidna tipsy rn  
**Levi** : I don't think I can even begin to decipher what you said.

You made a face as you quickly changed Levi's name in your phone to something more amusing, smiling to yourself as you shot him another text.

 **JaegerBOMB** : ur so. grumpy all tbe time, yuo know.  
**Captain Short** : And you're a brat. Your point is?

You snickered to yourself as you typed back a quick reply and then went to text Jean excitedly. Your fingers scrambled across the keyboard with a alcohol-induced giddiness, and you smiled like an idiot when he read the message almost instantly.

 **JaegerBOMB** : jean! jean! mikasabis comin gback! mikasa is gonna be back soon!  
**JaegerBOMB** : imm so hapy i coudl cry ;;; come celebrate!

 **JaegerBOMB** : jean?? jeanbo??  
**JaegerBOMB** : i cna see you reading my texts, jeab

 **JaegerBOMB** : this isnt fuckibg funny, asshole  
**JaegerBOMB** : you cant jusy fucing turn off your read receipts, 

 

 **Horseface** : whoa, whoa jaeger, hey chill ok? its ok im here i just got a lil distracted lmao  
**JaegerBOMB** : CHILL? you leave me on read for FOUR HOURS. it is MIDNIGHT.  
**Horseface** : oh shit, is it? man, my bad  
**JaegerBOMB** : you wabt chill, yeah? i'll fuckin show you chill  
**Horseface** : what are u doing now u suicidal bastard?

 **Horseface** : Eren?

Your phone buzzed in your jeans but you didn't answer, angrily pouring yourself another orange juice-and-vodka and wondering what you did to deserve a boyfriend that loved you for a week and then constantly left you on read. You thought he was different, you really did- boy were you wrong. You felt used. Who was he even hanging out with? "Marco probably," you mumbled bitterly as you took a long sip of your newest drink, the feel of it gliding down your throat not as prominent as it was before. The edges of your vision became fuzzy, and you gripped the counter to steady yourself as you swallowed hard, washing down the remainder of alcohol lingering on your tongue. Hah, if Mikasa saw you now, she'd kick your ass into space and drag you back by her scarf just to do it all over again; You know she didn't approve of dealing with shit like this. But who cares? She isn't here.

You wish she was. She always knew what to do. You pulled your phone out of your pocket again, scrolling through the two (only two, from a 'worried boyfriend,' as if,) text messages and unlocking it, scrolling through your contacts yet again. You couldn't see very well, but you _think_ you tapped her number....

The dial tone played distantly in your ear as you pressed the phone to the side of your face, tears welling in your eyes as your lip quivered. A deep voice answered in a tone that suggested sleep and mild anger, but it was too late for you. "What should I doooo... I.. I don't.." You hiccuped sadly, swallowing back a sob. "I don't know what to dooo.."

 _"Oi, calm down. I can't understand you. Is this Eren? Christ, kid."_ You heard a yawn, and you whimpered into the receiver with another sniffle. "He wont reply to my text messages, and he, he-" Another hiccup. "He doesn't ever wanna hang out with me," you sniffled, and there was more shuffling on the other end. _"Do you even know who you called, brat?"_ You shook your head, forgetting that he couldn't see as tears streamed down your face in a steady flow. "And.. and then today he tells me to... to chill, like I hadn't been waiting for his reply for hours, and-"

"Eren. Calm down. Breathe."

You sniffled hard, your nose all stuffed up as you took another sip of your drink to calm yourself down. "I don't even like stupid orange juice n stupid vodka," you pouted into the phone. You heard the recipient sigh. _"Pour it into the sink, Eren."_

"I don't wannaaaa," You whined back as you rolled the end of the glass on the table. You swallowed hard once more, releasing a shuddering breath from your lungs to hold back another sob; you were failing so bad at not crying. "Boys are so-" Hiccup. "Stupid," You pouted again, and the person on the other like reiterated with a more firm tone of voice. _"Pour it down the drain. Drink some water."_  
You sighed in resignation and trudged towards the sink, your feet dragging on the hardwood of your living room before slapping on the tile. _"You drag your feet like you're trying to wake the devil from Hell, kid."_ You scoffed in response as you drained your cup as told, sloppily filling it with water afterward and taking a long sip. It was cold and refreshing, and you inwardly thanked whoever you called in place of Mikasa- Who was it?

"Who is this?" You asked, putting the cup down beside the sink as you placed the phone down and put it on speaker- no, that's mute- NOW it's speaker. _"Figures you didn't know. How drunk are you?"_

"Very," You replied smugly, smirking as you looked at yourself in the reflection of the mirror above your sink. "I look great for someone who was fucking trashed," you thought inwardly-

 _"I'm sure you do look great, but that doesn't answer my question."_ Okay, maybe not so inwardly. "Repeat the question?" You asked, tilting your head as you reached out for your glass of boring old water again. _"What's got you so worked up so late?"_

You looked up and thought on it really hard for a second, but nothing was coming through. Why were you so upset? All you could feel was fuzzy, all you remembered from before was Mikasa coming home... Nothing to be upset about. "Forgot," You replied. The person on the other end sighed for the nth time since the call started. _"You have your water, right? Grab a banana. You don't have to eat more than half, but whatever you can manage. Crackers, too, if you have any."_

"In fact, I have both of these things right-" Another hiccup, "Right here! Its almost like you knew we had them- are you a magician?" You gasped in wonder, but your hopes were crushed almost as soon as they were formed. _"Not a magician, just not a dumbass. Eat up, kid."_ You petulantly gathered some crackers and half a banana as instructed, eating slowly as the furrow in your brow faded away. "Wow, crackers and bananas go really well together actually! How did you know that?"

 _"Years of experience. Anything tastes good when you're smashed,"_ The stranger replied. You giggled a little, shoving the last of the food into your mouth with a hum. "Tfrue vhat," You said through a mouthful, and the person on the other end made a noise of what you assumed to be disgust. _"Oh god, that's fuckin gross. Anyway, now that that's over with, get a bottle of Tylenol and your water and bring it into your bedroom, okay?"_

"Why should I listen to _you_ , huh? what if I don't _want_ to do everything you tell me?"

 _"You'll be in shit tomorrow if you don't, I'll tell you that much."_ the stranger replied skillfully. They knew what they were doing, and they knew really well. You gulped as you grabbed the phone and took it off speaker, pressing it between your shoulder and your ear as you re-filled and grabbed your water to begin your search for pain killers. You found them with only a bit of difficulty, the guy on the other end coaxing you through it with tired encouragements as you reached out for it. "Aha!" you exclaimed, grasping them in your hand with your water in the other. "Now what?" 

_"Take them to your bedroom, set the water and pills beside your bed, and then get_ into _your bed."_ You again did as told, resting yourself under the covers with your phone resting on your pillow with speaker on once more. 

_"Sleep, kid. You need it. We'll talk tomorrow."_

"But.." A yawn. "...What if I don't wanna do that, either?"

_"Obviously you do, kid."_

"Do... do not..." You replied, yet your eyes were closing and man, how did you not realize how tired you were before?

_"Goodnight, brat. I'll see you tomorrow."_

"Mmf..." You mumbled a tired response before wrapping your arms around your pillow, bringing it closer to your face. You heard the phone beep to signal that the call had ended, before you passed out completely.

___________________________

You thanked Armin at work for leaving the pills and water by your bed this morning, but he didn't know what you were talking about. You certainly don't remember putting them there, last night was a blur. You remember getting upset with Jean, and pouring yourself a drink... or two..... or five...... Your head hurts.

You remember calling someone, but you don't know who. You cleared your recents without even thinking about it, but you regret that now. God, that's embarrassing, wait until you find out who it was. _'Hopefully I didn't say anything increasingly stupid,'_ you muse internally as you're sent back behind the counter to continue making drinks. You squinted at the small pounding in your head, a chill running down your spine as you put together the latte's, pouring in the cream in the shape of a leaf and handing it to the two men waiting at the pick-up area, waving them off with a smile as they left. "Eren, black tea and decaf for you-know-who!"

You perked up at that, looking around before your eyes landed on the short figure taking his seat at his usual stool. "No rush, I'm off work for today." You smiled in greeting when you saw him, and set to making his tea with ease. You were about to try and strike up a conversation as you readied the decaf, when Levi's voice interrupted you. "So, fun night?" 

You gave him a questioning look as you fastened the lid on his tea, handing it over to him with a raised eyebrow. You watched his fingers as they went instantly to peel off the lid, setting it off to the side as he grabbed the cup in that weird way of his, his fingers grasping the edge instead of just wrapping your hand around the sleeve like a normal person. Though, you guess, you like him better this way. Its unique. "How's your hangover? I should think it isn't as bad as it could be, considering how much help I gave you last night."

"Wait... Wait wait wait.." You held a hand out to him and your eyebrows furrowed together- Levi smirked. You must look so stupid. "I.. I called you last night, didn't I?"

Levi's smirk broadened and you rubbed your face with your hand, dreading the response. "How bad was I?" You groaned through your fingers, peeking slightly at Levi. "You asked if I was a magician because I guessed that you had bananas and crackers in your flat." You pushed your hair back and sighed, leaning against the counter. "I. I am so sorry, I had no idea what I was doing- I couldn't even remember who I called- I'm so sorry," You apologized, letting your hair fall back into your face as you glanced over at him. He picked up his cup and gestured to the air, mumbling a soft 'cheers' before taking a long sip. "It's fine, really. You weren't that bad at all, actually. I think the worst of it was that you called me at like 2 am, but besides that," He trailed off, and you pushed yourself off the counter again to face him. "Let me pay for your order to make up for it?"

"No." He replied flatly and without hesitation, and you frowned. Why is he so damn stubborn? 

"So, you finally made up with decaf?" You asked curiously, walking over to the coffee machine and pouring the contents into a cup, popping the lid on and sliding it over towards Levi. "Hanji." You raised an eyebrow and tilted your head, giving him a confused look. "What?"

"Decaf's name is Hanji." You tilted your head back and whispered a soft 'oooh!' in realization, smiling a little when you came back up. "I see. Well, tell them I said it was a lovely name."

"You can tell them yourself. They're supposed to be meeting me here.." He checked his phone. "5 minutes ago." He didn't look impressed. You opened your mouth to reply, and suddenly the door sprang open. A figure with crazy brown hair tied up in a messy ponytail and goggle-like glasses on their face came practically crashing into the cafe, and you didn't have time to properly greet them before they pounced in your direction. You looked to Levi to see if he could offer any assistance, but he looked totally normal; as if this happened to him all the time. Was this...?

"Oh! You're decaf!" You piped up, and they must've stopped their rampage long enough to hear your exclamation. "Oh, sorry; Hanji. What a nice name, I'm so glad to meet you!" You held out a hand over the counter, and deca-- Hanji, just stared at it with fascination. Suddenly, they took your hand in theirs, extending all your fingers almost like they were inspecting them. "They're so long," They whispered, and Levi rolled his eyes as he slapped them away from you. "You're gonna make the kid piss himself, four eyes, calm down." You sighed in relief and gave them a more weary smile this time, stepping a bit away from the counter. "Oh! I'm so sorry, excuse my manners; yes, I'm Hanji! I've heard so many wonderful things about you, Eren!"

Levi perked up as you glanced over at him, giving him a knowing look with a little smirk. He flinched. "I talked up the cafe. It's a good place." Hanji shook their head and gave themselves a slap to the cheek, looking completely mistaken. "Oh, of course! That's what I meant. Slip of the tongue- Apologies!"

You shook your head and laughed softly, and Hanji looked completely enamoured with you. They certainly came off strong, but it was... Refreshing, in a sense. You couldn't spend more than an hour with them, but it'd be a nice treat to see them here every once in a while, you decided. They're like a breath of fresh air, or something.

"Hey, Levi? We should get going to work about now, don't'cha think?" Levi only shrugged and stood up, grabbing his tea and assembling his things. He cast a glance in your direction before he was out the door, his hand up in a lazy-wave, and you smiled as Hanji noisily followed him out, shouting a goodbye to everyone in the shop.

"Levi! _HE'S CUTE!_ " You heard them scream through the glass, and you blushed a little as you turned and continued to work.

It was around 1:00 when Jean came in, all smiles and waves and charm. You were angry. 

"Hey, Jaeger! D'ya have a minute to spare? I have some-"

"No." You grabbed a cloth and started angrily scrubbing at the countertops. You could feel the confused look he was giving you; He did that thing he does when he's frustrated. His breath catches in his throat and makes the smallest sound, but you heard it. You always do.

"But.." He was at a loss for words. You've practically already won. "Look, Jean, it's fine if it happens once or twice, but I haven't had a full conversation with you in two weeks- I haven't seen you for longer than three hours. If you cant set aside even ONE day for me, you need to work on your priorities. That's all I'll say to you today, so please leave. The door is behind you, I hope you have a good day."

"Jaeger, wait-" You held out a hand to signal to him that he should quit while he's ahead, and he made his trademark noise of defeat. His head hung low as he nodded and walked out slowly, and you sighed in relief as you heard the door chime behind him. You poured yourself a cup of coffee to edge off your ever-approaching hangover/boyfriend headache and sighed as you rubbed your face again. The last hour of your shift felt like a year; Jean said less than a whole sentence to you, and yet still his presence put such a damper on your good mood. Isn't that the opposite of what boyfriends are supposed to do? You stepped outside into the cold, pulling your coat tighter around you as you shivered and began to walk towards your apartment. You still had an hour and a half before class, maybe you could sneak in a cat nap.

"Jaeger!" Oh, please god.

"Hey, Jaeger! Wait up!" Of all days.

"Jean, I'm not in the mood-" You began, but he cut you off. "Look, I'm sorry I've been so busy lately. I miss you a lot, you know that baby?" His hand reached out to cup your cheek, but you turned your face away in a pout. _'Its a bit fucking late for an apology this half-assed,'_ You think bitterly. Jean lowers his hand, and you glare back at him with pursed lips. "I've been so tied up with training and catching up with old friends, I completely neglected you- and that isn't fair to you at all. I'm real sorry baby- let me make it up to you?" There was a hand hidden behind his back that you didn't notice until he was presenting a rose to you, a ginger look on his face. He looked like he did after your first date. 

You were gonna be sick.

"You can _not_ ignore me for two weeks, completely ditch me for MARCO, some GUY that you BARELY KNOW, and then blame it on your work and bring me one fucking half-wilted rose to try and atone for all the nights I cried because I was alone, while you were out having the time of your fucking life. You cant just waltz in here and get what you want, it isn't gonna work this time. I can see right through you, that's a fake apology. Spare my time and come to me when you're REALLY sorry for what you did to me."

A lot of emotions flashed through Jean's face in that moment. Shock. Fear. Anger. He looked dumbfounded. 

"Ok, listen Jaeger, and listen damn good. I have good and viable excuses, and that was a REAL fucking apology. I waited out here for an hour - with this rose that wasn't half fucking wilted when I bought it - for your sorry ass, because I'm really sorry about what happened. My schedule was full, but I came here to make plans IN PERSON. I came here to mend the rift that was created, and YOU are only making it bigger."

That one hit you, like a bullet right to your chest. You even flinched a little. The space you felt between you... was your fault? Looking back on it, Maybe he's right. You were being overly bitter over Marco and him having a life; of COURSE, he has a job and training and friends to go out with- that isn't his fault. Your face went from confident to regretful, as you shrunk in on yourself. "Maybe.. Maybe it is my fault..." You heard Jean exhale, and suddenly his arms were around you, pulling you to his chest. "It's okay, I forgive you. Just- hey. We can go out tonight or something, okay? Just you and me, what'dya say?" 

You exhaled a shaky breath into his chest, nodding slightly before looking back to him. He smiled at you, and you smiled weakly back, before he handed you the rose and kissed you on the cheek. It was soft; something was missing. "I'll text you later, okay? You think about where we're gonna go, I'll take you anywhere."

"Thanks, Jean. I'm sorry," You mumbled, and he only shook his head. "It's fine. Just don't let it happen again, okay love?"

You nodded, and then he was walking away and you almost reached out for him. He smiled and waved goodbye, and you waved back weakly.

He rescheduled later that night, and you want to say you didn't see it coming; but you did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let it be known it wasnt eren's fault and jean knows full well it wasnt, but he also knows eren will fall for it and goes with it anyway. thats disgusting and i hope none of you ever have to experience that; its the worst.


	11. teddy picker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Of course he knew he would see you here. He knows everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry im like a year late lmao here it is
> 
> teddy picker - arctic monkeys
> 
> (the song is relevant to the chapter in the beginning!)

_"Who'd want to be man of the people when there's people like you?"_

You don't think you've ever resounded more with a song lyric than you are right now, standing in the middle of the cereal aisle with a box of Mini Wheats gripped in one hand and your phone in the other. Standing right before you, walking towards you, is none other than The Fucking Erwin Smith.

Your day didn't start like this. It started out pretty good. You had a half-day scheduled for work, so you went to Legion for tea before AND after. Talking to Eren seems to cool you down quite a bit, but you didn't know why. You normally hate people like him. Something about his eyes was just familiar, but you've never seen any pair like them before. Green like a forest, leaves on a tree under the sun, and a splash of blue like a cloudless sky. It felt comforting to look into them; they reminded you of the ocean. And, unexpectedly, he's smart. You can hold a decent conversation with him (though he's the one who talks, mostly; you're thankful he picks up on your terrible social skills and compensates for you) though most of the time he just asks you stupid questions. Things like, _"Hey, does Mike Wazowski blink or wink?"_ or, _"If talk is cheap, why are phone plans so expensive?"_

He is quite a character.

You figured after work you'd pick up some groceries, because your fridge was running low and your wallet was overflowing with money. Since the breakup, you found yourself spending a lot less and saving a lot more- you had no idea you could have this much money at the same time. It was almost liberating.

You grocery cart was halfway full when you turned the corner and browsed the cereals, debating between a box of Mini Wheats or  
Honeycomb. You squinted at the label of the Mini Wheats and slowly dropped the box of Honeycomb into your cart, when your heard a rather loud step come from the end of the aisle, and a laugh you'd never forget in a million years. You gripped the box of cereal remaining in your hand with fear as your other hand shot into your pocket, scrambling around for your phone with a shaking hand. 

You pulled it out quickly when your fingers locked around it, unlocking it as fast as you could with shaking fingers. You messed up your password at least 3 times, and he was approaching faster. "Levi, is that you?" You felt sick. You just kept looking down at your phone, frantically opening your messages and clicking on any random chat window. 

**Levi** : Please come t othe supermarket on 96th splease im  
**Levi** : Erwib is here and he saw me and he is cominp lease  
**Levi** : Help me

You slipped your phone back into your pocket and you gripped the cereal harder as the phone buzzed in your pocket. You prayed to whatever god would listen that the person you texted would get there fast, and just as you resolved to put the box of cereal back and walk away, a large hand landed on your shoulder. "Levi, I didn't expect to see you here, of all places!" He barked cheerfully, and you swallowed hard in response. "I've been calling you this whole time- I started to think that maybe it wasn't you."

You sighed shakily, removing his hand from your shoulder and continuing to not respond as you took your cart and moved it away, trying your best to just ignore him as you wheeled it out of the cereal aisle and turned into the next one, expecting that he didn't follow you. The way things ended between you, you honestly thought he'd have been done messing with your head; Guys like Erwin Smith got bored easily when they didn't get what they wanted. 

You were so mistaken.

He chased you into the next aisle, calling out your name, and it still sounded as pleasing to you as you remembered. It sickened you just how well you remembered the exact way he said it, the charming lilt in his voice and the demand under it; Listen. You were inclined to do just that, almost like hypnosis. You began to turn towards him when heavy footsteps came pounding past the aisle behind you, and then back again to the front and down the aisle. "Oh, Levi," the person panted, and you turned around to see none other than Eren. "Levi, I thought you hated frozen foods?" He walked over and slipped your hand into his, a goofy grin on his face as his breath caught up to him, slowly. You looked up at him incredulously, at a loss for words. Why was he here? You wanted to ask, but suddenly he was turning towards Erwin and tilting his head in that way he always does, raising his eyebrow in confusion. What is he doing?

"The washroom's over there if you need it, sir." Eren spoke, and you looked down at your intertwined hands carefully. You hoped you weren't blushing, you'd look so stupid. Erwin barked out a laugh., and you bristled. "Well, why would I need the washroom?"

"Your face kinda looks like you haven't shit in a week. Have a great day!" Eren waved with the hand that was locked with yours, and pulled you out of the aisle with your grocery cart.

"Oh, hey, let's go look at the popcorn! It'd be great for our movie date later," He said loudly as he steered you out of the frozen section and walking you towards the tea and coffee aisle. He was still holding your hand. "I'm really sorry it took me so long to get here, I could barely read your text," He laughed softly, pushing the shopping cart with you. "I'm gonna buy you some tea to make up for it, okay? I know this stuff you'd love; I mean, thus far I've only seen you drink black tea, but how do you feel about white tea? There's this amazing blueberry pomegranate stuff I usually get for Armin-"

"Hey!" You heard a booming voice shout behind you, and you froze dead in your tracks. You were SO close, and he just HAD to steal that from you. Eren tugged on your arm a bit as he kept walking, and you looked up at his face. From what you could see, he looked determined. His eyes were on fire- it was so fierce, you had no choice but to keep walking with him.

"Levi, wait!" Erwin called after you, but you steeled yourself as you pushed your cart into the tea aisle. You let go of Eren's hand and took full control of the cart, feeling more confident as you turned away from Erwin's voice completely. Eren kept a hand on the small of your back as he smiled, pointing out the tea as you grabbed it and set it into your cart without hesitation, walking to the other end to look at more stuff. Maybe you'd buy some hot chocolate, you felt lucky. "Levi, I made a big mistake," You heard from beside you, and you only glanced his way a sliver before looking away again. "I made the biggest mistake of my life- You're the best thing that ever happened to me. Please, take me back?"

You heard Eren suck in a breath as he readied a response, and your hands trembled once more as your throat closed. You turned your head towards him and sent him your sharpest glare, making it evident what you intended to do to him if he stepped any closer. "I _was_ the best thing that ever happened to you," you replied with a voice that hardly shook. "But you fucked that up. As punishment, you can watch your best thing become your worst fucking nightmare."

Eren stood closer to you as his hand wrapped around your side, and in this moment you were immensely glad that you texted him- even if by accident. You think if he hadn't been holding on to you like that you'd have been swallowed up by the floor beneath you. Erwin looked like he had lost- finally. The ever-neat, pristine, crisp and beautiful and unbreakable man Erwin Smith looked- well, broken. Vulnerable. In the three years you'd known him, you've never seen him look weak, but there it was. You carved that face into your memory before turning to Eren, who was smiling at you in a way that reminded you of seeing the sun while underwater. Bright. Proud. Luminescent.

"Let's go."

You stiffly walked your cart to the front of the store and paid for your things, wheeling it out to your car and opening the trunk. Erwin might have shouted, but you didn't hear it. Pretended not to. "I'll go start the car," You mumbled as Eren began to load your groceries into the back. "Hey, you okay?" He asked, and you nodded. "I just need a second," you replied as you climbed into the driver side and started up your car, letting it heat up. You rested your head on the steering wheel, your hands gripping the sides as you squeezed your eyes shut and shuddered. Tears started rolling down your cheeks, and you couldn't tell how you felt. You just felt like crying. You sat there for a while, doors locked as you squeezed your eyes shut and let out soft, quivering breaths. Sobs. You felt warm air hit your face and soon surround you, and you wiped your eyes and nose with a tissue you had stored in the glove compartment, just in case. Eren was leaning against the passenger door, facing away from you, and you wondered if he'd ask you about it when he got into the car. You unlocked the door and honked your horn, and he jumped out of his skin as he crawled in tentatively. "Hey," he said awkwardly, a nervous smile on his face. "Shall we? I'll help you bring in your groceries, if you want."

You put the gear into reverse as you pulled out of the parking space, looking behind you and then in front of you as you shifted into drive and began to drive towards your apartment. The car was silent, Eren awkwardly looking out the window at the passing cars. "I didn't even get to finish my shopping," You said suddenly, and Eren's attention was on you immediately. "I got half of what was on my list, and then HE shows up."

You probably looked pissed as hell- You totally were, though. Eren shrugged, and you continued. "He said he didn't know i'd be there. As if! We dated for two years, of course he knew. You know where he lives? The fucking south side."

"Aren't we on the north side..?" Eren asked, sounding genuinely confused. "Exactly," you bit out, trying to keep steady on the road while the guy in front of you abruptly cut you off. You scrunched up your face angrily and honked the horn as your car lurched, and Eren jumped as he quickly reached up for the handle above the door. "I.. I'm sorry, I'm not normally like this." You said quietly, and Eren placed a solid hand on your shoulder. "I'm just tired of him ambushing me. When I went to give him back the last of his stuff, he kissed me. Can you believe that? He cheats on me, then says he's bored with me, and _then_ he kisses me when I'm trying to get over it." Eren scoffed from the passenger side, and you glanced over briefly to see him looking like he couldn't fathom why anyone would go to such lengths to antagonize someone else. "Is he just an asshole on purpose?"

You chuckled dryly as you took a turn, shaking your head. "I honestly didn't think he was, but I guess love is blind."

"Mm..." He said, and you saw him hang his head in your peripheral. "Something troubling you?"

"Love is blind, yeah." he shifted before pulling something out of his pocket (probably his phone) and staring at it listlessly. He let out a sigh and put it back, then looked over to you with a bright smile on his face. It was fake. "So, are we close?"

"About a block away, yeah. Three minutes tops," You replied as you turned another corner. He nodded and sat back in his seat, and sure enough you were soon pulling up to your apartment building. Eren stepped out of the car first, heading straight to the trunk as you popped it open and crawled out as well. He walked past you with bags all up his arms, a proud smile on his face as he kicked the handicap button to let himself inside the building. "I cant get in your house without you, so hurry up!" With that he walked inside and stood in the lobby, and you chuckled as you walked to the back of your car to see only one bag left, out of the 9 you had back there before. "What an idiot," you murmured as you shut the trunk and began to walk towards the building, opening the door and beginning for the stairs as you swiped two bags off of Eren's arms. "H-hey, I was carrying that!"

"If my eggs break, I will kill you."

You began to walk up the stairs, Eren groaning loudly behind you about walking up when "there's a perfectly functional elevator right there!" You only laughed and kept walking, and you could tell he was pouting as he trudged up with you. Finally you arrived in front of your door, Eren panting beside you as you pushed it open and waited for him to get inside. You closed it behind you and he immediately rushed to your table to put the bags down, hunched over it and panting as he looked back at you with a flushed face. "Levi..." he moaned; He looked like he had just finished running a marathon. You simply raised your eyebrows and smirked in response, following after him to put your bags down on the table. "That's your own fault for grabbing so many bags at once. Who were you trying to impress?"

He bit his lip and looked away bashfully, pushing himself off the table and locking his hands together. "Anyway- do you need anything else?" He asked, quickly brushing off the subject. You thought for a minute and shook your head, and Eren nodded firmly as he sat himself at the bar-stool at your island. He placed his cheek in his hand and stared at you, and you were suddenly very nervous. You remembered how warm his hand felt in yours, and you walked briskly to your kitchen to start putting away your groceries. You heard Eren rise from the chair he was seated in to help you wordlessly, and you cursed yourself for being so awkward at a time like this. You schooled your face as his fingers brushed your hand, and the touch lingered almost like he did it on purpose.

His phone buzzed in his pocket, and you paused only for a second to look at him before you looked away to continue to do what you were doing. Eren let out a desperate sound from behind you, and you put whatever was in your hand away to walk towards him. His adams apple bobbed in his throat as he swallowed hard, and he looked almost on the verge of an anxiety attack. 

"Oi, what's going on?"

His hand shook as he turned his phone towards you, and you knew then what was going to come next.

 **Horseface** : meet me in the park on 104th.  
**Horseface** : we need to talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry all the song recs are mostly the 1975 or arctic monkeys um i just rlly like those bands


	12. oats we sow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I didn't want to do this, Eren."
> 
> "If you didn't want to, we wouldn't be here."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im at such a block rn it isnt funny but here it is my fav chapter  
> tbh i started writing this when i started the second chapter not even gonna lie i was so excited for this
> 
> oats we sow - gregory and the hawk

"Eren, I... I'm sorry..."

"No, it's.. it's alright. I get it. He's cuter, and you relate better, I get it."

"No, Eren, that's not-" You cut him off, waving your hand in his face with a sad, shaking sigh. You really, REALLY wish it didn't always end with this. You cant hate him, though. There's always someone better. "I'm not mad. I understand." You swallowed hard as you bit your lip to save from quivering and looked away from him, and then sighed again to compose yourself. 

"As terrible as it sounds, I kinda saw this coming." Looking back to him, you saw him looking down at his shoes and scratching at his wrist as he gripped it. Guilt. You think for a fleeting second that you'll always know how to read him like a book, and you hope Marco takes the same care of him. You hope Marco watches him like you did, and hope he gets to know him more than you do. Maybe even better than you do. You know they deserve that together. You resent them for it, but only for a second, and then its gone.

"I'm sorry," Jean says again, and you smile sadly as you shift your weight to the left and look around casually. Its a cold day in December, and you're surprised it hasn't snowed yet as you shove your hands in the pockets of your down jacket. Frost is everywhere, and you have ever a reason to be bitter. You've always hated the winter. "Don't be. I'm glad you at least broke up with me first," you laugh dryly before facing back to him, the smile not having left your face. 

"I think I'll get going now. Seriously, tell Marco I'm happy for you two, really."

You turned to leave.

"I love you,"

You froze, squeezing your eyes shut to prevent from crying. Of all the things he could have said to make this more difficult, it had to be that. Of ALL things. You'd always hate that stubborn part of him.

"You too, ponyboy."

You put your earbuds in and pulled out your phone, and just walked away. The fickle winter air bites at your nose and ears as you hold your phone in front of you, waiting for the light to turn as your thumb hovers over Levi's contact. You don't know him all that well, yeah, and you were _just_ over at his house, but he has this weird way of comforting you. His voice is calming. Would it be weird if you called him? 

Your breath hitches as you choke on a sob, tears blurring your vision as you close your eyes, and ~~very conveniently and coincidently, almost like a cliché,~~ a tear falls onto the call button. You hear the ringing in your earbuds, but before you have time to panic and end the call Levi picks up, and the sound of his voice only makes you cry more.

"Hello? Eren? Is everything okay?"

Your face scrunches up and you heave a shaky breath, and you can hear it hitting the microphone on your earbuds. "He broke up with me.. For Marco..." You whine, and the line goes silent, save for your ~~mostly~~ silent tears.

Levi went quiet for a few seconds, and you thought for a fleeting moment that he had hung up. You wiped tears from your face, but they continued to roll down your cheeks and streak your skin. You were almost sure they were gonna freeze on your face, or something. Then, Levi spoke up.

"Come back. You can tell me everything when you get here."

"Th-thank you," You sobbed pathetically, and though it wasn't really outward, you could tell that he was worried. "Its not a problem, just get your ass over here. It's cold as shit outside, you must be freezing." You sniffled as your lip quivered, mumbling out a soft 'mhm' as you started walking. "You'll catch your death, and if you sneeze in my tea I'll kill you."

___________________

You found your way to Levi's flat once more, walking towards his door through the unnecessarily long hallway (that was probably just that long because you were in a bad mood) and knocking softly. You heard quick footsteps and the door swung open, and through the tears still welling in your eyes you could just barely make out what he was wearing. He looked concerned, but schooled his face almost instantly. Or did you imagine that?

He reached a hand out to you and pulled you gently inside; and when he closed the door you collapsed in on yourself, wrapping your arms around your torso as your face scrunched up into what you assumed was the ugliest crying face you've ever made. You didn't have room to care. "L-L-Leeviii..." you sniffled, and you heard him make that tongue-click noise he always makes as he pulled your jacket off to hang it up. He walked you towards his couch, awkwardly patting your shoulder with a warm hand as your chest heaved and shook with sobs; your hand was flying to your mouth to cover the sound while the other one frantically wiped away tears. He sat you down and wrapped a blanket around you and everything just poured out from there.

"H-He said that he had been working for years to get me just two months ago.." Levi stood and walked into his kitchen, and you heard him put on a kettle as he made a little sound of acknowledgement to let you know he was still listening. "He said he wouldnt forget me when I left to work at Legion, but... he.. Marco..."

"You deserved better, anyway."

There was a stretch of silence ~~save for your whimpering~~ before Levi put his hand on your shoulder and set some cups down on the coffee table in front of the couch. He brought his free hand to rest on your other shoulder, and you noticed they were warmer than they had been when you came in. You assumed he made you something like hot chocolate. That's so like Levi, you thought. But how would you know? His thumbs rubbed nervous, gentle circles into your shirt fabric and you shifted to half-face him beside you on the couch. "I don't know what to do, Levi. I cant even be mad at him, he was so nice about it, and I get it. Marco's cute, freckles and the american dream, and all I can speak for is stupid seaweed eyes and shaggy hair-"

You were cut off by Levi scoffing at you, and you rubbed the tears out of your eyes as you looked up at him. You must've looked so pathetic. "That's nonsense, kid. You aren't bad looking in the slightest," He said, and your heart warmed a little. You chewed your lip to stop more tears, deciding you were done with crying for the day, as you sniffled and reached towards the table for the cup of- you were right- hot chocolate.

"I remember you told me you didn't like tea," He mumbled as he pulled his hands back from your shoulders. You looked back at him over your cup, holding it gingerly in your hands and blowing to cool it down as you finally took in what he looked like today. He was still in his pyjamas, wearing a long sleeved black cotton shirt that fit him in a way that wasn't too tight or too loose. His plaid fuzzy pants made you smile, because you had never pegged Levi for the kinda guy who would own or wear anything soft. But alas, you were wrapped tightly and comfortably in his fleece throw blanket ~~burrito style~~ and accompanied by softness; it was something that was so Levi, yet so not Levi. He wasn't as rough around the edges as you thought he was.

"Didn't your mother ever tell you it was rude to stare?" He said, and you lit up with recognition. You chuckled softly, your shoulders shaking only slightly with laughter this time. You could feel the weird look he was giving you, and as you looked up to set your cup down you put your warm hands on your cheeks as you smiled, and Levi quirked up an eyebrow. "What the fuck is so funny?"

You shook your head, still laughing a little bit as you squeezed your eyes shut. You felt the tears still clinging to your lashes, and when you opened your eyes Levi was still giving you a weird look; though it had changed considerably. He was looking at you with a kind of sparkle in his eye, that he probably wasn't aware of. His eyes were a beautiful colour. "Thank you, Levi. You really saved me."

He rolled his eyes and let out a humourless laugh, smirking at you as he spoke. "I believe it was you who stopped me from walking into traffic," he mumbled, and you looked down into your cup. "I didn't even know you then," you murmured. _'I barely know you now,'_ As if you'd have the courage to say that. You looked up suddenly, holding eye contact with a determined look on your face. Levi straightened up a bit, almost flinching back at the intensity; you were proud, inwardly. "But I'm really glad I spotted that in time."

Levi stayed silent for a while, and you felt the couch dip as he adjusted himself in his seat. "I think I am too."

You didn't know how he did it. You felt better instantly, as if it hadn't even happened. How had Levi managed to be so effective at diffusing you? Less than 5 months ago he threatened to kill you, and now he's like a stress ball or something. He just helps. He's the kind of guy you can see yourself being best friends with, you mused to yourself as you took another calming sip of your hot chocolate. "This is really good, by the way. Thank you." You felt kinda bad that you weren't as upset about the breakup as you normally would be- as if it wasn't fair to Jean for you to be over it so quick. Though, you guess, in a way it was okay for you to go through the stages so quickly. He had been kinda preparing you for being single in his own way, and you were upset about his subconscious methods but it helped steady you now. Should you thank him, for ignoring you all the time? Or would that be bitchy? You weren't hostile, just insightful. 

"Did you need anything else?" Levi inquired awkwardly, and you realized you had just been sitting there staring at him for a couple minutes. You blinked and shook out of it, letting slip a little embarrassed curl of your lips as you snuggled into his blanket a bit more. "I'm fine; but thank you so much for taking care of me, Levi." You said sincerely, and he just looked away, his face looking slightly annoyed. "Tch. You thank me too much, kid." The tip of his ear was tinted red despite what he was saying, and you chose to ignore it to save his pride as you looked towards the TV.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i fukcING LOVE GREGORY AND THE HAWK LIIISSSTEEENNNNNN


	13. banana pancakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A big mouth and a short amount of time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FEKAMSGAKDM I AM SO SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO UPDATE IAMSLSNBALD IVe been kinda depressed and like super anxiety mode lately bUT ANYWAY A Taste Of Animethon is in like. 3 days and im screaming!! i'll try to have chapter 14 out like asap to make up for my... not updating for seven years...... yeah.... OK ANYWAY ENJOY
> 
> also my tumblr ask box is always open for feedback or requests/ideas for the fic!!  
> https://www.thetrancyboy.tumblr.com
> 
> banana pancakes - jack johnson(?)

You couldn't bring yourself to do anything you normally did.

You got back from Levi's place about two weeks ago; You felt fine. Now? Not so much. 

You felt empty, like you were missing something. A routine, of sorts. Yours had been broken up. You could barely pay attention in your psychology class- Your professor was talking, and you swear it was nothing against her, you just couldn't pay attention today, let alone the past month. She went on about how to tell if someone wasn't feeling alright through their body language, and you found it really ironic that that's what you're covering in class today. She went into depth, and you looked down wistfully at your phone at all the missed text messages. Granted, there weren't that many, but none of them were from Jean- not like he texted you a lot before; it was really nothing new, and yet it still hurt.

"It was like this when you were dating him, too," You grumbled to yourself quietly as your head sunk down to rest on your open books. You couldn't even sleep- You didn't have the motivation to do anything except brush your teeth on a GOOD day. Though, you guess they all just blend together at this point. Why is it only hitting you now? You couldn't even bring yourself to cry about it at this point. 

You heard the door to your lecture room open, but you didn't care enough about the interruption to look up. Ral sounded happy to see whoever it was, and she assigned you all to describe a dream you had in detail while she pulled whoever it was into her office. You heard everyone pull out their books and the sound of pencil scratching on paper with more shuffling of bags, but you just lied there. You were so emotionally drained; Why did you even come in today? You were just reviewing all of the work that's been done the past week, you knew everything already. Yet something made you get up this morning and pushed you out the door- why today in particular?

You decided you wouldn't press on it any longer as you pulled out your binder as well, getting a pen as you titled your work and began writing about the last dream you remember, describing as best as you could manage. She walked back into the classroom around 20 minutes later, and right now you kinda hated her for always looking so happy- you envied that feeling. You missed that feeling. You folded your arms around your torso and held yourself as you leaned back in your chair, and you realized she was alone this time. Did she leave her guest in her office, you wonder?

"I hope everyone is finished writing? I'm terribly sorry about the sudden interruption- He's an old friend of mine." She smiled fondly towards her office door; you heard someone whistle and another aww from the back of the classroom, and she blushed and quickly waved her hand as if she were brushing the statement out of the air. "No, it's- It isn't like that, you guys. Anyway, enough about me! I'd like for you to hand in all your dream papers, please!"

You passed them down from the back to the front in rows, and she smiled as she ran down the first aisle to collect the piles of paper. There seemed to be more people in your class than you had initially thought- you wondered for a brief moment if anyone had noticed your mood and then quickly shook it out of your head. You knew better than to let your emotions break through your exterior in an advanced psych class. You took a few deep breaths and straightened your posture, and Professor Ral continued on with the lesson that had been interrupted. 

The lecture came to an end a long and slow hour after that, and you breathed a sigh of relief as you stood up and started shoving your things into your bag. You didn't even care that it would be messy- you just really wanted to go home and sleep again. "Um, Eren? I hope it isn't too much trouble if I ask you to stay after class..?" You froze in your spot, messenger bag halfway thrown over your shoulder as you held your breath. You really wish you didn't listen to your instinct and just stayed home. Today was not your day, for sure.

"Yeah.. No, it's fine, Ral. What's up?" You spoke sluggishly as you walked down the stairs and through the aisle to get to her. She smiled kindly and wagged her finger at you, beckoning you into her office as she disappeared behind the door. You followed through the door shortly after her, peeking your head around the corner to find her at her desk settling papers. Surprisingly, it was kinda neat in there- considering how much of a disorganized person she always seemed to be, you suppose you shouldn't have assumed so quickly. Had you really learned anything from this class?

"Ah, yes! Okay, so I had a friend read over everyones dream essays while I was teaching- he said that of all of them yours he thought was the most... Worrying. This is your writing signature, isn't it?"

She pointed to the top of the paper where sure enough you had signed off with 'Jaeger' and a little drawing of a bomb beside it. You snickered to yourself a little bit- that joke will never _not_ entertain you. The irony of it is that you don't even like Jaegerbombs. You find they're not really sweet, more like fire. Not your thing. She sighed, and from how she sounded it was kind of bitter. She was concerned about you- You didn't know how to feel about her acting like your mother.

"So, in this dream your friend-"

"He isn't my friend."

She gave you a look you couldn't decipher before looking back down at your page and correcting herself. "This person, Marco..." She trailed off, and you watched her eyes go back and forth as she scanned the page. You put your hands in your pocket as you waited for her to continue. "You said you dreamt of him being slashed by some sort of giant?"

"Man eating giant, yes." You corrected again. 

She pursed her lips and gave you that look again, and you hated when you couldn't see how people felt. You took a psych class for this exact reason, and yet somehow she still evades you- That's a teacher for you. You suppose she'll always be better at that than you. "You wrote this in great detail. I'm impressed with the description, though it is a bit morbid.. Is something troubling you at all?"

You shook your head firmly, giving her a hard look that implied she shouldn't ask further. She shot you another unimpressed look, and as she opened her mouth to speak she was interrupted. 

"Eren Jaeger, huh?"

Levi walked in through the door behind Petra carrying a steaming cup of something, and when she heard his voice she turned quickly and smiled at him so brightly you felt like you needed to cover your eyes. What an honest woman, you thought to yourself. All her emotions shined through on her face and through her body language, how nice it must be to feel that joyful. She took the cup from his hand and inhaled, the corners of her mouth turning up as she let out a small hum. "Thanks, Levi. This is my student, Er-"

"We've met," Levi interrupted, and your attention was brought to him once more. The dark circles under his eyes looked deeper than you remembered, and you realized you hadn't properly seen him in forever. He'd been texting you, you knew that much. Why had you ignored him? He wasn't someone you _wanted_ to avoid, per se; you had been generally dodgy to just about everyone. But you think now that you were looking into his eyes, questioning and saddened, that he might not have seen it that way.

"The report you wrote was kind of..."

"Really cool..?" You finished hopefully, a nervous look on your face. Levi shot you down almost instantly. "Terrifying. Victimizing. Gruesome. Vengeful. Marco, you said? That name sounds rather familiar-"

"I don't know what you're talking about," you cut him off stubbornly. "I've never met a Marco in my life."

"Eren," Levi warned, and you backed down only slightly. "It will help you none to lie to your professor," he spoke, and Petra nodded in agreement. "You know, Eren," she said as she reached over and placed her hand on yours. "You can talk to me about anything. It helps a lot to share," She finished, and you sighed as you took your hand out from under hers and stood up, grabbing your bag. "Miss Ral, Levi, I am fine. I appreciate your concern, but I believe that it is best you stay out of my business," you bit out, turning your back as you slung your bag onto your shoulder. "Oi, brat, that is no way to talk to a superior," He shouted after you, but you didn't listen. You walked out of the room in a hurry and brusquely walked to the door. You heard faintly behind you Levi apologizing to your professor on your behalf, and you rolled your eyes as you left the lecture room and entered the hall. As if you needed him to clean up your mess. 

You slowed down once you had gained enough distance, pulling your phone out of your pocket and unrolling your earbuds from around the device. You pressed play on your music and lifted an earbud to your ear when suddenly you felt a hard hand on your shoulder, stopping you in your tracks. Your head turned slightly to see who it was, and there he was, none other than Levi himself. He was panting, and you figured he had ran to catch up to you from your classroom; You admired his dedication, but it wasn't needed. You shrugged his hand off as you approached the doors to the building and pushed them open, stepping outside into the frigid December air. 

"Oi, Eren! Where the fuck do you think you are going, you little shit? Answer me!"

You stopped walking and spun around swiftly, an irritated look in your eye as you approached him with an angered finger pointed in his direction. You stopped in front of him, jabbing him in the chest as you leaned over him. Your mind almost blacked out as you began to speak, mindless words flowing from your mouth as you flung borderline insults at him. "You can pretend you know whats happening to me all you god damn want to, but you don't know me at _all_. You don't know what bothers me, you don't know what makes me itch, you know _nothing_! You have _no idea_ what I'm going through! So do yourself a favour and stop pretending you fucking do!"

He was clearly surprised by your outburst, judging by the shocked look on his face. He looked… betrayed, almost. Like you had just turned around and stabbed him with a knife. ~~Though honestly, after what you just said to him, you think stabbing him would have been less harsh.~~

He took a step back, his mouth hanging open slightly as he raised his eyebrows. Hurt. "I don't know what you're going through?" He said quietly, like he was accusing you, making direct eye contact with you. You realized the weight of what you said to him a few choice words too late, and the regret on your face seemed to make him increasingly upset as his brow furrowed even more. "Wait, Levi, I didn't mean-"

"What the fuck _did_ you mean, then? I don't fucking know what you're going through, you say that to me as if I've never experienced a sad teenage heartbreak. You're like a fucking child, you know that?" He scoffed at you, still holding your gaze- no, challenging it, as he stepped closer to you. You felt silly- you were taller than him by a few inches, and yet it was him towering over you now. His attitude, his mood, his aura. It was powerful, and it was angry. You felt _bad_.

"I let you into my god damn house despite you being almost a complete stranger, because I thought I knew you. Because I thought I could believe in you, and I see now that was a fucking mistake. You are the exact same as every other college fuckass that makes shitty tea in a sub-par coffee shop. You don't fucking tell me I don't know what you're going through, I know WORSE. I-" He broke off his sentence to take a shuddering breath and a hard swallow, and you thought for a moment he was going to cry. You felt it too, that sting in your nose right before the tears well up in your eyes. You pursed your lips and took in a deep breath, opening your mouth to speak. "Levi, I'm sorry-"

His voice cracked. "I fucking trusted you, Eren."

He held his head down and reached in his pocket, pulling out an envelope and throwing it on the ground as he walked away. You quickly reached out a hand to stop him, wrapping it around the bend of his elbow, but he ripped it out of your grasp and walked away. He kept his head down as he disappeared around the corner, and your eyes were drawn to the paper sticking out of the snow. You picked it up carefully and opened it, your throat tightening as you opened it. 

_"Merry Christmas, brat. I'm always here if you need me."_

Tears spilled down your cheeks as you held your breath, trying your best not to start sobbing outside your school building. 

How were you going to fix this?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it starts now y'all!!!!!!!!


	14. bit by bit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot of things are happening, and it drives both of you a bit mad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MDMXMGMDMVMDMV HELLO IM SORRY I SAID I'D UPDATE LIKE THE NEXT DAY BUT I JUST ,, goT really distracted anyway hello!!! here it is!! this fic might actually be longer than i wanted it to be, i had to split this chapter in half bcs it was getting so long!
> 
> um there's an alternate song tht goes w this chapter and its... korean...... dont kill me its my fav boy band **Seventeen** !! i just listened to the song **NO F.U.N** and the lyrics fit perfectly for the end of this, idk. um anyway!! there's a bit of a POV switch at the end, and that's gonna lead into Levi's POV for the next chapter as well. i hope you enjoy! 
> 
> warning; angst in this chapter, smh  
> bit by bit - mother mother

You were at work the next day, and lets face it- 

You probably looked like shit.

You hadn't slept at all last night, due to the nightmares you'd been having on and off. They were all in the same universe- namely, the one where you slashed half of Marco's face clean off. It was Levi this time, though. He was soaring through the air on what looked like strings, and it occurred to you that even in a world as devastating as the one you had created, he was still beautiful and calm. But then he turns to you, and it all goes sour. You're high off of the ground as he takes you down, slicing at the back of your neck with his razor-sharp blades as you fall; you shoot awake as your face crashes into the buildings. It was the same thing every time, in different settings. You cant run because you're surrounded by walls, and he's too fast. Almost as if he had wings, he soars through the sky and each time effortlessly takes you down; yet his face lacks malice. He looks sad - tortured, almost. 

You groan and run a shaking hand through your hair, and you go to pour yourself a second coffee when the bell at the door chimes. You straighten immediately, greeting whoever was entering with a tired smile. They guffawed at you, and you opened your eyes to see none other than Decaf themselves standing right in front of you. Like, right in front of you. You could feel them breathing out on your cheeks, and you pulled away in shock once you came-to.

"Deca-"

"Ah ah," they stopped you, holding a hand up. "What's my name?"

"Hanji," you corrected, sighing with a gentle, more sincere smile. It fell when you realized they were here instead of Levi. "Where's-"

"He went straight in to work today. He said he wasn't feeling well, and asked me to do the coffee run instead. Er, well, tea for him- but you knew that." They winked. Your heart dropped in your stomach as you looked down, and you knew it was showing on your face when they raised their eyebrows and moved their face into your line of vision again. "Did something happen?"

"Well..."

_______________

You gripped your fourth coffee, iced this time, in your hands a little tighter as you finished explaining, and Hanji let out a low "oooooh..." as you looked down into your lap and focused on the sound the cup made in your hands as you made impressions in the sides, only for it to crack back into place. You sighed and Hanji finished reacting long enough to press their hands to their mouth. "Jeez, he sounded so upset- Normally he'd be like, on fire or something. Are you okay? Did he punch you in the face?" They reached across the table and put their hand over yours. You pulled your hands back off the cup and folded them in your lap, and they pursed their lips as they waited for your reply. "I wish he would have punched me in the face. That would have sucked a whole lot less."

"He's unexpectedly fragile, you know."

You looked up to see them looking out the window, smiling at passerby. "He has a glass heart. Its covered by thin ice- easy to melt. He doesn't let a lot of people in, especially after Erwin, but I think he was really warming up to you." They turned to look at you, and the look in their eyes was so bare and honest you almost squinted. "I don't know how you're going to fix this, but don't let it stop there. All damage is repairable, even if it takes a bit longer. I trust you, Eren."

Hanji took their tray of drinks and stood up. They placed a card on the table with a number scribbled on it, nodding to you as they walked out of the cafe. You put your face in your hands and rubbed your eyes with your palms as your fingers tangled into your hair. You really fucked up - And who were you kidding, Levi knew so much about you already it was ridiculous. Shouldn't you have clued in sooner? He was opening up to you! God, you were an asshole.

You looked up and around the cafe, staring at the paintings and wondering if you could draw inspiration from anything you saw. Your mind came up blank, and just as you were about to give up looking around here your eyes landed on a stage. It was covered in boxes of un-stocked coffee, amongst other things. Your gaze was drawn to an abandoned mic stand, and an idea popped into your head as you rose from your seat. You slapped your hand on the number Hanji left you and speed-walked to the break room to grab your phone, typing out a quick message and setting a contact.

 **JaegerBOMB** : hanji!! hanji hanji!!  
**JaegerBOMB** : hanjiiiii!!!!  
**JaegerBOMB** : god i hope this is your number

 **Goggles** : oh yea !! eren i assume this is u??  
**JaegerBOMB** : yeah! thank god  
**JaegerBOMB** : anyway look  
**JaegerBOMB** : does levi like live shows? do you know if he does?  
**Goggles** : erwin took levi 2 a concert on their third date i think, mayb??  
**Goggles** : i hope u dont intend on takin him 2 a concert that might bring up bad memories  
**Goggles** : not smart  
**JaegerBOMB** : no no no  
**JaegerBOMB** : im convincing my boss to let us do an open mic night  
**JaegerBOMB** : i... want to sing to him?  
**JaegerBOMB** : would he like that  
**Goggles** : .........  
**Goggles** : eren.........  
**Goggles** : ur a genius.........  
**Goggles** : i'd love 2 experiment on ur brain or smfn to see how it works!! 

**JaegerBOMB** : ....hanji......

 **Goggles** : that was. probly weird m srry

 **JaegerBOMB** : can you maybe convince him to come in friday?  
**Goggles** : eren this is ur job u gotta do it urself  
**Goggles** : srry  
**Goggles** : i dont make th rules buddy //:  
**JaegerBOMB** : //: alright, i'll do my best!  
**Goggles** : dont hurt him!! hes my precious little baby and if u break his heart i'll take urs and make it into comfort soup to feed 2 him!  
**Goggles** : .....dont tell him i called him my baby.....

_______________

You spent the rest of the week working extra hard, putting in extra hours so Pixis would allow you to do an open mic night the following week. You mopped floors, you re-stocked everything, you even cleaned the washrooms! ~~No mans land, they said.~~

Finally, Friday arrived, and when you approached him with the idea, he smiled that kind smile of his and picked up the coffee you brought him, taking a sip and letting out a pleased sigh. "Where'd you get baileys from in this place?"

"I brought a small bit from home," You said, and he raised his thin eyebrows at you with a smirk. "I'd fire you if I weren't so pleased with how this tastes," He joked, and you laughed nervously as you twisted your hands in your lap. "So, you want the stage for Friday?"

"An open mic night, yes."

He leaned back in his chair, his coffee still gripped in his hands as he took another, long, sip. "That stage hasn't been used since I opened the place. Would you clean it? Can you tech it?"

"Sir, I'd do anything just for this one night. That's all I need."

He sighed and rubbed his forehead, and then he looked up at you seriously. "It's your responsibility, then. She's all yours."

"Th-thank you sir!" You couldn't believe your ears. "I'll keep up the good work, sir!"

"Good luck, Eren."

You stood up and bowed at him, a bright smile on your face as you immediately set to work gathering your coworkers to ask for help.

At the end of the day, you had Sasha and Connie on tech, Armin and the new girl Ymir on advertising and networking, (though for her it took a lot of bribing - she was stubborn, thats for damn sure,) And once everything was finalized, your job was to work on the scheduled acts for the night.

The next week was stressful. You had so many people show interest in participating, you didnt know who you could approve and decline. Pixis said that the set had to be an hour at maximum, but there was three hours worth of applicants! 

You split the hour you were given into four quarters. First quarter, slam poetry. Second quarter, comedy acts. Third and fourth quarter were musical acts, and those would start at around 6:30, and finish off at 7:00. You ran the set by Pixis and the others at the next staff call, and they all approved it with big smiles and thumbs up. "You did really well at organizing this, Eren," Armin commented as you went to the back of the staff room to collect your things and go home. Your breath came out in white puffs as they drifted up to the night sky, and you couldn't help but follow their movement. You could see the stars over the streetlights, and you were thankful for the small break. It was really happening. "I'm kinda excited about this actually," you said, shaking out your hands at your side. "I dunno. Like, I'm kinda scared because I'm gonna be singing in front of a crowd-"

"In front of Levi," Armin piped in. He didn't even look at you, but you glanced to the side and - sure enough - he was wearing that annoyingly smug grin of his. You swear, people thought he was such an angel, but they don't call him a strategist for nothing; He's cunning. And a totally sarcastically-observant asshole. "As I was _saying_ , Ar, I haven't performed in front of a crowd since I was in like, the sixth grade."

"Choir was a mistake," He said almost thoughtfully as you both took a right into the parking lot. You took Armin's car to work this time, and you looked for his car as he pressed the button on his little remote to unlock it. "I still remember your, uh, shaved sides?" You laughed at him mockingly as you watched him hesitate sliding into the drivers side of the car. "Fauxhawks were really in then! And be careful what you say, I _will_ drive away with or without you in the car, so choose wisely!" You chuckled as you crawled into your seat as well, sitting down comfortably and adjusting your bag in your lap as you smirked over to him. "It couldn't have been better than my bangs-"

"Oh God, yeah! The ones you cut yourself right before the monthly-award ceremony! Those were so funny," He giggled as he stuck his key in the ignition and started the car, rubbing the sides of his arms to warm himself up while the car started. "If ma would have just taken me to get it cut like I asked her to, it wouldn't have happened. I was tired of long hair."

"Speaking of, it's been getting pretty long lately, huh? You haven't gotten it cut in a while." Armin pointed out as he blew on his hands and cast you a sidelong glance. You pulled at a strand and stared at it as he put the car in reverse and began to back out of the parking spot. He turned around to check his blind spots as you wondered aloud. "I wonder, should I get it cut for the show?"

"I dunno. Do you think Levi'd like it?" 

You paused for a moment, seriously thinking it over before the thought dissipated in your mind. "Hey! Look, I'm not doing this so i can rescue him from his princess castle or anything, I just want to apologize in a heartfelt way."

"So... you're gonna get up on a stage in front of a probably really busy crowd to perform a love ballad at an event that _you_ organized, just so you can apologize to him?" He said in a matter-of-fact way. You pursed your lips together, really analyzing the situation for the first time. "I don't feel that way about him, Ar. It's just a song that I really like that reminded me of him. Platonically. I... I really messed up, when we spoke the last time. If it means singing him a love song and embarrassing myself in front of a crowd at the event I put together _just_ so I could sing to him nonchalantly in a no-homo totally bro kind of way, then I guess that's a price I'll have to pay. I just.. He's an unexpectedly good friend to me, I guess. I don't wanna lose that."

Armin turned onto the main road and sighed, but when you looked over to him he was smiling. "I get it. I know where you're coming from. Break a leg, Eren."

"I love you, Armin. You know that? You're my best friend. Thank you for helping me with all of this."

"Its a welcome change from you moping around the apartment all day - You've been buzzing around all week. That's the Eren I know."

"I'm sorry.. I didn't notice I was being such a downer...." You hung your head in your lap as he drove when a warm hand landed on your knee, giving it a squeeze. "Don't worry about it. We're all allowed to grieve. The important thing is that you remember we'll always be here to help you move on." He squeezed your knee again before taking his hand back and placing it on the wheel, smiling supportively while keeping his eyes glued to the road.

Your eyes drifted out to the road as the lights flashed by the car, and your thoughts were on Levi again. You fished your phone out of your pocket and pulled up his number, your hands shaking only slightly as you brought up Levi's contact; you hadn't texted him since the last time you were at his house, and you stared at his unread messages with guilt. None since That Event took place, you realized as you opened the chat and typed out your invite with a lump in your throat.

 **JaegerBOMB** : levi  
**JaegerBOMB** : please come to the cafe tomorrow at 7:00  
**JaegerBOMB** : well i mean technically it starts at 6, but i dont know how you feel about comedy and slam poetry  
**JaegerBOMB** : anyway- please come  
**JaegerBOMB** : i know i dont deserve it, but im sorry. please come.

You pocketed your phone and sighed as you looked out the window once more, hoping for the best.

______pov change!!_______

You pulled your phone out of your pocket, pursing your lips as you stared at the conversation for the nth time since you received it. It was today, that's what the text said. And still.... you were scared.

You couldn't focus at work at all. All you were thinking about was Eren. Was that normal? Did he really mean that much to you? When did he sneak into your life like that, digging himself a hole and building himself a house right in your subconscious, like an annoying, beautiful little distraction. Wait, beautiful? Surely, you haven't been sleeping enough lately.

You cant count how many times you wanted to just text him and get it over with, but your stubbornness prevented you from doing anything but typing and deleting. Your heart stung in your chest, and you felt almost dead, but this feeling is one you've grown accustomed to since... Him. 

And still, it bothered you to no end. What was so different this time? Now you had to send Hanji to get your tea (despite telling him it wasn't anything special,) and it was almost ALWAYS cold when they got it back to you. "From your boyfriend~" They'd sing annoyingly. "Not my boyfriend," You replied, a scowl on your face. Your eyes drifted back to the phone in your hand, and you cursed yourself as you gathered your things from your office and threw on your coat, swallowing the lump in your throat as you stopped by your boss' office.

"I'm going home early. Today isn't a good day for me."

"Ah, Levi... Mm, okay, I suppose I'll let you off. Take a week if you need, you've been kinda... Eh, lately. You've never taken a day off since you worked here, you deserve that."

Levi smiled weakly and nodded, sighing as he turned around. "Thanks. I'll see you around."

You took the stairs today, running down the steps as you gripped your bag. You just wanted to go home and shower, but your pace slowed as you thought about the thing tonight at the cafe. Did you really want to just leave it there and be done with it?

Just as you were about to make a decision, a firm chest in your face stopped you from stepping any further. Oh god, don't say it...

"Levi," Erwin's voice spoke, and you felt bile rise up in your throat as you backed up a few steps, stepped around him, and continued walking without saying a word.

"Hey," his hand shot out to wrap around your wrist, but you ripped it out of his grip and kept walking, still not saying anything. Now you definitely needed to shower- if anything, to get the smell of Calvin Klein and black coffee out of your system. How had you failed to notice? And you had done such a good job at avoiding him thus far, too. "Levi, are you heading out to see your boyfriend?"

"He's not my fucking boyfriend," You spat, but when he made a noise of approval from behind you, you realized your mistake. "So, that means I still have a chance?"

"Don't you fucking dare come near me, you skunk. You reek of commitment issues, and I don't want any part of that. Not anymore."

"Levi, don't be so harsh- you know how sensitive I am-" He started, but you cut him off, spinning around to face him with tears sticking to your eyelashes. "Erwin Fucking Smith, if you say one more god damn word or take so much as another half-step towards me, so help me I will throw you down the stairs and charge you for assault after filing for a fucking restraining order."

He looked hurt, but you could see past that. His eyes were smiling. "Come now, don't you remember all those good times? It was a stupid mistake, and I even went out and bought a wedding ring for you. Tiffany, with a big diamond."

You stared at Erwin for a few, hard seconds, a pregnant silence falling over you two. He shot you a look that was similar to someone winning chess in a tournament, 'check mate' written all over his face in bold letters that screamed and rang in your ears. He thinks he won. 

"We dated for exactly two years and 3 months, and you had been cheating on me for approximately 14 months of that time," You started, taking another step up towards him. "I waited ages for you to propose, and yet no bells. Every opportunity you had, you threw out. You forgot my birthdays, our anniversaries, Valentines Day, and any other sort of milestone we might've passed within those two years. Thats even before you were cheating on me. I cooked dinners for you, I bought gifts and made things for you, I took you on a trip to Paris and dropped hints for the whole two weeks that we were there, and in turn you.... What, had sex with me?" You took another step forward, jabbing an accusatory finger into his pristine grey suit which you are sure must have costed a lot of money. Good. You hope your print ruins the finish, you hope it wrinkles permanently where it dented under your impression. "You took advantage of and manipulated me for _months_ , emotionally abused me whenever you saw fit, and now to put the icing on the shit cake, you are fucking telling me after making it _crystal fucking clear_ I wasn't enough for you, you finally got off your ass and got me a ring? 6 god damn months too fucking late?"

"Um... Excuse me? Is there a problem here gentlemen?" An unidentified female voice rang from behind you, on the transition floor. "Ah, actually," Erwin spoke up, but at this point you had given up. "Save it, Smith." You bit at him as you turned away. He made a choked sound of disgust as you turned away from him. "Sorry, Miss. I was just heading out. Please do make sure he doesn't follow me."

"Levi, wait-" 

His last desperate plea fell upon deaf ears as you ran the rest of the way and shot out of the building, heading towards the parkade where your car was parked as you fished your keys out of your pocket. You clicked your teeth as you pressed the button to unlock your car, wiping a few stray tears from your face as you scowled and stepped into the drivers side.

You rested your head against the steering wheel and swallowed back the puke rising in your throat once more, popping a mint in your mouth and letting out a shuddering breath as you pulled out of park and drove towards your apartment. 

God knows you needed to see Eren tonight, after what just happened- you really couldn't stay away any longer. His comforting gaze might still your buzzing nerves.

Something tightened under your ribcage at the prospect of seeing him, and you ignored the growing feeling of comfort seeping into your bones at the thought of his bright ocean eyes and soft brown hair. This is how everyone feels about friends, you told yourself as you pulled out into the road.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i want to make it clear that at this point in the story Eren has no romantic feelings for Levi, and Levi does but hes having a lot of trouble coming to terms with it because hes stubborn. ah, i love levi with all my heart~ ♡ 
> 
> sorry for everyone who i roped into this place from shamchat- when a kid gets desperate, you know how it is! but thank you for checking it out if you did!! ♡♡ 
> 
> as always my tumblr is www.thetrancyboy.tumblr.com and my ask box is always open for requests or feedback!!


	15. freckles and constellations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He looks to you the way the night air feels on your skin after a hot day. Nice, refreshing - and something you consider a necessity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MFMSMCMDMCFD HERE IT IS HERE IT FUCKING IS IM SCREAMING I FINALLY WROTE IT IDMSMM im already writing the 16th chapter its gonna be so wild y'all anyway —
> 
> hey!! sorry it took me so fuckin long to write this i kept kicking My Own Ass because all i was doing was going on shamchat and promotong myself or looking at my snapchats,, what a fuckin degenerate lmao.... ANYWHO! WITHOUT FURTHER ADO!
> 
> the song for this one is freckles and constellations by dodie clark (doddleoddle on youtube) and shes. honestly one of my faves. you'll need to listen to that song for this chapter. sorry. 
> 
> my snapchat is xjustwhateverx btw, feel free to snap me photos of good dogs and cats and SNAKES or your fave songs or start a streak w me and watch me say weird shit on my stories or post selfies sometimes idk ANYWAY IM GONNA STOP TALKING NOW PLS READ AND ENJOY HERE U GO !!!!!!

You threw your keys into the bowl when you entered your apartment, tears still stuck to your lashes as you began angrily taking your clothes off and throwing them on the floor on your way to the washroom. You set foot in the door in nothing but your boxers as your slacks gathered at your feet for a total of .02 seconds before you had to backtrack and pick up all your clothes, cursing yourself for being stupid enough to throw them around in some sort of childish fit. What were you, 9? 

You tossed your clothes into the hamper with only a slight bit of malice (wrinkle alert,) as you cranked the shower head all the way to the furthest end; that is, before deciding tonight was not a "boil my skin right off of my body, Satan," kind of night. You slipped your boxers off as well and dropped those in the laundry basket, and then nothing was standing between you and your one true love -

Being Clean.

You stepped into the shower with a satisfied groan, soaking your hair and just standing under the spray for a few minutes before actually getting to it. You reached for the shampoo so you could wash the day's stress and sadness off of your scalp and out of your life. You lathered and rinsed and lathered again, making sure to be extra thorough so that you didn't look like a greaser for Eren's thing tonight that you definitely weren't going to - but who the fuck were you kidding? If anything, you'd like to see him apologize in person, wanted to see how he'd do it. What his face'd look like when you faked like you were going to reject his apology... When had you planned to accept it in the first place?

You shook all thoughts of Eren out of your head, deciding that you wouldn't think of it any more with your dick out. You grabbed your body wash and a cloth, lathering up as well as you made extra sure to get every single inch of skin at _least_ twice. You scrubbed off the anger and the black coffee and shitty cologne of today's experience, watching the suds sink down the drain with a smirk. "Eat shit, Smith," You said aloud as you rinsed yourself off, taking in a deep breath to calm yourself down for real. You had to refrain from patting yourself on the back at how well you had handled the situation, considering if that had happened a few months ago you'd have just broken down crying. "And what kind of asshole drops "the ring" at a moment like that? Fucking pathetic," You said aloud, filling the silence as your words echoed off the walls. 

You heard your phone buzzing in your pants pocket from the hamper, and decided that you had probably spent more time in there than you should have. The price of being clean, you guess. You ran your hands along your body to check for extra suds and rinse off the excess before stepping out and wrapping a towel around your body, reaching back in the hamper full of dirty clothes with a careful hand to pull your cell out of your pocket. 

**Shitty Glasses** : LEVI!!!!  
**Shitty Glasses** : WHERE ARE U  
**Shitty Glasses** : I KNOW EREN INVITED U TO HIS THING!!!! HE PLANNED THIS ALL OUT FOR U!!!!  
**Shitty Glasses** : IF U DONT SHOW UP I'LL KILL U AND DISSECT UR BRAIN SO I CAN RUN TESTS ON HOW STUPID U ARE

You looked at the time on your phone, and sure enough it was 6:30- you were supposed to be there _right now_ at the latest.

_Fuck._

You slammed your phone down on the sink and ran out of your washroom, towel barely grasped in your hand as you made a mad dash to your room. You quickly dried yourself off as you pulled out a random pair of pants and a shirt, grimacing at the fact that you'd be wearing sweats out of the house intentionally before sliding them over your legs and throwing on an old band t-shirt from high school. You rushed with your hair, slicking it back over your head so it would fall into the style you wanted it to later as you threw on your coat and grabbed your keys from the bowl and slammed the door behind you.

You parked your car a few blocks away from the cafe (all the other parking was expensive or taken- the place was fucking packed) and locked it with the remote, hands in your pockets as you ran frantically towards the shop, and it occurred to you that you had never felt this much urgency in your entire life as your lungs struggled to catch up with your legs.

You stopped right outside the cafe to see a group of people wearing flower-crowns bowing and taking their instruments off the stage. With a deep, heaving breath, you pulled the door open and stepped inside, trying to see if that was the last act or if you missed what Eren had wanted so urgently to show you. You really hoped you hadn't missed it, you were almost positive if you threw this away all chances of you two repairing the friendship would be tossed out of the window.

And then you heard his voice, clear from the back of the cafe.

"Alright, Everyone, that was the Garrisons! A round of applause for such a wonderful performance," he said as the place erupted in cheers, but it didn't last long because he started speaking again. "Once again, I am your host, Eren, but right now..." he said, and you saw him look over the audience with a desperate look in his eye before continuing, looking a little less cheerful than before. "Right now, I am also your final act." He said with a downtrodden sigh. You pushed forward in the crowd, trying to get a better look at him as you walked forward and moved people out of the way. His hair was shorter than you remembered, and it occurred to you if you had seen him in the street you wouldn't have recognized him at all. In the end, you could only get about halfway to the stage, and just seeing him this close after all that time had your heart racing in your chest - you tried to convince yourself it was only because of the time spent apart, and you only had like two friends anyway - but anyone with even half a brain (that wasn't in complete denial) could determine the real reason.

He pulled a guitar case from the back of the room, his eyes scanning the crowd once more as he sat down and pulled it into his lap. He smirked around the crowd, making eye contact with a few patrons as he clicked it open-

And pulled out a ukulele.

He set the case down on the floor next to the stool he was seated on, adjusting the mic to be level with his mouth as he held the instrument by the neck and presented it dramatically. A laugh erupted from the crowd while a few people whistled, and you heard faintly from somewhere beside you a girlish voice asking her friends if they thought he was single. Your heart pounded faster in your chest, a spike of possessiveness washing over you despite the fact that he probably hates your guts. But, you're only friends, right?

"This one's for a good friend of mine, wherever you are." He spoke suddenly, trailing off at the end of his sentence. You heard people all over shh-ing each other as he started strumming the ukulele; As he looked up his eyes met yours, and suddenly it was just you two. He flashed you a big, toothy grin as he started singing, and it was like he punched you right in the lungs.

" _Freckles and constellations, and all those cute conversations._  
_The moon is bright, giving us light, I really wanna kiss you and i think I might,_  
_Filling up our imaginations._ "

The sound of his voice filled the cafe quite quickly, the plucking of the ukulele strings a faint accompaniment to the main show; He certainly had a stage presence - you almost weren't allowed to look anywhere else. You hadn't been here for the majority of it, and maybe its a bit biased, but you think Eren won by a long shot. He stared at you the whole time, his eyes trailing over what he could see of you buried in the massive crowd of customers - There were people next to you starting to wonder if he were staring at them, but you wouldn't dare break the connection to look at them. You felt bad for anyone who'd dare walk in front of you at this point- You'd surely kill them.

" _With starry eyes, and galaxy minds, we'll be dancing on the clouds tonight,_  
_I'll be yours to keep, just take a leap, cause this spaceship has a passenger seat!_ "

He winked at you, bouncing in his seat a little as he sang out the chorus, breaking eye contact only to gaze over the crowd and pump everyone up. He looked away from you, and almost instantly air flooded back into your lungs as you felt your face heat up.

" _Whoa-oh-oh I'm starstruck!_  
_Whoa-oh-oh no gravity for us!_ "

Your throat went dry as you tried pushing closer to the stage, your face as poker-straight as you could manage though your hands were trembling with nerves. You just wanted- no, you _needed_ to be closer to him. You hoped you didn't look too desperate; you didn't even know how to explain why you were acting like this after not seeing him for two weeks. You refused to say it was love, though you cant pull the "I barely know him" card anymore. You can read him like a book, inside and out. His honest face, his gorgeous eyes, his toned arms and slim body- Wait... what the fuck?

" _We're intergalactic with thoughts full of static,_  
_Whoa-oh-oh I'm starstruck-! for you!_ "

He sang, and your heart clenched as he looked at you. He smiled a bit gracelessly, a blush tinting his usually-golden cheeks as he averted his gaze to the neck of his ukulele. He reminded you of the spring, bright colours and a warm breeze that swept through the winter of your heart, melting the snow and ice on your proverbial sidewalks. He looked back up again, and you responded first, smirking at him with a little wave as he looked away and continued his act. Something akin to summer and the feeling that you feel when you listen to your favourite song bloomed in your chest, and you thought you ought to call an ambulance. 28 was pretty young for someone to be going into cardiac arrest, but you suppose enough direct exposure to the living breathing sun that is Eren Jaeger and his god damned smile that looks like how drinking water after walking in a desert feels could do that to someone.

He finished off the song and stood from the stool, holding out the instrument as he took a small, humble bow. The place once again exploded with cheers, and it was all you could do to not let your mouth hang open crudely as you gazed up at him in wonder. You heard coins being dropped into a jar as some people filtered out, some employees at the front behind the counter seeing off the customers with big smiles and 'Thank you!'s, but all you could see, no, all you _wanted_ to see, was Eren. Your eyes locked instantly as he was flooded with praises from straying audience members, but you still felt like it was just you two as you pushed towards him and he pushed towards you. "I'm sorry- I'll be right back, I just- I have to take care of something," he said as he parted the crowd like Jesus and the red sea; except probably more gawky long arms and less grace and calculated movement.

"Levi... You came," be breathed when he saw you, yet another smile creeping onto his face. his hands twitched, and you felt like he was holding back from tackling you to the ground in a crushing bear-hug. You've never seen him touch anyone, but you figured he was just that kind of person. You ran a hand through your hair, pushing it back on your head as you felt the dampness lingering from your shower. "Had nothing better to do, I guess." His face fell, and you figured immediately that was the wrong thing to say. He fingered at the hem of his shirt, and somewhere, you heard that same female voice from before ask her friends if they thought you two were dating or something. Your throat tightened up slightly as you felt a heat creeping up your neck, and it had occurred to you that you wouldn't be opposed to other people thinking you two were an item.

Shit.

"That song you sang... It... You weren't bad," You said, not quite grasping social interaction just yet. You'll get there someday, big guy. Eren seemed to register it as a big compliment despite it being so weak, because he brightened up instantly, practically sparkling all over you. "You think so? Was it good? Did you like it?"

"Yeah," you said awkwardly as he flooded you with questions, leaning into your space with his wide caribbean eyes and his full lips parted to reveal perfectly straight teeth and the nervous tip of his pink tongue poking out between them, waiting for your honest approval. Your praise. Your opinion. Your heart thrummed in your chest as your eyes subtly darted between his eyes and his mouth, and you nodded your head. "I enjoyed it a lot- You attracted quite a crowd," You said, keeping yourself as composed as you could manage. You're lucky you've trained your face so well, years of being around Hanji taught you that you cant be expressive, lest they pounce on you like a big smelly dog.

Eren flushed at your response, red creeping up his neck and tinting his ears as he looked away, an impish smile on his face as he tucked the hair behind his ear and scratched the back of his neck. "It was for you," he breathed quietly, but you heard it. 

You heard every word.

"It was beautiful," You said back seriously, your voice monotone but inside all you felt was colour. This was almost exactly what you felt like when you and Erwin first met... Could it really be like that?

He looked into your eyes and it was like both of you were in a trance or something, both of you staring into each other's eyes. Eren still had a little smile on his face, and the corner of your lip tilted up into a smirk, which contrasted to the turmoil going on inside your head. You heard a shrill cry from somewhere and the moment was broken, Eren looking more concerned than anything while you grimaced and swallowed back a scream of your own. "EEERREEEENNNNNNN!!" Hanji came bounding from god-knows-where, and Eren cringed with recognition as they grasped his hands and stared at him with crazed eyes. You almost laughed, but saved yourself before she took notice to your presence. 

"Eren you did so well I am so proud of you!! You really sold the performance- you looked so happy! It's a real shame Levi didnt show up, that dummy-"

You cleared your throat and raised an eyebrow as they turned around, and when their eyes landed on you they broke out in a screech that was almost on an entirely different frequency altogether. "LEE-" You slapped a hand over their mouth before they could create any more commotion, and Eren laughed behind the two of you as he raised his hand slightly to catch your attention. Ha, jokes on Eren, you had been paying attention to him the whole time.

"Um, I think I'll just leave you two alone - I have to put away my ukulele and give my friend back his guitar case, so I'll catch you guys later?" He spoke, his tone hopeful. "Mmf ggmf!" Hanji said through your hand, and you rolled your eyes as he grinned again. "Of course, Eren." Hanji made a satisfied noise and licked your hand with a devilish glint in their eye as Eren walked away, and you, un-phased, rubbed your hand up on their face to spread the spit they slimed on you before pulling some hand sanitizer out of your jacket pocket and squirting a generous amount onto your hands. "Leviiiii," they whined, clapping a firm hand on your shoulder. "You're always so mean to me, even in front of Eren-"

"You called me a dummy, and then licked my hand. That's all on you," You pointed out, still making sure all the sanitizer was rubbed well into your hands, leaving a cool finish as you shook them out to dry them completely. They pouted, and you smirked as you shook yourself out a little bit. You looked towards them, and they beamed at you with an eye-roll that held no malice.

"I walked here. D'ya think you could drive m-"

"I think I'm in love with him, Hanj."

Hanji choked on their spit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Levi's been in love w him since the chapter where Erwin attacked him in a Superstore. Levi's a real sucker for white knights and all that lame shit.
> 
> as always this is unbeta'd so if you see any horrible mistakes- please let me know!! ♡


	16. war

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jealousy never suited you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAHAHAHA HEY SORRY MY UPDATE SCHEDULE IS SO IRREGULAR oh god ive had this chapter in my notes for like two weeks and i kept forgetting to upload it,, christ
> 
> lolol can you believe this fic was supposed to be entirely eren's pov? cause i cant hahahahaha im such a mess of an author
> 
> war - kensington

You regretted saying anything to Hanji about your stupid crush on him.

They practically exploded on site when Eren came back to see you guys off, tapping twice on the counter at you as was customary for your goodbyes, and then proceeded to bark your ear off all the way back to their house about just that; Even after you were driving away, you could hear them screeching through your closed windows. You felt increasingly bad for their neighbours.

Aside from all of that, however big a shitshow they made out of it, you were thankful that your ritual of getting your own tea (always hot when you got it) and chatting with Eren before and after work had returned to how it was before. You swore, those two and a half weeks were the longest of your entire life.

But even then, something had changed. The mood in the air felt different, to you at least. A new sort of tension.

There were things now that you noticed that you hadn't quite before, like how his eyebrow twitched whenever the bell rang to signal the opening of the door, how his eyes glassed over when he was counting change, and how they sparkled with concentration when he made people's drinks. He's wearing a brass-gold key around his neck. That's new. You noted that he stretched _a lot,_ and you wondered for a brief moment if you should ask him if he wanted a massage or something before realizing 'wow, that sounds vaguely like a pass at him, and you should probably keep your mouth shut.' He was actually kind of clumsy, and more often than not he was spilling coffee grinds on the floor, or getting milk on his apron. You caught quick glances of what his skin looked like under the winter sun that shone through the window, what it looked like when the light hit his eyes– you could think of nothing beautiful which they did not resemble. His cheeks were flushed and his face was cheerful, and your heart stuttered in your chest as you looked away to preserve your dignity. You had to swallow down a piping hot sip of tea to remind yourself that no, it wasn't common knowledge that you liked him, but it would become so if you continued being so fucking obvious and blatantly staring at him. But how could you not? He was like a work of art, you mused internally, skin smooth like a soft breeze and an attitude akin to that of a forest fire.

You really needed to stop doing this to yourself.

Constantly reminding yourself of this stupid unrequited crush was a pain in the ass, and you almost wished you hadn't come to the conclusion so soon, but one last glance at him before you left for work, watching him closely as he smiled and waved you off with a cheerful "See you tomorrow Levi!", maybe you'd reconsider that thought.

_________________________

Things just had to keep happening, didn't they?

You swear, you just wanted to enjoy a normal day off of work chatting with Eren during his shift- 

Well, you suppose that you spending more than half an hour at Legion talking to their newest addition wasn't really par to the course, but you couldn't keep yourself away from him. If you had time off, why would you waste it at home sulking when there was something much better to do?

But as life would have it, not even you could enjoy a few sound moments alone with him. 

He had just barely finished telling you about the arrival of his sister, who would apparently be living with him for the next while, when the bell to signal the door opening chimed. Your hand clenched around your tea in annoyance as he looked at you apologetically and called out the customary greeting, and you settled yourself almost instantly.

"Welcome to Legion!" He chirped, and you took a sip of your tea while waiting for the interaction to end. You leaned back in your stool at the register, resting an arm against the back behind you. He glanced at you with a little smile, and you nodded back as you raised up the cup to your lips; Waiting. Patience. You heard steps behind you, and Eren's facial expression changed to one of mild surprise as his eyes darted up to the stranger. Your gaze followed curiously, watching as a guy twice your size with blond hair buzzed short and eyes as blue as a summer sky sauntered up to the counter, and you could practically smell the testosterone. Your hair stood up on the back of your neck.

"Braun? Reiner Braun?" Eren said, sounding what could only be described as gobsmacked. You tried not to make your blatant staring too obvious. Not that Eren would have noticed anyway— His attention was elsewhere, fortunately and unfortunately for you.

"Holy shit, Jaeger? Like, Eren quarterback of the football team Jaeger? No way," The man smirked, halfway to bedroom eyes, and you bristled in your seat. It took everything to make yourself look away; make yourself look less betrayed. He was allowed to have a past with friends, wasn't he?

"Yeah- Jeez, you look so different- I think your muscles got bigger," Eren giggled, and the guy barked out a laugh so masculine you almost grimaced at the taste of manliness in your mouth suddenly. You took another sip of your tea to wash it down your throat. "Nah, you're probably just used to shrimps out here by now-" You tried not to feel personally victimized by his comment. "You go to Maria, right? No offence, but your team sucks!" He bellowed. You wanted to cover your ears at how loud he was being, but one sidelong glance at Eren told you that this was the usual for someone like him. 

Eren laughed, and you had to remind yourself to not get so creepily possessive. He was just an old friend from his apparent-high school football team that he was on, and what right did you have to get so jealous over him, anyway? Reynold (or whatever his stupid name was) could make a pass at him if he damn well pleased, and you'd be powerless if he said yes. You loved reminding yourself just how one-sided this was. "Not all of the small ones are shrimps," Eren laughed again, and you caught from your peripheral Eren shooting you a look. You smirked, not sparing him more than a glance, your fingers tapping on your cup in triumph. Hey, he may have called you small, but it was a victory nonetheless. At this point, you'd take what you could get.

"I had no idea you worked here," The stranger continued, and you'd take another sip of your drink if you hadn't finished it off already. "I've been coming here for ages and haven't seen you once!" he laughed, and your face changed instantly. 'Ages?' You thought to yourself, eyebrows furrowing only slightly. 'I've been coming to this cafe for over 4 years, and I'm pretty sure I'd remember an ugly face like that.'

'Well, Levi,' the less cynical and bitter part of you began. 'It is viable— it isn't like you spend all your time here. Maybe he doesn't come in every day like you do, maybe he works when everyone else is off shift- You don't know that.'

You wanted to smack yourself in the face. 

"-Anyway, if you wanted, I could give you my number?"

You looked over at this, an inkling of irritation building itself a home in the form of a lump in your throat. "U-uh, sure!" Was Eren's shaky reply, and you didn't know how to interpret it in a way that wasn't akin to that of a blushing schoolboy kind of reaction. You watched Reilly ~~probably not his name but you really didn't care this way or that,~~ scramble to pull out his phone, writing his number on a spare napkin and passing it to Eren with the smirk that hadn't left his face since he spotted him behind the register. 

"Well, now that that's over with— is there anything you wanted to drink?" Eren chimed, and you sighed as you looked down at your phone. You had half a mind to leave, but realistically this encounter was only taking about 5 minutes longer than they usually do, and you were looking forward to interrogating Eren after this muscly-bombshell of a man left the cafe. "A mint macchiato," said the stranger, and Eren got right on it. 

He shot you a look as Eren turned away, his eyes lidded in a sort-of half-glare that you think was before snorting inwardly. You returned the look full force, giving him the most withering stare you could manage, and he shrunk in on himself like a puppy with his tail between his legs. You lifted your shoulders only slightly in a sign of triumph, smirking as you rolled your eyes and looked away. 'Physicality means nothing if you cant hold your own in a fucking staring contest, Meat Mania,' you bit inwardly as you looked outside the window. The sun was coming out a lot more often, melting the snow despite it only being February, and you welcomed the warmth that shut out the cold winter and all the misfortune that followed. They don't call it seasonal depression for nothing, you suppose. It was a nice change of pace, and as much as you disliked rain, you hated snow infinitely more. Sometimes you just have to make sacrifices.

You heard Eren pass his friend his drink and watched from the corner of your eye as he exited the cafe, but you pretended not to notice until Eren tapped on the counter to get your attention. You tapped back and turned your head to face him nonchalantly, as if that entire encounter hadn't put you and your inner emotions in complete turmoil, and he was flashing you that same apologetic smile as before. "Sorry I took so long, I hope you weren't waiting for too long?"

"Tch," you clicked your tongue, turning your body to face him more as you pushed your empty cup to the side. "Just because I'm here on my day off doesn't mean I'm here for you," You lied, biting the inside of your cheek. "I genuinely enjoy this place. I'm here for the good tea and nice atmosphere." A knowing smile crept onto Eren's face, a look of 'Sure, Jan.' painted all over it as he turned to refill your cup wordlessly. "You're right, it was totally wrong of me to assume something like that." He looked like he was fighting off giggles. "I sincerely apologize, Levi," he retorted again, and you rolled your eyes as he passed the paper cup back to you. You took a gratifying sip, and delighted in the way Eren positively beamed at your reaction, however small it was. What can you say? It's really good tea.

"So, who was that walking meatloaf anyway?" You asked cooly, looking down at your nails. Eren choked on something, and you raised an eyebrow to look at him through hooded lids. "Oh god, that was Reiner- I had a giant crush on him in the 11th grade, but when I confessed to him he told me I looked like a limp noodle and walked away." Eren laughed a little, nervously tugging at his collar. You smirked and rested your cheek in your hand. "It was super awkward. I didn't know how to deal with the rejection so we just stopped talking at all. It felt weird-! I mean, he compared my arms to cooked ramen! Like, who does that?" he said, kind of exasperated. You chuckled and he laughed too, running a hand through his hair. You still didn't know how to feel about his shorter hair– It was gorgeous, but it took a lot of getting used to. He looked youthful, you thought, the ends of his hair licking at his ears and his neck in little messy chocolate curls. 

Since when were you this sappy?

"I'm over it now. High school was kinda strange, I don't even know what I saw in him. Maybe it was his muscles? Not that he's a bad guy, but he's not really my type, you know?" Eren said as he wiped white foam off of a metal tin. You raised an eyebrow, a smirk tugging at the corner of your lips as you leaned in more over the counter. "You have a type, eh?"

"Well," colour bloomed onto his cheeks, and you wanted to kiss them really, really bad. "Not necessarily? But whatever it is, undecided as it may be, it just.." he paused. "It isn't him." He giggled again, reaching over for the number messily scribbled on the napkin. "But hey, I guess _this_ means I'm no longer a limp noodle, huh?" he smiled proudly, flexing his arm at you jokingly as he kissed the muscle currently shifting underneath his tan skin. You lifted a shirt sleeve and flashed him a look before flexing as well, the coy smile not having left your face as his fell. "Holy shit," whispered Eren, and you rolled your eyes; inwardly, you felt the breath leave your lungs completely, as if his stare sucked it all out from your mouth. "Levi, can I- ugh, never mind, that sounds weird," he looked down at his shoes before raising a hand and holding it over his cheeks, and you figured it was to hide the flush that was creeping its way up his neck.

"Go ahead," You breathed, and he lit up like a fucking Christmas tree, his arm stretching out to touch your bicep. You glowed with pride as his hand gripped your arm, and you noted that the pads of his fingers were calloused, but his touch was gentle, and his hands were soft. You liked the way his skin contrasted against yours, and decided you wanted to see that all the time. You wondered what it'd look like if you held his hand and linked your fingers together- you imagined it'd be like swirling cream into a latte.

Eren giggled a little as he squeezed your arm, and you saw a question on his lips that died as soon as the bell sounded. You both looked towards the door to see a girl with shoulder length hair and a red scarf wrapped loosely around her neck, a bag clasped in both hands as her grey eyes zeroed in on you in a glare. Eren's hand tensed on your arm before he ripped it away, a look of shock and embarrassment apparent on his face as he hid his hands behind his back. "L-Levi! I was just telling you about my sister, M-"

"Eren, who is that?" she cut in.

"Kasa, it isn't-"

"Why haven't I heard about him? Who is he? Why are you groping his arm? I came to bring you lunch, not to see you flirting with your new mystery boyfriend while on the job," She scolded, stepping closer. "Where's Armin? Why are you the only one out front? W-"

"Mikasa!" Eren all but shouted, his face going an impressive shade of bright red as he held his hands out to brace himself. So _this_ was the sister he was talking about. "He's not my boyfriend! This is my _friend_ , Levi. He comes here every day, we chat, he's a good guy! Armin's at home, his shift starts in an hour, and I'm covering the cash for Sasha and Ymir because they were assigned bathroom duty this week, and only left it to the last minute! And..." he flushed deeper, and you wouldn't think that was even possible had you not just seen it. "He has really nice arm muscles. You should feel." It was said under his breath, but you were sure she heard it almost as well as you did, if not more due to her apparent freaky sister telepathy connection she obviously had with him. She shot another glare in your direction, and you returned it with a fierce look of your own before she swiftly turned to him, her long hair sweeping over her shoulders like a swift black waterfall. "I don't like him," she announced, and you rolled your eyes with a 'tch,' biting your tongue so as to keep yourself from replying. Eren looked at you apologetically for the nth time that day. His eyes shone in the sun reflecting off the window, and you forced yourself to look away before both him _and_ his sister caught you staring like a lovesick kid.

They didn't even look related, her eyes steel grey with sleek midnight black hair, and his eyes an ocean full of life and colour, his hair soft and brown like all the colours of leaves in the fall. Both of them were attractive, you'd admit, but she was more likely to be something like a long lost sister to you than anything to him. You decided you'd ask him about that later, when they were less in public. 

Since when had you planned on meeting him on purpose in a place that wasn't the coffee shop? You sure were getting ahead of yourself. You only just ~~accepted~~ realized you had a crush on him a week ago, but as cheesy as it sounded ~~as cheesy as it _felt,_~~ it felt like you had known him forever. 

Yeah, that definitely sounded cheesy. You made a mental note to never think anything remotely like that again and promptly shut that thought process into a drawer in your mind, locking it up securely and tossing the key into a river or something. You didn't really know how brains worked.

"..vi? Levi? Hellooo," sang Eren, his hand waving in front of your face. "See? He's probably died of a heart attack or something. Eren, what if he's on drugs?" You heard Mikasa say behind you, and you saw Eren shoot her a scornful look as you blinked a few times to ground yourself. "For your information," you spoke finally, turning your head to address her cooly. "I am 28. If anyone's likely to die due to heart issues, it's you. Actually.. I think if you keep up like this, you'd be pretty susceptible to develop an ulcer too, now that I really think about it." You stood up and grabbed your coat and the tea Eren had set in front of you a while ago - still warm - and tapped on the counter with your free hand. "Text me later or something," you said only for him to hear as you made your leave.

The look of surprise on her face when you turned around was enough to shoot a rush of adrenaline through you as you sent her a little satisfied smile, and if looks could kill, the daggers she was glaring at you would have pierced through your heart by now. Eren looked disgruntled, but smiled away as he waved you off, and you waved over your shoulder without looking back as you pushed the door open.

____________________

Despite Levi telling you to text him later, not five minutes after he left you with a fuming sister did his text tone go off from your pocket.

**Captain Short** : Sorry.  
 **Captain Short** : Good luck.  
 **Captain Short** : Brat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fmsmmcsmgd i didnt understand reiner x eren ships in ereri fics before but now i do i get it hoyl shit this is gonna get wild af,
> 
> anyway i hope it was good enough,,??,?


	17. chocolady

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As things do in spring, it bloomed, and from here it can only grow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lowkey sorta kinda baby crush on levi develops dont worry about it its still gonna take a bit before eren is like "oh, so thats what that was,"
> 
> anyway the song for this chapter is Chocolady - akdong musician anD I KNOW ITS A KPOP SONG BUT ITS SO NICE AND IT FITS THE MOOD DONT BULLY ME
> 
> happy april fools losers (^;

"Oh my god, Eren, don't tell me she actually walked in and saw you holding Levi's muscles." said Armin, currently chewing on a piece of lemon loaf.

You flushed, averting your eyes as you glared at the bathroom Mikasa was currently using. "Look, it was all circumstance. She walked in on the wrong time, it totally wasn't what it looked like."

"It looked like you were groping a strangers biceps to me," said Mikasa with an aloof attitude as she walked out of the washroom. She was still rubbing moisturizer into her cheeks, shooting you a look you couldn't decipher as she walked into the kitchen to grab herself a glass of water. "Okay.. so maybe it was what it looked like. But it wasn't like it was random! There was a whole conversation leading up to it, and-"

Armin snickered from behind you, and you turned to him again to glare him into taking it back.

He didn't. 

"Look, Eren, there's not really a way to justify someone walking in on you feeling up Levi's arm. You should be glad Mikasa walked in instead of someone else, otherwise someone might've taken photos." He said matter-of-factly, making camera clicking motions in front of your face with a smile.

Your flush increased in intensity as you shrunk down in your seat and buried your head in your hands. Mikasa tapped your spine with a wooden spoon, muttering 'posture, Eren,' softly scolding you before heading towards (you assumed) your room to sleep. What a good brother you were to give up your bed for a pullout couch. "Night, guys." She called out before you heard the telltale sound of your door creaking shut. When you looked back at Armin smirking at you, your look soured as you rolled your eyes. "What are you thinking of now, you coconut conspirator?"

Armin laughed out at the nickname, but you were very serious. "I dunno," breathed Armin easily as his laughter died down. "You and Levi are getting awful close lately. He even let you touch him- I've never seen anyone touch him. Once I offered to shake his hand, when I was a newbie, and he just grimaced at me. Told me to go wash my hands until my first layer of skin peeled off, then he'd reconsider." You laughed at this, cheek in your palm as you leaned against the marble-top island you and Armin were seated at. "That does sound like a very Levi thing to do. I took him out for a sandwich once, and he spent 15 minutes lecturing the worker there about proper cleaning procedures. It was really entertaining," you laughed, a light smile on your face. _'That was the night I stopped him from walking into traffic,'_ You thought to yourself, the smile on your face ebbing off. There was a sour taste in your mouth that you promptly ignored, looking back at Armin with puckered lips.

Armin was looking at you knowingly, but you didn't know why this time. Usually you had a faint idea, but right now you were completely lost. "Don't worry, Ar," You started, reaching your hand across the counter to ruffle his soft blond hair. "I couldn't ever replace you," You chuckled, but he only smiled and shook his head. 

"Oh, my poor, sweet Eren," he said almost condescendingly, picking your hand off his head. "I know. You'd die without me around."

But he was still smirking at you, like he had access to the world database, and all that was in it. Like he knew something you didn't. What was his issue?

__________________________

"Welcome to- Ah, Levi! You're early," You chirped, just starting to brew his tea. "It'll take a bit longer to have it ready this time in that case, so you'll have to wait a little bit!" You smiled, and he only nodded before taking his usual seat and ducking his head.

"So, what do you do anyway?" You saw Levi getting his wallet from his pocket out of the corner of your eye, and you held a hand out to tell him not to bother. He never let you pay for his tea, and you assumed it was because " _The day I let a clumsy brat like_ you _buy me coffee,_ ", but you thought you ought to push your luck. He wouldn't _actually_ kill you, right?

"I work in-"

A loud horn sounded somewhere outside while Levi answered, and somehow that didn't deter him from answering. It's as if he didn't even notice it. You squinted your eyes to try and read his lips, but you were never good at doing that anyway; He finished talking before the alarm ~~or whatever the hell that was~~ got shut off. "I see..." you said, not really getting your answer but deciding you didn't want to make him repeat himself. He didn't seem like the type who liked to do that. "I make enough that I don't need some college brat paying for my tea, either," he said without looking up, and sometime during his explanation he had slid the money over the counter to you. You bristled behind the bar, pouting your lips as the timer went off for the tea. 

You poured it into a to go cup, slipping it behind the machine to do your magic before handing it off to him with a bitter smile. "One day. I'll pay for you one day." He took a sip and sighed as his head tilted back, and you watched his Adam's apple bob in his throat as he swallowed, caught sight of how his pale skin caught the early morning light filtering in through the window. Like a work of art, a masterpiece. He leaned forward again, and you were walking away to tend to other things behind the counter, shaking all weird thoughts out or your head and getting ready for the morning rush that was sure to come within the next 20 minutes. You wilted at the prospect of having to say goodbye to Levi so soon, even if you'd had an extra 5 minutes this morning. ' _You have his number,_ ' a bitter voice said inside your head. You almost grimaced. ' _It isn't as if you cant just call him, dumbass._ ' The voice said again, and you averted your eyes from Levi, wondering when you had started looking at him so much. Wondering how long you'd been staring at him like a creep.

"What do you even put in my tea, anyway?" He asked out of no where, and you snapped out of your reverie as you caught his gaze again. You ended up looking away first, staring at the tip of his nose before glancing down at his lips and looking towards the stacks of coffee gathering around the stage once again. The flora of the cafe, you mused to yourself. "It's a secret, Levi. If I told you, you wouldn't need me anymore," You winked, and he rolled his eyes as he glanced away into the window. "Such a brat," he mumbled, but you caught it as your smile widened.

Could Levi be considered a part of the fauna?

Customers started trickling in at a quicker pace, the ringing bell signalling the very beginnings of the rush, and you nodded at Levi while at the cash register taking orders. Your eyes followed the movement of his fingers, pressing two of them together to tap on the counter as he slung his bag over his shoulder and turned to leave, and though you were in the middle of making a handful of soy-mocha-non fat lattes with extra _extra_ foam (seriously, what the fuck?) you instinctively tapped back, heart warming at the sight of his lips turning up into a little smile as he turned away from you. 

You felt lucky to catch smiles like those.

______________________________

On your afternoon break you resolved that you wanted to try hanging out with Levi. You chirped a quiet 'hi' to the break room populous as you walked into the break room, Sasha humming in acknowledgement around her stuffed potato and Ymir responding noncommittally, eyes glued to her phone and stoic as per usual. You weren't sure how to initiate anything more than that with them, let alone Levi, but you grabbed your phone from your cubby and tried typing out a message that seemed totally casual and not sort of awkward anyway while your bystanders busied themselves with their own things.

 **JaegerBOMB** : levi! was wonderin if yo

You deleted the text and tried again.

 **JaegerBOMB** : heya shorty! u fr

You promptly backed up and erased that message as well, knowing way better than to call him shorty and ask him to hang out in the same sentence. Might as well ask him to hang _you_ instead.

 **JaegerBOMB** : lunch tomorrow? my treat!

You deleted that one too, realizing there's no way he'd let you buy him lunch if he couldn't even handle letting you buy his tea, and you'd feel awful if he payed for your share as well. 

**JaegerBOMB** : are you free saturday?

You decided that was about as cool as it was gonna get, and sent the message with your heart fluttering in your chest like a caged butterfly. You felt defensive suddenly, wondering why you were so worked up over asking him to hang out. As _friends._ You shook the feeling off, the butterflies forcefully settling themselves at the bottom of your lungs, almost as if they were cursing you for being shamelessly overexcitable. Levi's text tone sounded off in your locker immediately after you put it away, and the circus started up all over again while your eyes flitted over the affirmative ~~yet ever-sarcastic~~ reply. Armin stepped into the break room with a soft smile, nibbling on a breakfast bar as he reached for his cubby as well. "Three more hours," he breathed with a dry laugh as he checked inside for his phone to update himself. "Mikasa got boxing gloves from your dad," he said absently, and you smiled as you pocketed your cell once more. "She's asking if we know about any dojo's or something nearby in the group chat," he said again as his arms were buried elbow-deep in his locker. "I wouldn't know, its on mute for me. But you can tell her there's one inside Rose Square, about a block away from the apartment."

Armin bobbed his head before he started (presumably) typing a reply, giggling a few seconds later. "She's hurt that you have us on mute," he said again, and you shoved his shoulder as you brushed invisible dirt off of your apron and walked towards the exit. "Shut up, Ar, you guys talk a lot. My phone is old, it lags!" You whined in argument before leaving a chuckling Armin behind in the break room.

"I'm telling her you said she talks a lot!" He shouted as you walked out, a smile on your face as you resumed working, standing at the register and waiting absently. "Three more hours," you mouthed after Armin, straightening your shoulders. The bell rang and you brightened up your face with a smile, chirping out the greeting once more as you tapped your fingers on the counter.

"Welcome to Legion!"

Three more hours.

___________________________

 **Captain Short** : What's the forecast for Saturday?

Levi texted you after your shift on a Wednesday, and you smiled as you looked at your phone, your nerves buzzing with excitement. You felt like you were on fire, but instead of being scary and painful you felt warm and soft and.... Unreasonably happy. You tried to remember if you had always been like this around new friends, but found you were never really good at making those. The reaction was mixed, you guessed with a mental shrug.

 **JaegerBOMB** : i'll check! one sec pls  
 **Captain Short** : God, I hate text talk.  
 **JaegerBOMB** : oh, sorry your great (old) highness, i'll see to it immediately that all college kids develop more time to formulate full sentences for you!  
 **JaegerBOMB** : ;b  
 **Captain Short** : Eat shit, Jaeger, I am not that much older than you.  
 **Captain Short** : Just tell me what the fucking weather is before I change my mind and cancel on your sorry ass.

You giggled as you closed the texting app, going to search the weather on Safari because you knew the default weather readings didn't go that in depth. As you began to type, a pang of fear struck through your heart as your fingers froze over the keyboard. It was nearing spring, right? The snow had all melted, and it was getting around that time...

You shook the thought out of your head promptly, running a hand through your hair as you typed in the rest of the domain and hit send.

The website said that there'd be a 30% chance of rain and wind all week, but so far it had been pleasantly sunny with only light winds and comfortably warm temperatures. The only thing you saw that was off about Saturday is that sun wasn't a possible forecast, but even then that didn't scare you. No where did it say a thunderstorm was taking place, not even a chance, so as far as you were concerned you were basically home free. You closed the browser and opened the texting app again, opening on Levi's text column. 

**JaegerBOMB** : bad news, no sun  
 **JaegerBOMB** : chances of rain aren't high though!  
 **Captain Short** : Hm. I guess we'll stay inside then. Is my apartment okay?  
 **JaegerBOMB** : yeah, that sounds great!

His typing bubble popped up, and then it stopped. He didn't reply for a while. Instead of getting up and doing something productive like work on your world history homework or something, you just stared at the chat bar, waiting for a reply. After debating with yourself whether or not you should do it, you saw a text appear from the corner of your eye and ruled at once that advanced historiography decidedly wasn't your deal right now.

 **Captain Short** : Sorry, I had to step out and do something.   
**Captain Short** : Bring some movies to my place or something.  
 **Captain Short** : If they aren't good, I'll slit your throat and sell your eyeballs on the black market.  
 **Captain Short** : And keep your movies.  
 **JaegerBOMB** : haha, so funny levi  
 **JaegerBOMB** : not sure my eyes would go for much on the black market though, they look like wet seaweed.

Levi took a while to reply this time, his typing bubble popping up and then disappearing a few times before a reply finally sent.

 **Captain Short** : Hanji thinks they're gorgeous. 'Oceans of turquoise,' or something sappy like that.  
 **JaegerBOMB** : wow, do they? i hope they arent driving with those blind eyes, hahahaha  
 **Captain Short** : I don't disagree with them.

a blush found its way across your cheeks, making its home in your skin as you heated up in embarrassment. Certainly they were both just blind. Out of impulse, you opened Hanji's chat and typed a message that surely sounded like frantic yelling in your mind.

 **JaegerBOMB** : HANJI IS IT TRUE YOU SAID MY EYES WERE LIKE A TURQUOISE OCEAN  
 **Goggles** : Hah? Tht's strange, who told u tht?  
 **JaegerBOMB** : levi just told me you said my eyes were gorgeous and like a turquoise ocean  
 **Goggles** : Hmmm.....  
 **Goggles** : >:3c  
 **JaegerBOMB** : hanji??  
 **Goggles** : Nofin 2 worry ur pretty lil noggin abt! i TTLLY said tht >:3c  
 **JaegerBOMB** : i cant even read what you're saying jesus christ  
 **Goggles** : Haha u sound like leviiii

You rolled your eyes with a laugh as you typed a parting message before locking your phone, developing a new found understanding of Levi's emotions. They were fucking crazy- just like he said.

 **JaegerBOMB** : compliments aside,,,,  
 **JaegerBOMB** : your place at 11?  
 **Captain Short** : 11's early for you, isn't it? Someone's eager.  
 **JaegerBOMB** : hey, shut up! you dont know that!  
 **Captain Short** : You're a college student who works as a barista to make a living.   
**JaegerBOMB** : yeah, and im also up every morning at six so i can make you your stupid tea, so can it!  
 **Captain Short** : Aw, just for me? What a sweetheart.  
 **Captain Short** : Just kidding – you're acting like a brat.  
 **JaegerBOMB** : says you!!  
 **Captain Short** : What are you implying when you say that?

You pulled at the collar of your shirt as you dodged a bullet, exhaling a bit as you looked at the sky outside, at the sunny weather and partially cloudy sky. You smiled, rest assured that the weather for the week was gonna be nice. You were home free as far as you were concerned.

 **JaegerBOMB** : nothing nothing nothing  
 **Captain Short** : That's what I thought.  
 **Captain Short** : Tomorrow at 11. Don't be late, or I'll lock you out, brat.

A smile split across your face as you read the message over and over. You didn't doubt he'd do it for even a second.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it begins now fuckrs B)
> 
> also sorry my chapters are so short i,m not good at this whole writing thing lolol


	18. science vs romance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was spring- this was bound to happen, wasn't it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok yeah i just realized how aggressively short my chapters are and honestly.... im kinda disappointed in myself bcause im all like "ohhhh i work do haaaard and writing is so difficuuult" but i only put out like, ~>2000 words per chapter? man oh man im kinda sad haha. but ANYWAY the song for Thos Chapter is science vs romance by Rilo Kiley and its a fuckin. bop please listen

The days seemed to move slower and slower as the weekend approached, but when Friday came you found you couldn't bring yourself to sleep. It was a quarter to midnight, and you were scrolling through social medias absently, restlessly. Impatient. "Why cant Saturday just. Be here, already!" You grumble to yourself as you close all your apps and lie down on your lumpy futon, staring at your speckled ceiling. You always hated the way the texture felt. 13 minutes to Saturday, you tell yourself as you glance towards the window. You cant see the sky from here, but you know it's nothing to worry about.

You grab your phone to text Levi just because. You want to scold yourself for your poor impulse control.

 **JaegerBOMB** : is it bad that im kinda excited for tomorrow?

It was to your immediate surprise that Levi had responded at once. Your heartbeat sped up, and you were sort of unreasonably light in this moment, 11:49 on Friday, March 17th in 2017.

 **Captain Short** : Not at all. Makes me feel a bit better, at least.

You rubbed the back of your hand against your cheeks, as if trying to scratch off the heat that was settling itself there.

 **Captain Short** : You cant sleep either?  
**JaegerBOMB** : its 10 minutes to saturday,

Your reply was so lame. You're so lame. You put a palm to your forehead to further insinuate how lame you were. What is this, a fanfiction? 'Calm down, Eren' You think to yourself. 'He's literally just some guy that buys tea from the shop you work at. Chill out.'

Another, lighter voice spoke its peace, though a lot quieter. 'He only wants it specifically from you,' it whispered. 

**Captain Short** : Shall I stay up with you?  
**JaegerBOMB** : just until midnight, i dont want to keep you!  
**JaegerBOMB** : we need rest for tomorrow, or something  
**Captain Short** : I suppose you're right.  
**Captain Short** : Just until midnight, then.

That's what he said, but even so, you talked for another hour and a half after midnight had come and gone.

__________________________

You woke up the next morning in sort of a daze, glancing at your phone in your hand as you heard the telltale screech of your alarm in the background, most likely coming from your room. There was a couch cushion tossed into your face, and then again at your feet. "Mmmmmm," you groaned, rolling over and snuggling more into your blanket. "Mmnnnooo....." You groaned again as the pillow attack continued, your other roommate joining in for twice as much assault. "Eren," you faintly heard Mikasa's voice from underneath your blankets. "Eren, it's quarter after 10. Your alarm has been going off for 45 minutes. Wake up."

You shot up immediately, blinking sleep out of your eyes as you grabbed at your phone which had died sometime during the night- serves you right for leaving it on, you guess. "Shit! Shit, shitshitshit, SHIT! There's no fucking way it's-" You looked at the clock on the stove. 10:16. Shit. You shouted out a chorus of colourful words as you frantically plugged your phone in beside your futon before jumping out of the covers and running straight for the shower. "Why didn't you guys wake me up when it first started going off!"

"Didn't think it was that important. You always set alarms too early, anyway." came Mikasa's monotonous reply from behind the slammed door as you ripped off your pyjamas. "I never set alarms!" You shout back as you crank on the water and jump into the spray, wincing at the cold but getting to it anyway. "He has a point, Kasa, I'm the one who sets them, usually." said Armin in your defence. You were too busy power-scrubbing the skin off of your body to listen in to the rest of their convo. You were out three minutes later, loosely wrapping a towel around your waist as you ran into your room, shaking your head to dry your hair as you rifled through your drawers for a shirt that didn't smell like... Well, a college student. You figured coffee-smell was better than literal ass, so sliding on a forest green shirt and some black skinnies from like 12th grade (still fit, hallelujah,) you pulled on a dark sweater and grasped your half charged phone with the stack of movies in your hands as you slipped out of the apartment and began to run to Levi's.

It occurred to you about halfway there as you sprinted down the street, DVD's clutched against your chest in one arm, that you could have taken the car and that it probably would have been faster, that running would only make you sweatier and therefore defeat the purpose of a shower, but one look at the traffic jam told you that there was a reason you didn't drive and you were glad that fate had aligned itself like that.

You ripped your phone out of your pocket to check the time as Levi's building came into view, and noticed with dread you had less than 10 minutes to make it up the 4 flights of stairs to get to his apartment. You stopped outside the entrance to catch your breath with 8 minutes to go, taking in a deep gulp of air as you walked through the doors to buzz the number on the ringer that Levi gave you. For a moment, you were envious that his was so much more shiny than your building's, indicative of the obvious wage gap between you two; but then the second set of doors unlocked and you bolted up the stairs, forgetting completely about the jealousy as anticipation and adrenaline pumped itself through your veins. 

You arrived at the top of the stairs and outside his door by 10:59, and you mentally patted yourself on the back as you knocked on the door and then slumped down, a hand on your knee as you wheezed to catch your breath, thanking god that you remembered to put on deodorant and cologne today. You heard Levi's door slide open as his slippers came into your line of sight, and you looked up at him as you panted to catch your breath. "Hey," You rasped, swallowing hard. "Did you know that it takes," You pause to take a breath. "Less than 20 minutes to run here," Pause again. "From my place?" You finished with a tired, satisfied grin. Levi gave you a look before stepping back, gripping his door. "I'm tempted to make you shower." He said with a grimace. "I showered before I came here," You breathed again as you stood up straight, rubbing your neck as you tilted it from side to side. "Maybe, but you look all sweaty and gross now."

"I cant shower in your house until we are best friends and you've seen my dick at least three times. That's my personal rule," You said as you placed the plastic-y stack of entertainment in Levi's arms, toeing your shoes off and standing up straight. He struggled to grab them all in time as he went silent and looked away. "I see," he replied awkwardly after a while, letting his hand slip off the door. He walked to the kitchen, still not facing you as he put the movies down on his island, and you felt the air turn thick with some sort of tension. "So we're not best friends right now?" He said after a while, his ears tinted pink, and the terse feeling evaporated almost instantly. Thank God.

"Well, I mean, I didn't wanna move too fast just in case I scare you, but if you wanna be best friends right now, hell yeah! I still cant show you my dick, though-"

Levi burst into quiet laughter as he busied himself, and you heard the sound of the kettle starting up. The noise filled the space rather well, you noticed with a smile, and you took a seat on his couch as you stared out the window. You guess you noticed on your way here, absently, that it was cloudy, but you hadn't really registered it. You slipped your phone out again to check the chance of precipitation, only to find it had raised to a solid 45%. You didn't worry about it because it was still less than 50, instead putting your phone into your pocket again as you relaxed into the couch with a small sigh of contentment. Even if it started raining, water is water – you're a big boy, you can handle a storm or two. Levi didn't join you until a few minutes later, a movie tucked under his arm and two steaming cups in his hands. He put one down in front of you on the coffee table and then extended his arm to let a movie fall into your lap as he sat down next to you, not far enough away that it was awkward but not close enough that it was... Well, awkward.

"I cant believe you actually brought romantic comedies into my home, where I live and bathe and sleep." He said as he held the mug betwixt pale fingertips in that way of his, taking a sip and looking every bit as if that sip had relieved him of all his troubles of the day. "You don't like romcoms?" You said, disappointment edging in your voice as you turned the movie over in your hands, now looking at the title with a raised brow. "I never said that. I enjoy them- I just never expected _you_ to." He replied, not quite taking his eyes away from the windows. "' _Juno_ ', Huh?" You mumbled to yourself as you rose from the couch to locate the DVD player. 

"Just put it in the playstation," You heard him say as he walked over to pull blockers over the window. The grey light filtering in from the outside disappeared as he brought them down, warm yellow light from the lamp next to the couch replacing it. "Looks like rain," you commented, focusing on finding the gaming system so you could watch the movie. "Shitty Glasses said they felt like there was gonna be a thunderstorm- First in a while, actually. About a year?" You froze in place, your shoulders tensing up at the mention of a thunderstorm. "They think they're psychic or something. It usually only rains here." Levi finished. Those weren't supposed to happen in this area - not often, anyway - why does this kind of thing happen to you?

"You okay? The PS4 is right in front of you, you know," Levi said, but there was a hint of concern in his voice. You closed your eyes and counted to 16, and when you opened them you located the slot, slipped the DVD into the machine, and then stood and sat back down wordlessly. Levi looked to you from his standing position in front of the couch, but when your eyes met he nodded almost imperceptibly and then set to work on the controller; it was as if nothing had happened.

You were thankful he understood what to do, but you wondered how he sensed it. He was so in tune to your emotions, you thought as you folded your hands in your lap awkwardly. "You can put your feet up on the couch, if your socks are clean- If they're nasty, I'll cut your feet off before they touch the fabric." he spoke as his back was facing you. You looked up at him with a nervous smile, knowing he couldn't see you but feeling like he knew anyway as you pulled your feet up under you and crossed your legs. 

Levi held himself very gracefully, you realized with a half smile. Everything looked so calculated, even down to the way he sat down on his couch; he didn't just drop down like Eren did, he lowered himself until he was seated, and somehow his poise made him seem infinitely more endearing. It was precious, you thought to yourself. The movie finally started half way through the beginning credits, and you watched with partial interest, more fascinated with the way Levi looked from the corner of your eye. You glanced back to the coffee table and saw the cup he set out for you, and you reached out for it to take a sip. "Levi?" You called, turning your head only slightly to look at him over your shoulder. "Hm?" He said, turning his head towards you but flicking his eyes back and forth from the TV. Finally, they settled on you and you smiled warmly, tapping the rim of the cup. "Thanks," You responded. The look in his eyes grew considerably softer as he reached over to ruffle up your hair. A blush spread over your face and you hoped desperately that your hair didn't feel disgusting as he retracted his fingers. "I don't drink hot chocolate," he says, an ghost of a smirk on his face. He looked back to the TV, still sort of smiling. "Who else is gonna drink it?"

Your neck felt hot as you looked back to the screen, absently taking another sip and letting the warmth soothe past your beating heart as its pace quickened. "I guess you're right," you mumbled back. He bought it just for you. You watched Michael Cera on screen as he and Ellen Page had the most awkward and chilling on-screen conversation to date in your books, and you leaned your head back into the cushion between you and Levi, not quite on him but certainly close to it. He shifted towards you, but only slightly, and for some reason you just wanted to close the gap and lay your head on his shoulder. You do that with Armin and Mikasa all the time, so it isn't abnormal, you excused- yet somehow, there was something holding you back, like a bird's wings tangled in thread, preventing it from soaring. You knew this moment was supposed to be significant to the movie, knew because you had seen it so many times, but in this moment it was almost as if you had never watched it before. It felt new. Everything felt new with Levi.

You became conscious of the fact that almost everyone you kept around you recently had been surprisingly predictable as Cera's character stood dumbfounded on his front porch. You placed your cup back on the table so you could clasp your hands together, the movie suddenly at the back of your mind again. When you get down to it, everyone you knew.... Well, you knew them. Your parents, Mikasa, Armin, even Jean. You had known him almost inside and out before you started dating, and even then everything was just... Predictable. Had your life really been that boring? 

You cast a sidelong glance to Levi, who's head was leaning off to the side almost as if a weight was pulling it down, and you opened your mouth to speak when suddenly a loud rumbling sound from outside the windows cut you off. You snapped your head towards the sound to see if it was bad, but became painfully aware that the blockers were drawn and you couldn't see a thing minus small slivers of light slipping in from outside, clinging to the paint on his walls.

It looked darker than it should be for barely 11:45 in the morning.

You looked back towards Levi, and he was staring at you with a question in his eyes that you didn't really want to answer. "Thunder.... kinda spooks me, I guess," you laughed awkwardly as he nodded in understanding. You hoped he didn't see that you were downplaying it. His gaze was still on you, and he looked content to just look at you forever. You held the eye contact with a more than noticeable blush spiking at your skin like fire, but when Levi smiled and looked back at the screen you turned back as well with a little smile of your own and butterflies fluttering around in the pit of your stomach. 

Things weren't always that peachy, you're afraid. 

You had two seconds of Juno throwing slush into the urn before the entire room suddenly blacked out. Thunder rumbled in the distance, but to you it sounded like someone banging on drums right outside of Levi's window as you shrunk back further into the couch, eyes widening. He stood up. You curled back. 

"No, no, no no nononono, this isn't happening," You whispered, breath coming short as you tried to collect yourself. You had been to a therapist or two, and they had said to use breathing exercises- What were they again? Weren't they for your anger? You took in a solid breath, trying your best to calm down, and Levi stood in front of you with pursed lips before shaking out his hands and going to grab something. "I'm calling the manager of the building-" he said as he began to walk towards the other rooms. "Its just in my bedro-"

He was cut off by a flash outside and a sound very similar to a gunshot. Your hand reached out to him in an instant as a tear streaked down your cheek, and from what little you could see him he looked just as panicked as you felt. "L-Levi," You whimpered, grip tightening on his pant leg, and he let out a short breath as he took your wrist in his hand and crawled onto the couch with you. His arm wrapped around your shoulders as he pulled your head to his chest, and his hand ran through your hair in a way that was nothing less than soothing, though a bit awkward at first. More tears rolled down your cheeks as you sniffled, shaking with sobs you didn't want to let loose as Levi pulled you closer to him. "Shh... I know, it's alright. Cry if you need to," he said gently. You've never heard such a soft voice come from Levi- if you weren't alone with him, you'd have assumed it came from someone else. 

You saw another flash and jumped back into his arms, turning around and pressing your nose to his shirt as his arms tightened around you. "Breathe slower, Eren- You might pass out at this rate." He said so softly you almost didn't hear him over your own racing heartbeat. "Its alright. You're safe here. I've got you." He squeezed you to remind you that he was, in fact, here, and he did, in fact, have you. You were practically sitting in his lap as you moved closer, wrapping your arms around his torso as you placed an ear over his chest and listened for his heart beat. "These aren't supposed to happen here," You spoke with a cracked voice. It didn't even sound like yours the way it sputtered out of your mouth, but you didn't have time to be embarrassed right now. Levi rubbed a soothing hand up and down your back, and it warmed your skin as it passed over you like a wave. "It's okay. It cant get to you here." His other hand was scraping through the hair on the nape of your neck, and he was cradling you in a way that suggested you were the most precious thing he's held in his life- despite the panic, your heart had the indecency to skip a beat at the thought. Another rumble of thunder passed outside the closed window as the lightning flashed through the peeks in the blinds, and you clung tighter to him and shivered harder. "Shit, shitshitshitshit," you said, your breathing speeding up again. "Eren, deep breaths. Be slow. It's alright," shushed Levi as a mother would a crying baby. He smoothed the hair on your head, his fingers brushing against your face occasionally, and you shook in his arms as he rested his chin on your head. "It shouldn't be long before it passes, anyway. You're safe here."

He pressed his lips to the crown of your head hesitantly, kissing the thunderstorm right out of your thought process. He continued to shush you as you shifted even closer to him, and his hand continued to brush at the hairs on your neck as he kissed you again,  
more sure of himself this time. Thank you," you whispered, unsure of if he heard you, but not really caring either way. The thunder outside didn't matter as much anymore- all you could hear was the roaring sound of your heart pounding in your ears as Levi stapled you to the ground, holding you as if you were going to fly away if he let go. "Thank you," you whispered again, almost chanting it into the gentle fabric of his t-shirt as his mouth continued to press gentle reassurances into your hair, letting them seep into your skin. 

After a while of just sitting like that with him, the lights came back on. The sound of thunder dissipated into the distance until it was gone completely, and all you could hear in the background was the sound of guitars from the TV and Levi still absently mumbling into your ears.

Eventually, the rain stopped, and everything returned to as it was before the storm. 

A phone rang, somewhere, but it sounded far away to you.

Levi held on.

You let him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is short too but hey we have! stuff! contact!! u kno how it is lmao


	19. dare and daring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because often, the realization doesn't come until it is too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAHA SORRY IVE HAD SUCH A MASSIVE BLOCK THIS PAST MONTH.... UPLOAD SCHEDULE WHO???
> 
> anyway hahahaha remember in the beginning when i said this was only gonna be about 20-25 chapters? god i was wrong 
> 
> i totally had nothing of substance planned for this when i started it. like all i had for planning was the layout of the cafe, why am i like this all i do is dive head first into shark infested waters lmao!! anyway now i have like some sort of a plot to go off of so its probably gonna be like... 30? chapters?? around there. dont quote me on it tho lmao!! y'all know how i am!
> 
> the song for this chapter is dare and daring by gregory and the hawk- seriously one of my favourite bands im in love with the sound it's so.... soft..... pretty...... god what a sap! 
> 
> lots happens in this chapter but it's mainly long because my specialty is dialogue and not substance as you can see ha ha ha! anyway i hope y'all enjoy this one because me and my depressed ass worked really hard to get it up before the end of this month ,,ahah

Something definitely changed between you and Levi since then, you knew it- what it was, you couldn't tell. The atmosphere was just... Different. It wasn't unpleasant, not in the slightest, but it wasn't the same as it had been before, and something about that was throwing you off today.

You glanced to the window to look at the spring scenery outside as you thought about how that, too, had changed. There were buds on the trees where the leaves would grow, some that had already sprouted, and the sky was impossibly blue. You couldn't see one cloud from where you stood, but of course your view would be obscured by Levi walking into the cafe, looking as cool as ever- like he should be posing under lights and white umbrellas with people behind cameras shouting out orders. He angled his face in a way that was almost threatening, and you would have started crying if you didn't know that was how he greeted people. You know, with a sneer.

Levi acted the exact same, but somehow everything he said was just more interesting. More important than it had been before. You felt like you owed him your life or something- Though, that's a bit of an exaggeration. You always thought he was kinda cool; the way he spoke and the stories he told and the way his black hair framed his face and the way he expressed emotion, not by painting it on his face but by staining the people he interacts with, actions and looks and things that were shy and things that were begging to just overflow. Man, that psych class was really getting to you. Maybe you _shouldn't_ take philosophy next semester.

You could tell Levi was sad. He didn't look it, most of the time, but Levi didn't look like anything most of the time except annoyed, really. There were lots of times where it was barely noticeable, where he seemed just as normal as anyone else, but Levi was much more complex than anyone else. You recall the event that thrust him into your life, and wonder how you ever forgot something like that took place. That you had saved him from something so terrifyingly permanent. Sometimes, he just stared into his cup with a frown set on his face as if someone had carved it in with a pair of child-safe scissors, and then next he was composed, like he was rebuilding walls in front of your eyes- You couldn't possibly imagine what happened to him that made him look as if a whole root of his life had been unearthed so violently in front of him, an earthquake that shook his whole foundation. He just looked... lost.

You wondered if he still considered dying. You wondered if you were significant enough to him that taking his own life wasn't an option anymore- you quickly swatted the idea out of your head, analyzing your own thought process and trying to see why this was all suddenly so pressing to you. Why you were so interested in his affairs, when it was really none of your business. Of course he still wants to die, you think to yourself, one failed attempt means nothing when 1 out of 6 is a success. 

You talked more with him now. You'd text him in the middle of the night when you couldn't sleep to ask him stupid questions, and somehow he was always awake to answer you. You got the feeling he didn't sleep well either, and it felt wrong of you to be sort of happy that he always replied to you. "It's bad for his health for him to be awake so late," you scolded yourself, but the typing bubble popped up and a smile split your face as you eagerly waited his reply. You texted him every morning when you woke up, sometimes a simple "Morning," and other times stupid questions like "What's your favourite colour?" (It's two colours- forest green and turquoise, by the way.) 

You got the idea that Levi didn't actually like interacting with others very much. You remember one morning he revealed to you that the only people he really sees on a regular basis are you and Hanji, and Hanji was just because he works with them and they force their way into his life when necessary. You got the notion that he wouldn't admit he cared about them too. "What about Professor Ral?" You asked absently, washing out the steamed milk cup for the nth time that day. "Professor- Oh, do you mean Petra?" You nodded. "From what I saw, you two seemed really close. You know, when you visited her classroom." You continued. "I don't see her a lot anymore." Levi replied with a sense of finality, and after that you kept your mouth shut. You wondered when you'd grow closer to him- close enough that the both of you could spill all the beans, just lay all the sadness on the table, and then bond over it.

Man, that must've been the gayest thing that's ever crossed your mind.

"Head in the clouds, brat?" You heard his voice distantly, registering that you should respond instead of thinking about past conversations. "You look like you were a mafia boss when you were younger," You blurted around sudden laughter, and Levi smirked as his eyes sharpened. "Maybe I was- If I told you, though, I'd have to kill you, and that'd be a real shame." He responded, taking a sip of his tea and holding your gaze. You flushed for some reason, turning away to continue cleaning the counters. That really was plausible, now that you really think about it. He could still _actively_ be a mafia boss, and then what? After more thought you conclude that even if he was, you'd treat him the same. Nothing changes except that he's a criminal, really, so... It's best you derail that train of thought for now.

Whatever happened, you decided, was a nice change, as you lifted a hand to your cheek to will away the heat on your face. Levi tapped his goodbye on the counter as you wandered over to the cash register, and you tapped back while gearing up the machine to take someone's order. Your heart fluttered in your chest as you recognized that you two had developed something of a secret language, something only you and Levi knew about and understood. When had that started? Butterflies settled at the bottom of your stomach, flapping their wings and making you feel light and happy ~~and kinda nervous~~ as you entered the person's order into the register and held out your hand for payment.

"What's got you smiling so big?" You heard a familiar voice speak from beside you, making you almost jump out of your skin and drop all the change that the patron just gave to you. You gripped it in your hand and apologized to the customer as you sorted it into the register, turning to glare into clear blue eyes. "Café mocha, Armin," you bit out, not pleased by the jumpscare. Armin, feeding off your discomfort, set to making the drink with a small smirk resting on his face, offsetting the otherwise innocent look he usually displayed. He looked cheeky, and it never failed to amaze you how much of a mean streak this boy was hiding. "You're a bit jumpy, lately. Something on your mind? _besides_ café mocha?"

 _'More like some_ one _,'_ You thought to yourself. "Oh, oh! who is it?" Armin pressed, leaning forward. "Did I say that out loud..?"

"No, you didn't, but you're really easy to read. It's nice to know you're thinking it, at least." His grin grew absolutely wider. So much for those psych classes, you guessed. You were really too carefree with your facial expressions. "It's nothing, Ar." You ruffled his hair, and watched from the corner of your eye as he pouted and began placing the straw-coloured strands back in place. "You cant hide forever, Eren! If I cant get it out of you, you _know_ Mikasa will-"

"Armin," You interrupted gravely, a look of positive fear on your face. "Don't say a word to Mikasa." You said, hoping the finality in your voice would convince him. His grin was cheshire. "Okay, fine," he sang, turning and giving the customer their drink with a pleasant smile. "I wont tell 'Kasa about your little crush~"

"Shut up, Ar! It totally isn't a crush," you howled, turning a few heads in the cafe. You quickly flashed the other patrons an apologetic smile as you glared back to Armin, who was flashing you The Look. You pouted back at him, crossing your arms and confirming it in your head. _'No, it most certainly is_ not _a crush.'_

You stared back to the door, continuing your observation of the weather with a gentle sigh.

_'Right?'_

_____________________________

Okay, so _maybe_ you had a crush on Levi.

Ever since Armin had suggested it, you really couldn't get the thought out of your head- You would not take the blame for this lapse of sanity. This sudden vulnerability. It's Armin's fault. He started it.

Even so, you couldn't tell if it was just a friend crush or like... a _real_ crush. You'd look it up on your laptop, but the fear of looking like an absolute idiot being caught browsing things like that restrained you. You pulled out your phone instead for the sake of intimacy, casually glancing around the apartment for other occupants and deeming it clear as you pulled up safari and went into a private browser. _It never hurts to be safe,_ you thought to yourself as your fingers worked at the keyboard.

Google Search: _how to tell if you have a crush on someone_

You skimmed through articles of all sorts, from yahoo answers to wikihow, and somehow your searches all came up with the same result. Even if you didn't want to admit it to yourself, you were smart enough to differentiate. 

You definitely had a crush on Levi.

You felt kinda stupid for not spotting it yourself, but Professor Ral said if anything you're most likely to notice last- The knowledge didn't comfort you in this moment, and you wondered if any of your coworkers had noticed. You quickly pulled up your messaging app and typed out a message to a few of your teammates and eagerly awaited replies. Ymir's came almost instantly.

 **JaegerBOMB** : ymir? do you think i've been acting any different lately?  
**Ybitch** : what, u mean like other than when ur ogling the short guy? i dont think so, y?  
**JaegerBOMB** : .... never mind  
**Ybitch** : aw did i step on yr toes or smfn  
**Ybitch** : someone's #sensitive lol  
**JaegerBOMB** : dont you have a girlfriend to be idolizing omg fuck off  
**Ybitch** : someone's in denial!  
**Ybitch** : hey, yeager, invite me 2 the wedding at least  
**JaegerBOMB** : it's spelt Jaeger you cuck.  
**JaegerBOMB** : and there will be no wedding to anyone of any sort!

Christa's reply came shortly after the abrupt conversation end with Ymir; they had been together, unsurprisingly.

 **Christ(a)** : Eren I'm so sorry about Ymir!!  
**Christ(a)** : I know she means well, she just likes pressing your buttonfbsbffbjg  
**Christ(a)** : Sorry, she tried taking my phone from me.  
**Christ(a)** : Anyway,  
**Christ(a)** : If it's any consolation, you haven't been acting too much out of the ordinary!  
**Christ(a)** : You zone out a lot looking at the door after that one regular leaves, but I don't know if that's a regular occurrence because our shifts don't line up a lot. I'm sorry!  
**JaegerBOMB** : thanks for being honest  
**JaegerBOMB** : at least i can count on you to be gentle with me  
**Christ(a)** : Can I know why you're asking?  
**JaegerBOMB** : i'll let you guys know in a while  
**JaegerBOMB** : its all fresh right now but i'll get back to you  
**Christ(a)** : I hope everything's okay?  
**JaegerBOMB** : yeah  
**JaegerBOMB** : everything is alright im just  
**JaegerBOMB** : figuring stuff out i guess  
**Christ(a)** : If you need anything else, you know where to find me! I hope it works out, whatever it is.  
**JaegerBOMB** : thanks christa  
**Christ(a)** : Anytime, Eren ♡

You thanked the gods once again for someone so sweet, but cursed them as you remembered she had just unknowingly confirmed your suspicions. You waited for the rest of the replies from everyone, but you had a feeling your fate had already been sealed. 

**Springles** : have u finally realized ur big gay crush on the regular  
**JaegerBOMB** : god connie, not you too  
**Springles** : look dude its so obvious  
**Springles** : u like. look so happy when he's in rite  
**Springles** : and when he leaves ur all like a sad puppy  
**JaegerBOMB** : dude no that isn't true  
**Springles** : u used to be one of the worst people i knew 4 text talking and i havent seen u do any of that since u and the regular started like  
**Springles** : talking  
**Springles** : nd stuff  
**JaegerBOMB** : ughhdhhhgngn  
**Springles** : lol me too bro  
**Springles** : listen when u gonna tell him  
**JaegerBOMB** : never ever in my whole life ever  
**Springles** : thts not cool man  
**Springles** : he totally digs u  
**Springles** : ask him out 2 like lunch or smfn he'll totally say yes  
**JaegerBOMB** : you dont know that connie  
**Springles** : i totally do man he looks at u like  
**Springles** : like the way sash looks at food  
**Springles** : she said tht herself btw  
**Springles** : which means its true  
**Springles** : she told me to tell u that u have to say something  
**Springles** : and also tht she isnt answering ur txt because shes having this convo with us rn  
**Springles** : also she says hu  
**Springles** : hi*  
**JaegerBOMB** : hu to you too, sasha  
**Springles** : fuck off bro  
**Springles** : we all make msitakes  
**JaegerBOMB** : it's called proofreading, con  
**Springles** : mistakes*  
**Springles** : man ur bf is changing u ur such an asshole now  
**Springles** : what are u an english teacher  
**JaegerBOMB** : he isn't my boyfriend!  
**Springles** : nt yet lolol  
**Springles** : sash agrees with me  
**Springles** : she says u have no morning shift next morn  
**Springles** : so ur on with her and ymir and christa in the afternoon  
**JaegerBOMB** : who's taking my morning shift?  
**Springles** : we got a new kid  
**Springles** : using the morning shift 2 train them  
**Springles** : her names mina shes v sweet  
**JaegerBOMB** : alright, sounds cool  
**Springles** : she wont permanently hav the morn. shift  
**Springles** : her job is seasonal anyway  
**Springles** : its just like a test so u dont have 2 worry about missing seeing ur bf for too long  
**JaegerBOMB** : con i swear one more word and i'll slit your throat  
**Springles** : eren i think u forget sometimes that im like, ur boss  
**JaegerBOMB** : that wont matter if i kill you! then you'll just be my victim!  
**Springles** : nice one man  
**Springles** : nyway  
**Springles** : go get im (^;  
**JaegerBOMB** : ...shut up. 

 

 **JaegerBOMB** : i'll do my best.

Five out of six of your co-workers had noticed, and the sixth one doesn't really count because she's new. You felt a series of emotions in stages; Embarrassment, (Had it really been that obvious?) Fear, (Had Levi noticed? If he did, how does he feel about it?) Frustration, (Why didn't anyone say anything to me sooner? Why hadn't _I_ noticed myself?) and then Acceptance, which felt the most relaxing after all the conversations you just went through. Your phone pinged again, and you wondered if Sasha had really decided to respond after all as you lifted the device to your line of sight. 

There was a series of events that happened after you registered it was Levi who texted you that you aren't wholly proud of, but a humble narrator might share just for the sake of letting someone know what took place. 

It started with you choking on your own spit in surprise, which in and of itself wasn't a very amicable moment for you, and it more-or-less ended with Mikasa leaving her room to see if you were okay, the two of you fighting to catch the phone to make sure she didn't call an ambulance, and Armin walking through the door at possibly _the_ most inopportune moment as all three of you got knocked into the hallway and onto the floor, groceries flying everywhere.

All three of you groaned at the same time, and as you lifted your head to survey the damage, your eyes met fearfully with none other than The Man Of The Hour, Levi himself. "Oh, fuck me," you groan, shrugging back down. Armin snickers, and you fight back the urge to knee him in the nutsack, if only because that would totally blow the secret you were just let in on. (You know, the secret of _yours_ that everyone knew about but never said anything? Yeah, that secret.)

 **Captain Short** : Ran into your blond friend outside of your apartment looking like he was about to drop your groceries everywhere. Offered to help him bring them in, but if you aren't home I'm leaving.

 **Captain Short** : We're on our way up the stairs, blondie says to tell you to open the door.

"Jesus Christ," Levi breathes, and you wish only in that moment that God Himself would strike you down so you wouldn't have to deal with the embarrassment of collapsing on the floor in a heap of groceries and sadness in front of your crush.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> our longest chapter yet and its fuckign... mostly text convos lol millennials am i right
> 
> also to be clear; no eren did not just suddenly start liking Levi, the crush has been longcoming (think back to like..... chapter 15/16 i think ... when he sang for him? it was then. i think imm gonna write an aside for that chapter from eren's pov to showcase that but if i do, it probably will not be until after this fic is finished because i have such a one track mind haha!!)
> 
> ybitch - ymir  
> springles - connie  
> christ-a - christa (whom else)


	20. young adult friction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seasons are shifting, and things start to heat up in the wake of spring and summer. New cryptid: Levi's thankfulness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FUCK I HATE WRITING SO MUCH  
> i still remember tbe very beginning when i said this was probably only goibg to be 25 chapters.... dear god  
> the things i have planned for this fic will most definitely make it longer than that but have no fear because i write short chapters anyway!!!
> 
> the song for this chapter is young adult friction by the pains of being pure at heart and its such a summer jam. also, sorry that there is absolutely no concept of time in this fic. Eren has a birthday party in like july, isnt that weird? good thing it isnt this chapter tho lol
> 
> can i get uhhhh #slow burn but when it gets moving It Really Gets Moving
> 
> rating change for this chapter because showers are.... steamy. nothing better to solidify a newfound crush than to jerk it while u bathe, right?

"You're a real boy wonder, kid," Levi breathed as he reached out to help you up. You stared at his outstretched hand, suddenly feeling nervous about touching him at all as you held out your own to him. He took it in his, and you tried your damn hardest to not start clamming up as he pulled you to your feet with a steady strength that you envied as well as adored. His hands were soft and firm, callouses at the bases of his fingers and the heel of his palm, and when he started to pull his hand back you almost didn't let it go. You didn't want to. You realized after another second of gazing at his appendages awkardly that holding on would make things weird, so instead you dropped his hand and turned to help up your friends, ignoring the way Levi's hand twitched out to you from beside him, as if he didn't want you to let go either. You convinced yourself it was like an optical illusion, or maybe something akin to seeing water in a desert when you're incredibly thirsty (which, you undoubtedly were, but maybe not for hydrations sake).

"Armin, I'm so sorry," You began as you walked towards Mikasa. She brushed you off immediately, already halfway up herself; she mumbled something about not needing help to stand, and you turned to Armin next before realizing that he was _also_ up before you could get him, putting away all the groceries in the bags on the island- Holy shit, there were a lot.

"Holy fuck, Ar, did you like rob the superstore or something?" He smiled as he continued stacking pasta into the pantry, tossing you a look over his shoulder. "We had a bit of extra cash these past few months, so I figured we'd go all out- We had a definite surplus in the budget, so why not?"

"Don't tell me I knocked you over with all these groceries," You started towards him with a worried expression on your face, but Armin quickly pacified you. "Levi carried most of them. You're just lucky he wouldn't let me carry the bread and eggs up, otherwise there'd've been a big mess that I'd make you lick off the floor." 

You heard the man in question chuckle from somewhere behind you, and you turned quickly to see him leaning up against the door, shoes still on, jacket draped over his shoulder as if he were ready to book it any second. You frowned at the both of them, feeling very ganged up on as you crossed your arms. "I like the way he thinks," Levi commented with a smug glance in your direction, and at the sound of his voice you were suddenly short of breath. The feeling was infinitely familiar, but you had only noticed it now- you hated yourself for being so cliché. You wondered briefly when your life turned into a poorly written fanfiction, before reasoning with yourself that things like this are only cliché because they're so cute and make your life all rosy and fun. Yeah, that's definitely convincing enough for your mind to let it go for now. "So, wait- that means Levi carried all of that up the stairs?" You looked between them incredulously. Armin continued to put things away, and Levi shrugged, staying by the door. "It wasn't that big of a deal. He's too small to carry all of it upstairs, and despite popular belief I'm not entirely heartless." Eren felt that Levi had an ulterior motive, but couldn't figure out exactly what it was. Before he could put in more thought as to why he'd do it (or even _begin_ to think about the serious muscle Levi was packing, despite having felt it already,) Mikasa piped in to the conversation. 

"You're one to talk about being too small," she grumbled from the couch, flipping through a fitness magazine that Eren didn't even realize they had with complete disinterest. It might as well have been upside down, she didn't look like she was really reading it at all. Since when did they have fitness magazines? Levi's eyes shot over to her, a dark look settling over them. Armin instantly tensed up, quickly moving to start stacking things into the fridge and hiding himself behind the door- damn him and his inability to de-escalate a situation. You walked towards Levi slowly, hoping to pacify him before anything else happened, but it was already too late.

"Don't you gave some children to be beating up or something?" He bit cooly, brushing it off as soon as he was finished. It was Mikasa's turn to freeze, knuckles going white as her fingers pinched the page of the magazine. "Whoa whoa whoa, what's going on between you two? Is this some sort of secret pissing contest? What's up?"

"They challenged me, so I taught them not to stick their feet in their mouth." Mikasa replied, completely ignoring you. "So you put your foot in their mouths instead?" You shot a firm look back to Levi, putting a hand on his shoulder to wind him down, and even though he looked like he really wanted to get into it, your eyes met his and he let it go. You'd pride yourself on your expert diffusion skills later- you have something else to worry about. Your gaze flipped to Mikasa, and you gave her a look that was both pleading and challenging, forcing her to lower her head in shame. "Mikasa, I don't care that you're beating up little kids if it's within good reason, but try not to start fights with people just because you don't know them." Your thumb rubbed Levi's shoulder for a second before letting go, sliding down his arm slowly to prolong the contact before you withdrew completely. "He's friendly, I promise," You tacked on to the end. She nodded, looking up to meet your eyes with an embarrassed flush on her face. You beamed back, winking at her before turning once again to Levi. "So, how do you feel about Borderlands?"

"Only if you have the second one," responded Levi, the corner of his mouth tilting up into a smirk as if none of this had even happened. The discomfort lingering in the air dissipated immediately, and you heard Armin breathe a sigh from behind his fridge shield. "I see you have good taste," You teased, already starting to walk towards your bedroom. "Mika, I'm stealing my room back from you for a bit!" You shouted as you opened the door, surprised but thankful to find it organized and totally not smelling like college ass like it normally does. You swear, as soon as you and Armin finish clearing out the spare room, you're gonna work on keeping this place _at least_ nicely scented. "I was expecting this to look like a black hole," Levi said from beside you. You smiled, laughing a little as you wandered over to your gaming system to pull out the games, which were tucked in the cupboard that they were supposed to be for once. You thanked god (and Mikasa) in your head as you pulled out borderlands 2, inserting it into your Xbox and starting everything up with a satisfied sigh. It's been way too long since you played with anyone who wasn't Armin, and you felt excitement at your companion for this one being Levi. He sat on your bed, cautious as though something were about to explode under him, and grabbed the controller after taking his jacket off and folding it neatly on your bed. _'How cute is that?'_ You thought to yourself, red tinting your ears a little as you leaned back against the bed next to his legs and got comfortable.

You two played until Armin called you in for dinner, and you practically pleaded Levi to stay. "It's pasta! Fettuccini! Everyone loves fettuccini," You argued, your hands clasped together. "Leeeevviiiii, I'm trying to bond with you!" Levi shook his head, and you deflated for a second as he hesitantly grasped his jacket from the bed. "If you're worried about the pressure or whatever, we can just eat in here." You offered hopefully. Levi paused for a moment, and really looked like he was thinking it over, and then he started laughing. Like, really laughing. You think that was the first time you had heard him laugh like that- unguarded. It seemed... almost vulnerable. Your heart started beating faster like it was trying to knock itself out of your ribcage, and your hands shook as you struggled to control your breathing. ' _Jesus Christ, Eren,_ ' you scolded yourself internally. _'He is literally /just/ laughing,'_ The voice in your head continued. Levi looked to you again, something of a smile on his face, and you tried to think of what you _wouldn't_ give to just kiss him right now. "I'd really like to, Eren," Levi said. His face wilted, but he was still smiling- the look he flashed you next pierced a hole in your chest, like the look you'd give someone when someone you loved died and they ask if you're doing okay. He looked almost defeated, but he was still smiling. His coat was still in his arms. He rose to his feet, and you scrambled up with him, still amazed by the contrast of grace between you two. "But I really should be getting home."

He walked towards the door of your bedroom, but it was slower than how he walked usually. He paused by the door and looked down at his shoes, like he was thinking really hard about something. You let him take his time, and when he looked up again, he didn't face you. "Thank you."

"Why are you thanking me?" You spoke without thinking, but strangely didn't regret it. "Everything," He replied, sounding as if that wasn't exactly the right word choice. Then he nodded almost imperceptibly, as if confirming it. "Everything." He said one last time, quiet this time, before exiting your room. You heard him exchange polite and firm words of parting to Armin and Mikasa, the shuffling of shoes, and then the telltale noise of the front door creaking shut. 

You couldn't figure out what he meant.

__________________________

"Okay, I think I'm having an anxiety attack because of how... cute someone is?"

Armin snickered from the kitchen, and you could practically hear him rolling his eyes as he set the last dish into the sink to soak. You rolled your face into a pillow and groaned, feeling simultaneously like your chest was full of air but still like you couldn't breathe. "That's typically called 'Butterflies', you know," he replied, coming to sit next to your feet on the couch. "Wanna talk about it?" You groaned louder this time, pressing harder into the cushion until it became hard to breathe, and you knew he was giving you that stupid sympathetic gaze that he always gives you. You put the pillow down and stood up, going towards the sink to take care of the rest of the dishes, feeling Armin's gaze on you the whole time. He stayed silent, and after a beat of silence you spoke up in irritation. "What is it?" You asked, scrubbing at the stubborn pasta sticking to the plate in your hands. 

"I think you have some sort of like, weird superpower that only works on Ackermans." He said without hesitation. You shot him a look from across your shoulder, and he raised his hands in defence as you turned back to start scrubbing. "No, I'm serious. Earlier today, they looked like they were gunna tear each other's heads off, but do you remember what happened after you stepped in? Both of them simmered down instantly. It's a gift or something." 

You considered it for a moment and then shook it off, using your wrists to rub at your face so it wouldn't get it all full of soapy water. "Enough of that! That's just a coincidence." You brushed it off, pursing your lips as you willed away the colour on your face. "You're like a lion trainer or something, but the lions are like, stoic and emotionally constipated," Armin finished nonchalantly. "Since when do you do dishes anyway?" He jumped from topics so quickly you'd think he was trying to escape trouble, but you'll get him for this later, rest assured. "Since I don't like the smell of dish water on my plate when I'm trying to eat." You responded gracefully (or something.)

"That isn't proper English, Eren," Armin replied from the hallway. "I'm going to study for my final next week. See you in the morning!" He called out before you heard his door shut. You rested your hands in the sink and stared at your reflection in the murky water, soap bubbles framing it like a dusty picture that smelled vaguely like Alfredo and green apple. You grimaced before swishing your hands to create ripples, washing your hands off and wiping them on the towel under the sink. You always hated looking into your reflection.

"That's enough dishes for today," You sighed as you took out your phone, checking the time. 7:00, not bad. You wrack your hands through your hair and push it all back to your head as you stare longingly towards the washroom, thinking you ought to wash away the tension of today. In reflection, you realize that a substantial amount of things happened, and you needed something like a long, hot, shower to take your mind off of all the discoveries you made today. You felt like you were a stupid teenager again, developing stupid crushes and getting all nervous. In fairness, you just barely escaped adolescence, but maybe this would be considered immature to someone else?

For the first time in a while you thought about how Jean was doing, and the sting in your heart felt weaker than it usually did. You wondered if he was doing with Marco what he had done with you, courting him like the idiot he is, or if Marco had given in a lot sooner than you had. You wondered if Jean kissed his freckles like he did to the sparse ones on your face, wondered if they had gotten to know each other well in the 4 months you had been broken up. If they had known each other well even before then.

You abruptly stopped that train of thought as you felt your throat tightening, and instead thought of the things in your life that you're happy about, in the present. Things you would not have gotten if what happened with Jean didn't happen. You thought about the friends you've made at the cafe, how your co-workers are like a second family to you. You think about the relationship you have with Levi, the friendship you've been developing over such a short period of time, and it brings a smile to your face. You raise a hand to touch your cheek, fingers pressing into the warmth fondly as you squeeze your eyes shut and take in a deep breath. Thank God for therapy techniques, you think as you walk towards your bedroom to get some clothes. 

You knocked softly before stepping in, seeing Mikasa sitting on your floor with her phone tucked close to her face and.. a smile? She looked up to you, and the vibe you were getting from the room was light and happy, which (you feel so rude thinking it) was sort of out of character for her. "What's got you all sunshine and rainbows?" You inquire with an uninterested tone as you rifle through your dresser for some good pyjamas. She's folded all your clothes, you notice, and it's like your room has finally found the Mother's Touch™ that it's been missing for quite a few years. Your heart aches for only a second before you search for her reply. She only shrugs, smile dissipated from her face, though her cheeks are still rosy. You smile for her, grabbing your pants and heading to the door. "You know, 'Kasa," You pause, hanging onto the frame. "I love you. You know that, right?" 

Her reply is a noncommittal hum, but it means enough to you as you leave and shut the door behind you. You appreciate it for what it is, noting that she was never adept at showing her emotions and feeling the warmth spread through you all the same. 

You start the shower at the same time as you tear your shirt off, sticking your hand under the water to test the warmth and kicking off your pants after deeming it hot enough to step in.

You sighed under the warm spray of the shower as it hit your skin, tipping your head back to soak it as you ran your hands through the locks to distribute the wetness. You let the water cascade down your body, feeling the stress from today filter down the drain with it. Maybe Levi was onto something with the whole 'super-clean' thing, you would easily admit that showering was always one of, if not the most relaxing things to do. Levi... You looked back on how it felt hanging with him today- how it felt in general, if you were really feeling like psychoanalyzing yourself (which you totally were.) You recalled how easy it was to just be around him, and seeing how unguarded he was with you lately made you feel really giddy. The trust he placed in you made you feel valuable. You paused in reaching for the shampoo, suddenly overwhelmed with thoughts and memories of Levi, thinks like how you two have a secret greeting, about how he comes to see _you_ every morning, about how he asks for _your_ tea specifically, about how sexy he looks when he smirks, how he looks at you when you're focusing on something as if he's watching to take care of you-

Your dick gave an involuntary twitch as your thoughts continued to spiral into (mostly) uncharted territories, and noted that it's been a while since you've touched yourself at all, never really finding time for it since you and Jean broke up. It just never seemed important, wasn't a priority. You left one hand to brace the wall as the other rested at your stomach, your fingers trembling as you felt the firm muscle there and imagined it was Levi there with you, your face instantly flushing a few shades darker. The heat and humidity gathering in the small space didn't help, only spurring your dirty thoughts on as you pictured him stepping in and taking control. His porcelain skin soaked in water, his black hair slicked to his head like the feathers of a raven. You wondered if he'd go fast or slow for you, or if he'd find a healthy medium and tease you into it. You released a small groan at the images your brain was producing, your hand shakily slipping lower and grasping at the base of your dick as you gave an experimental stroke to liven it up a bit. You imagined Levi getting close and whispering things in your ear, goading you on as he took you in his hands and caressed you, took control of you. A whimper found its way out from your lips, a pleasurable ache settling in the bottom of your stomach as you continued. You wondered how Levi felt about you, wondered if he felt the same way, wondered if he thought of you like this. Imagining Levi touching himself while thinking of you only got you harder, and you squeezed your shaft as you brought your hand up, developing a steady rhythm as you continued. The hot water from the shower sprayed down your back, the drops feeling lukewarm against your heated skin, the humidity intensifying the touches you laid against your flesh. You wondered if Levi would give you hickeys, if he was that kind of lover, if he'd give you a lot or if he'd let you give him some. You pictured him with a scarf on, trying to cover up your marks, your evidence, and you sped up slightly. "F-uuck, Levi," You moaned under your breath, not trying to reveal yourself to the whole apartment.

You felt vulnerable like this. One hand supporting you, stuck to the tiled wall of your apartment bathroom, the other working at your cock as you bit into your lip and stuttered his name towards climax. You were totally at risk for someone here hearing you and ratting you out (or attacking you, thanks Mikasa), but for some reason that didn't deter you as much as it used to. Thoughts of Levi flowed through your brain, curious questions and fantasies that you were positive he would find asinine, but your body was overwhelmed by the pleasure you were feeling that none of this bothered you as much as it usually would have. What was Levi doing to you? Who gave him the right to break in and snatch your beating heart from your chest like he did? Without any warning?

You moved your free hand from the wall to your mouth when you came, a moan whispered into your fingers as your seed washed with the water down the drain. Your breath escaped you in pants as your eyes closed in peace, and you allowed yourself to soak in the glow of what was possibly the best orgasm you've ever felt in your life. 

You finished cleaning yourself up with a sated smile, feeling more relaxed than you have in a while as you rinsed the soap off of your skin and stepped out of the shower, the steam flowing out into the hall as you opened the door and dissipating as quickly as it had manifested.

You yawned as you exited the bathroom, pyjama pants secure around your waist as you towel-dried your hair. You used the cloth to catch drops of water that you missed trailing down your stomach, and when you were less distracted you snatched your phone from the counter where you left it. 

3 missed texts from Levi. You smiled, an embarrassed blush making its way through your skin as you failed to push the leftover thoughts of him out of your brain.

 **Captain Short** : Oi, sorry I couldn't stay for dinner tonight.

 **Captain Short** : I had some things to take care of tonight, but if you want to invite me to stay another night, I would not oppose.  
**Captain Short** : Though, that all depends on what's for dinner.

 **JaegerBOMB** : thats totally not a probelm! i dont mjdn at all!  
**JaegerBOMB** : *problem, mind*  
**JaegerBOMB** : sorry my fingers get ahead of my brain sometimes  
**JaegerBOMB** : anyway  
**JaegerBOMB** : its fine that you couldnt stay! i totally understand  
**JaegerBOMB** : but i'll hold you to that, you know  
**Captain Short** : I would not have said it if I didn't intend for you to hold me to it, Eren.  
**JaegerBOMB** : you can never be too sure ;p

 **Captain Short** : Thanks again, kid.  
**JaegerBOMB** : why? what for?

 **JaegerBOMB** : levi??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry for this poor excuse of a chapter. im also sorry for poor, unbeta'd writing quality. i'm doing my best, gang.
> 
> we will see why levi is so cryptic later on
> 
> join us next episode on our regularly scheduled programming, marathoning "What Kind Of Dark Past Has Levi Been Given In This Fanfiction?©" at 3:07am !


	21. step

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> c’est la vie, mon amie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY FUCK I HAVENT UPDATED IN MONTHS
> 
> i literally have been staring at the unfinished chapter in my notes for like a year. im screamign
> 
> this is unedited (i have to go through and beta all my chapters myself) so forgive me if you see “levi smirks” every second line- im really doing my best but im such a scatterbrain lol.
> 
> song for this chapter is step by vampire weekend!! i hope u enjoy!

You don't think you've ever stooped this low. Not even in middle school with the brunet in your french class. 

This WikiHow article even _looks_ like bullshit. Shifty as hell. But....

That doesn't stop your prying eyes from scanning the page, absorbing information as fast as your brain would let you while you play out scenarios in your head. You imagined Levi turning his head to hide a blush as you smoothly greet him with his name, holding his stare and matching it with a smile so bright the sun would envy you- 

Yeah right.

You know realistically, no matter  
how many times you try to lie to yourself, it'd play out with you probably spilling coffee all over your dick and totally eating shit right in front of him. But... it was at least worth a shot, right?

Turns out the idea had died as fast as it had fizzled to life in your head. Night shifts meant that Levi's morning tea was in the hands of the trainee girl for at least 4 months, and you had never envied someone who had to wake up at 6 in the morning before, but you guess there really is a first time for everything.

You guess it's easier to get up and out of the apartment at 5pm, and that you really shouldn't be complaining because you're not a morning person anyway, but that doesn't stop you from looking deflated enough as you serve the customers that Pixis himself has to pull you aside and tell you to _"Put some sun in your step, boy."_ It’s kinda hard to do when you haven’t heard anything from Levi in three days, but you’ll try.

You heaved a sigh, not really in the mood to lose a job over trivial facial expressions, and put on your best smile, working your shift until the time you got off. Armin rubbed your shoulder with tender sympathy, and you flashed him a weak grin as you went to warm up the car to wait for him.

"Yeah, shift switching can be kinda draining. I getcha." He tucked his bag neatly between his legs as he settled in the passenger seat, and your hands gripped the wheel as you glanced to him pitifully. "I really do like him," you whined, banging your head against the wheel. You felt his confused stare more than you saw it, and could answer the question he was going to ask before it even formed in his head, but you gave him the right of way anyway as he twisted his hands in his lap. You leaned up and put the car into drive, pouting as you pulled out of the staff parking and waited for him to speak. "You mean Levi?"

"Yeah," You sighed, your heart stuttering in your chest at the mention of his name. You glanced over to see Armin smirking at you, like you had just told him everything he had needed to hear to begin his plot of world domination- you wouldn't be surprised if that's what just happened; you definitely wouldn't put it past him to pull something like that. "So that's why you were all sour today," He said simply, and your pout deepened as he perked up beside you. "I'm glad it's nothing super serious, anyway. But I understand that it might be difficult to go from seeing him every day to not seeing him at all," Armin tacked onto the last of his sentence a lilt in his voice that suggested he knew something Eren didn't, which isn't new in any sense, but he hated feeling like he was missing something.

"Are you up to something sinister, Armin?" You asked, side-eyeing him with a grin. "I would _never_ ," he placed a hand over his chest in an offended gesture, looking quite scandalized that you would even suggest it. 

What a giveaway.

"Promise if you're secretly running for president you'll let me be your vice?" 

"If I ever plan on starting a war with someone, I'll let you be my vice. How about that?" he retorted, glancing at you from the corner of his vision with a grin still plastered on his face.

You scoffed and took a hand off the wheel to punch him playfully in the arm, eyes divided between the road and Armin as you landed a blow right on his shoulder, much to his chagrin. "Hey, why don't you focus on driving, Eren?" scolded the blond, slapping your fist away with a smile. "You're gunna get us killed!"

You swerved the car on the road just to taunt him, a smirk on your face as you turning into your apartment complex with a flourish. "Then I guess you'll die next to your best friend!" You squeal, swerving more into the parking lot. "Not all of us are as ready to accept death as you are, Eren!" He screeched back, laughing with you as he kept slapping at your arm. "Seriously, I'm warm and I just wanna go inside and sit by the fan, park already!"

You resigned with a laugh and move to park your car in your regular spot- except there’s another car there. Your eyebrows furrow as you glare at the foreign object in your spot, and Armin sighs from beside you. “Let’s not do this again, Eren. It’s just a-“

“Parking spot! That’s _our_ parking spot, Armin! does no one know the proper etiquette of living in an apartment complex and parking your car in a designated spot?!” You cry, hands gripping the wheel. Armin looks around for somewhere else to park, clearly not sensing the direness of the situation. Typical. “Whoever’s car this is-“

“Grammar, sweetheart. _Whomever this car belongs to_ probably did not know how territorial you are over a space painted onto cement, and you should not expect them to either.”

You scoffed at his assumptions and perfect grammar, cursing him again as you sat back in your seat in exasperation. You have half a mind to stay here until _whomever_ it is comes back to give them a piece of your mind, but you spot a blonde approaching the car with her keys jingling around her hand. She opens the door and flashes you a look that suggests you get out of the way, and you’re so dumbfounded by the way she obviously controlled the situation that you back out of her way and let her drive off.

“What was that about?” You hear Armin pipe in from beside you, sounding very bemused. You shake your head, furrowing your brows in confusion and irritation. “Ugh, whatever. It’s not like I can chase down her car and give her shit for it,” you grumble as you push the gear into drive and park your car in your regular spot

“You seem to forget that you’ve done that before,” Armin retorted as he exited the car. “Ar, so help me, I’m going to punch you one of these days and it’s gunna Hurt,” You said. He snickered as he slung his bag over his back and held the door to the complex open for you. “Stairs today?”

“Sounds like hell,” you gripe as you trudge to the stairwell.

“Let’s do it.”

______________

“You’re in a good mood,” Armin commented to Mikasa as you settled down on the couch, getting into the right spot before closing your eyes and absorbing the conversation around you, not really contributing but also not ignoring.

“Yeah,” she replies noncommittally. You can hear that she’s happy- her voice is lighter than usual. You think to yourself, ponder if anything’s happened, and then the thought is shot out of your head when you shift and a spring coils the wrong way and rests uncomfortably under your back. “Hey, are we going to clear out that storage room any time soon?”

“We’ve been working on it slowly,” Armin speaks up, “But if you really want it done you should be making more of an effort, don’t you think?”

You sit up from the couch as he is speaking, rubbing your side where the couch got you, and shoot Armin a dirty look. “You’ve been sassing me more lately.” You note with a smirk as you head towards the soon-to-be guest room. “Mika, come and help me sort these boxes. We should really throw some of this out,” You suggest, hefting a box of what looks like photo frames out the door and into the kitchen on the island.

“If it’s just picture frames, we could sell them. People pay handsomely for pretty ones,” Mikasa pipes in as she wanders towards the box, pulling out a frame without a picture in it. “Why do we even have these?”

“Oh cool, there’s a photo album in here!” You exclaim as you reach in and squeeze it out from the side. “It’s...” you open it up. “Mostly empty.” Armin finishes for you as he heaves another box onto the island. That one’s full of Christmas decorations, you can see the lights poking out from the top, covered in dollar store tinsel accumulated over the years. “It feels like Christmas was already like a year ago,” Armin comments. 

“Hey, look here,” Mikasa speaks up, holding a frame in her hands. The working in the wood is intricate, leaves and flowers carved into the stained material. The picture inside is of a young Eren, Armin, and Mikasa, chasing each other in Eren’s front yard as Eren’s mother stands off to the side, smiling brightly towards the camera. She looks... healthier. Happier. You reach forward and slowly take the frame from her hands, wiping dust off of your mom’s face as you swallow hard. “This is...”

“A week before the accident,” Armin whispers.

“I’m going to put this up,” You lift the bottom of your shirt to wipe the rest of the dust off of the glass before walking with purpose towards a shelf hung on the wall, placing it down with caution.

Armin and Mikasa exchange looks, but say nothing. They continue rifling through the box of frames, sorting out which ones have pictures and which ones don’t. You return after a few minutes to help, not saying anything as you sort the frames. “We really don’t have room for all these frames.”

“We could use the photo album,” Mikasa suggests, looking over all the framed pictures. “We can sort them into the empty spaces and stuff, and then pawn off the frames we don’t need,” she says thoughtfully. Armin nods. “What do you think, Eren?” They both look towards you, and you sigh. “You know I love you guys, right?”

Mikasa tugs her scarf over her mouth and Armin smiles, cocking his head and laughing a little bit. Mikasa walks towards you and embraces you, Armin following to create the perfect group hug. “I don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to you guys. I love you all so much.”

“That’s kinda gay, Eren,” Mikasa whispers. You can hear the smile in her voice. Everyone giggles. “Shut up, Mikasa,” you reply.

And for a solid few minutes, all is well.

__________________

Levi shows up on your third night shift. He looks a little shy as he walks in, avoiding eye contact. He’s looking at the coffee packages lining the doors. You have a hard time containing your smile as he sits himself down at the bar like he usually does and taps his gloved fingers on the counter, still looking at the promotional items.

You move to greet him, tapping back on your way over, and he finally meets your eyes. You almost look away, but remember what you read (eye contact = intimacy) and hold his stare, smiling warmly as you stand in front of him.

“What a nice surprise, seeing you here so late.” He looks away from you again, staring at something behind you, almost... avoiding your gaze. You count it as a small success. Baby steps. He stays silent though, looking very focused on whatever is behind you. “See something you like?”

His eyes flick to you. He smirks a little. You turn to catch a glimpse at what he was looking at. Ah, yes, the menu. “Yes, I do.” he replies. When you turn, his eyes are still on you. You can feel the blood rushing to your face as you purse your lips and look towards the cash register. “The.. um... the usual?” You stutter out awkwardly. Awesome. Baby steps.

“Decaf, please. And... something to eat. Surprise me.” 

“Alrighty! I’ll get started on that right away.”

You slip behind the machines and get his drink started, pulling out the different teas and mixing them in the steep. The kettle rings loudly as you slip a little honey into the bottom of the cup, stirring it in with the water and then dropping in the tea cage. You can see Levi craning his neck and trying to see what you’re doing; You flash him a grin and waggle your finger, to which he rolls his eyes. Finally stalking over to the display case, you grab a cranberry peppermint muffin, sliding it over to him with his freshly poured tea to accompany. “You know, I _could_ sue you for putting shit in my tea that I don’t know about. How do I know you aren’t poisoning me?”

“I’ve heard no complaints thus far, but you can sue me if you want. Not sure you’d get much from the college kid working at a coffee shop, but to each their own.” You respond, leaning towards him over the counter. He takes a sip and sighs contentedly, and when he tries passing you the money you decline again. “On me this time.”

“No. I always pay for myself.” Stubborn as always.

“Let me buy this for you at least,” You whine. “Just this one cup and the muffin.”

“Okay, fine,” He concedes, and you feel victory pumping through your veins. He then stands up, walks over to the register, and holds eye contact as he drops all his payment into the tip jar. He smirks. You deflate. He wins again, you guess.

“You’re a menace.”

“Not a lot of people would say that to someone who just left you a 100% tip,” Levi says again, sounding every bit as triumphant as he looks. You grumble. “Whatever.” You pick up a cloth and start cleaning the counters, and Levi nods as if you’ve said something very agreeable. You remember your sandwich shop encounter with Levi and smile, a laugh fluttering in your chest. There’s still so much you don’t know about him- your eyes cast towards Levi, and he’s looking out the window. You want to know him. You don’t think you’ve ever wanted anything more.

“So. Why this cafe?” You mutter distractedly, washing the latte machine and rubbing the dried milk foam off the nozzle.

“The tea here is a good import, but it’s also cheap for it’s value. And it’s on the way to work, so it’s location is convenient as well. It’s also one of the most kept after I’ve been to, to my standards anyway.”

“I heard from Armin that was due to personal request, though.” The corner of your lip quirks up as you look to him. “What is that, anyway? I mean, being clean is great and all, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone so concerned about sanitizing everything.”

Levi sighs and scratches the back of his head, and you continue to clean at the machines meticulously. After a period of silence, you start to think you said something wrong and begin to analyze your conversation, but you cant find anything that you would have been offended by yourself- and then he speaks up. His voice is grave. Suddenly the air is thick with an awkward tension you really want to escape. You begin to rub grime off of the coffee machine in silence.

“Where I grew up... everything was always dirty. I hated that. There was this smell... you don’t forget a smell like that. It was worse than shit. But I have control of it now. I can keep everything around me nice and neat and I don’t have to worry about that anymore.”

His explanation is vague, but it’s an explanation indeed. You suddenly felt very intimate, as if this had brought you closer to him. The moment was soft and fragile, but somehow Levi still looked strong, unfeeling, and you wondered if one day you’d be deserving of the context. For now, you were satisfied with what you had been given. Very much like the cat who got the cream.

You look towards him to see him looking down into his cup, eyes stoic, and you lose your breath for a second. You really cant see any emotion on his face, and you question how he’s so good at concealing everything. “I’ll be right back,” You chirp as you jog towards the break room. You reappear with two little candies in hand, standing in front of him and motioning for him to hold out his. He obliges with a raise of his eyebrow, and he looks down as you press the candy into his palm and close his fingers around it. “Cheer up, okay? It’s good now. You’re super clean.”

He smiles at you. It’s small, barely noticeable, but it brightens up his whole face. It looks so nice on him.

You let go of his hand after a few awkward seconds, the eye contact becoming a bit much for you. Baby steps. One day. He opens his hand and stares at the candies placed inside, and he lets out a soft laugh. “I don’t usually like candy...” he begins, and your face falls. Shit. Of course you give him something he doesn’t like to cheer him up. Go figure-

“But these are my favourite. How did you know?” 

“They’re my favourite, too,” You admit, kind of blindsided by the new admission. “Strawberry and peaches is kind of a hard flavour to find, but there’s a candy shop near my apartment complex that sells them in bulk. I was saving these for after my shift, but.. I want you to have them.”

Levi pauses for a second before placing one of the candies in your hand. “We’ll eat them at the same time, okay?”

“Sounds good.”

_____________________

Levi ends up staying until the end of your shift. The sun is just setting in the sky as you amble towards your car, and you offer him a ride home.

“I brought my car over actually, so I probably shouldn’t.” You shrug it off and unlock yours, opening the door but not sitting quite yet. Levi raises an eyebrow at you, clearly waiting for you to get in before he takes his leave.

“Thanks for visiting me today,” You speak, your cheeks flushing. You want to blame the weather, but it’s mid-spring and there’s only a slight chill. Levi looks up towards the sky, at the clouds painted blue and amber by the sun (which was hiding behind the high-risers.) He shakes his head. “I only came for my tea. I don’t know what you’re talking about.” When his eyes met yours he was grinning, and you laugh and push on his shoulder. “You’re too stubborn, Levi.”

He huffs out another laugh and shakes his hair out of his eyes, and then he’s looking up at you and you feel like the metaphorical elevator you were in had stopped suddenly and sucked the breath out of your lungs. You then made a promise to yourself to never use a metaphor again, because apparently you suck at them.

“Maybe so. But if me being stubborn means I get what I want, then so be it.” God, how can he be so cool all the time?

Your hands grip the side of your door a little harder as you lean back into your car. There’s a stretch of comfortable silence before you speak again. “Goodnight, Levi. Get home safe, okay? Text me when you get in.” He nods and then looks back up towards the sky. “See you around,” He breathes before walking off. You watch him turn the corner before sitting down, starting the car and pulling out of the lot, and as you go over today’s events in your head your heart beats faster and you feel lightheaded and gosh, dating sucked, but you missed this feeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yummy bonding moments


End file.
